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Talking to my best mate in Nepal recently he was telling me how he'd just bought his Nepalese mother in law a new washing machine which she has put to good use renting its services out for others in her village at 70 rupee (around .75 cents I think) a load - it's the only one in the village. He has also placed his nepalese brother in law into a good job within the hotel he has a small vested interest in. On top of that my generous friend also pays the college fees of his young sister in law, he has also bought two used scooters for the family to use between them, bought a fridge and tv for the mother in law as well as paying for her gas bottles and utilities(Pappa died some years ago). My friend isn't a wealthy man by western standards and lives himself on about $15 000 a year. (Simple living IS cheap in Nepal however)

Do you believe there to be an obligation on your western part to be supportive of less advantaged in laws in a similar way as mentioned above regardless the expectation or lack there of?

Wow, good question. Looking forward to seeing how this thread unfolds.

In Asia you marry into the family, so yes you have some obligation. This is what has put me off relationships here, I'm far too fucking selfish to worry about anyone else.

Yes I believe it's cultural as Horace says. If I was to do it however it would be on my terms and with some productivity strings attached especially for youngsters. All part of the learning process for them. Nothing comes for free in my book and the last thing I want to be viewed as is a soft touch, which may sound harsh but I've seen some guys caught up in the demands of the extended family in Africa and it wasn't pretty.

I like your friend's approach Kung-fu, give the family the means to express business flair and become self sufficient in the long run. Much better for all concerned imho.

This isn't anything to do with being Western, a local husband with means would do exactly the same.

One day they will become civilised and start only taking care of themselves.

I've helped some of my family out, but I've always told them that if the first time works out badly, that's the end of it.

I don't think that anyone should refuse a genuine request for certain things like medicine and stuff like books etc. for kids as long as the parents are making a genuine effort.

Banned the one cousin after he gambled away his moto at a KNY party, no more chances.

starkmonster wrote:One day they will become civilised and start only taking care of themselves.

Jesus.

Kung-fu Hillbilly wrote:Talking to my best mate in Nepal recently he was telling me how he'd just bought his Nepalese mother in law a new washing machine which she has put to good use renting its services out for others in her village at 70 rupee (around .75 cents I think) a load - it's the only one in the village. He has also placed his nepalese brother in law into a good job within the hotel he has a small vested interest in. On top of that my generous friend also pays the college fees of his young sister in law, he has also bought two used scooters for the family to use between them, bought a fridge and tv for the mother in law as well as paying for her gas bottles and utilities(Pappa died some years ago). My friend isn't a wealthy man by western standards and lives himself on about $15 000 a year. (Simple living IS cheap in Nepal however)

Do you believe there to be an obligation on your western part to be supportive of less advantaged in laws in a similar way as mentioned above regardless the expectation or lack there of?

I agree with most of the posters here, you should help them; especially if you married their daughter. That daughter in Cambodia is a retirement policy.

To what extent you should help them is debatable.

For example, when that washing machine in Nepal breaks down, who pays for it? Did she save enough from it's over use to invest back into her business?

I agree if it is your wife's family.

I disagree if it is your girlfriend's family.

I married (and divorced) a woman from a pretty virulently white man hating Asian country. The father-in-law never treated me with anything but love and respect, even after the divorce. While we were married, I paid for him to come to America, took him to a back doctor who is a specialist, took him to baseball games, all the nice places in the area. I like to think I repaid his kindness in kind. And he has never ever asked for a thing. But if I feel someone feels entitled to help, is just trying to get something from me, or disrespectful, not one penny. I really don't want to feel used.