Rub-n-Tug Trade Plummets in Hong Kong on Coronavirus Bonerkill
Posted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 5:27 am
Breaking Asia
20 feb 2020
CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG – Hong Kong sex-massage authorities were scrambling today to come up with a coherent plan to salvage the remnants of the once-thriving rub-n-tug industry that dominates the under-siege city’s red-light underbelly but is now under threat of extinction as cautious punters largely stay at home to enjoy self-administered white-knucklers rather than risk the human contact they so deeply crave on fears they could become infected with the raging coronavirus.
Steven Wai-Char, Hong Kong’s assistant sex trade undersecretary, said hundreds of happy-ending parlours across the city had shut down as their clientele turn to alternative, home-based touching therapies to assuage the mental and physical stresses inflicted on them in this unforgiving bung-hole tightener of a city.
“The gentlemen that formerly comprised the most active customer base for these shops, who we refer to as Smart-Pantsed One-Off Day-Grip Ejaculators, or SPOODGE, have expressed fear of catching the coronavirus from their care providers in the shops given the intimate physical setting,” Wai-Char said. “To be sure, we think these fears are unfounded because most of our care providers do not, in fact, hail from Wuhan, China, but are all certified as disease-free when we traffick them from Denny Nguyen’s Sluthouse and Deli in Tampa, Florida.”
Coco Tranh, who runs Bali Paradise Spa in Hong Kong’s Causeway Bay district, said her shop had seen a 90 percent drop in business since the coronavirus outbreak began two weeks ago. She said she feared she would soon have to close the shop, which has been dispensing hot wax handies, rub-a-dub bisquicks and palm-oil poppers for nearly a decade, mainly to harried financial executives, Asian Wall Street Journal copy editors and the entire West Ham United football team when it was on its Asian tour in 2017.
“Hey hey you know Mr. Bigshots no give time now, nobody call here, everyone go-go-go away because coronavirus,” Tranh said in explaining the reasons behind the shop’s declining business. “But you want best you want number one you want ‘good happy’ or ‘bad bad happy,’ we OK you know?”
“Just tell us what you name what you like how many come on we can stay open,” she added. “Come on now before raining motherfucking coronavirus. We make good time you give me all your money now OK?”
https://breakinginasia.com/rub-n-tug-tr ... bonerkill/
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