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Dear folks,

I have been thinking about something I have noticed in different circumstances in PP. There does not seem to be a name for it, so I'll call it aggression projection. For example, people working at a certain NGO will think that literally any other NGO in PP is evil. No other NGO can even be remotely good. That sounds very unrealistic, yet I have heard it from quite a few people working at quite a few NGOs. Can that be really true or is that projecting something?
Another thing I found very curious is what I observed when somebody left (either to get another job or to return to their home country). Leaving causes a huge amount of distress in people. And then the person who is leaving gets trashed like there is no tomorrow. This often continues months after the person has left. Khmer people are especially good at trashing people who left, but foreigners do it too. I get it that there might have been things you tend to get angry about only when you do not have to interact with the cause of your anger every day. But when you see it happening for each person who leaves, this must be some of projection too. Like there is this understanding that a person is only good as long as this person is around you and when that person leaves, the person suddenly becomes evil. What are you thoughts on this?

I used to project aggression when my ex-Thai GF ended telephone conversions abruptly, without any "OK, see you tomorrow" or whatever. She just stopped speaking and hung up the phone. Man, I got so angry about it!

Gradually I realised that many Thai people have this habit...

I got over my anger by being quicker than the person that I was talking with. As soon as I judged the conversation complete, I'd slam down the phone in a microsecond and high-five myself...!

You need to consider each NGO separately. You cant say they are all this or all that. However, there is a lot of being dishonest to get money, and money not being used appropriately, in many NGOs. They are often more concerned about themselves, than helping the less fortunate. There are good ones too.

There are some people who speak up about things that are wrong, and people who have done something wrong. But the majority of criticism says more about the person doing the criticism than the person being criticised. Many people say things that are not true about others. They think putting others down, makes them superior.

It’s simple. People who do this are not happy about their life. There is really nothing more to add to this.

simon43 wrote: ↑Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:09 pm I used to project aggression when my ex-Thai GF ended telephone conversions abruptly, without any "OK, see you tomorrow" or whatever. She just stopped speaking and hung up the phone. Man, I got so angry about it!

Gradually I realised that many Thai people have this habit...

I got over my anger by being quicker than the person that I was talking with. As soon as I judged the conversation complete, I'd slam down the phone in a microsecond and high-five myself...!

I get past the telephone bit by using this

simon43 wrote: ↑Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:09 pm I used to project aggression when my ex-Thai GF ended telephone conversions abruptly, without any "OK, see you tomorrow" or whatever. She just stopped speaking and hung up the phone. Man, I got so angry about it!

Gradually I realised that many Thai people have this habit...

I got over my anger by being quicker than the person that I was talking with. As soon as I judged the conversation complete, I'd slam down the phone in a microsecond and high-five myself...!

My experience is all Thais do this. They also don't say who they are when they call.

curiosity wrote: ↑Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:02 pm Dear folks,

I have been thinking about something I have noticed in different circumstances in PP. There does not seem to be a name for it, so I'll call it aggression projection. For example, people working at a certain NGO will think that literally any other NGO in PP is evil. No other NGO can even be remotely good. That sounds very unrealistic, yet I have heard it from quite a few people working at quite a few NGOs. Can that be really true or is that projecting something?
Another thing I found very curious is what I observed when somebody left (either to get another job or to return to their home country). Leaving causes a huge amount of distress in people. And then the person who is leaving gets trashed like there is no tomorrow. This often continues months after the person has left. Khmer people are especially good at trashing people who left, but foreigners do it too. I get it that there might have been things you tend to get angry about only when you do not have to interact with the cause of your anger every day. But when you see it happening for each person who leaves, this must be some of projection too. Like there is this understanding that a person is only good as long as this person is around you and when that person leaves, the person suddenly becomes evil. What are you thoughts on this?

I worked for an NGO for two years in 2009-2011 and NGO's in Cambodia are a special thing by itself, run by people feeling they are very special too - they're making the world a better place while coping with the severe conditions Phnom Penh throws at them.

A special breed, those people. But not necessarily the best breed. And not just the Westerners, the Khmer as well.
For instance, the office staff from my NGO would travel to the provinces in a taxi, or in the NGO car with driver. At the same time they expected the people based in the provinces to take the cheapest transport available when they needed to come to Phnom Penh. Hell, they even kept track of the prices of the different bus companies.

NGO's are a different world inside Cambodian society.

simon43 wrote: ↑Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:09 pm I used to project aggression when my ex-Thai GF ended telephone conversions abruptly, without any "OK, see you tomorrow" or whatever. She just stopped speaking and hung up the phone. Man, I got so angry about it!

Gradually I realised that many Thai people have this habit...

I got over my anger by being quicker than the person that I was talking with. As soon as I judged the conversation complete, I'd slam down the phone in a microsecond and high-five myself...!

Mish advice level 11

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

However - always keep your birds in the bush.

Send yr gratitude to my ABA account please

I heard that working in an NGO in Cambodia as an expat is not too bad, I read it is about traveling the countryside with Khmer assistants, counting cows and raking in $5000+ a month. Could you share some insight into the current vacancies? I feel I am qualified, and currently looking for a new opportunity.

I think the various syndromes the OP mentions have some validity, but I also agree with Explorers call to not generalise. -too much.

A few points about the NGO jealousies - possible factors which may make it a bit less "odd",
- Small town syndrome. A big factor here i reckon. Same as small town stuff anywhere.
- Very passionate, committed people who would like to see their agenda given priority. Somewhat understandable.
- Competition for the small funding pool. A minor factor in reality, but can set up a competitive mindset.
- Lack of communication between orgs. A simple reality for busy people with a job to do, in an insular environment.
- In the big orgs, the people who get to work here/OS have proven themselves to be firm followers of the company line. That can select-out people who have a more open, collegiate style of working with other orgs.

But yes, as an independent who has worked along side a number of "competing" orgs - I would love to see different orgs within the same sector have regular meetings - both biz and social. Also to co-join on projects.
But i am far less judgemental than i used to be about the big orgs that work in my field. I have come to understand the challenges and hard realities.
I can say for sure that both the foreigners and the locals who work in conservation here, as individuals, are the finest bunch in the world.

I still hammer the BigBoys - but more politely now, and only from inside the tent.
People throwing rocks from the outside only produces a siege mentality, and is often "under-informed" in the first place. i learned that the hard way.
Throw rocks OR help to make real changes. You can't do both.