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Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Married
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:07 pm
by FreeSocrates!
I have friends that call their Khmer GF's wives (non of them former Bar Girls, mostly I'd say light grey girls).
The Khmer GF's go so far as to adopt the Expats last name on Facebook.
I'm sure I'm not the only one with friends that do this (and for the record I don't really care). Though it does seem disingenuous, as there is no ring, no wedding and no legal marriage certificate.
But what is the reason they do it? Are they forced into it by their 'Wife'? Does it give the 'Wife' more status? Is it to save face, because they are shacking up before they are actually married?
If you call your Khmer GF your wife, I could care less, I'm not here to judge you.
I am more interested in how this situation comes about?
Never seen anyone do this in a Westerner/Westerner Relationship.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:16 pm
by Sohi
In English I would never call my gf my wife, but in Khmer she is always referred to as my wife I think it has more to do with the seriousness of the relationship then the paper work. Once your in an exclusive relationship all the Khmers start referring to her as your wife and correcting them makes no difference
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:24 pm
by Alex
I know it's very common in Thailand that when a man and a woman shack up they're automatically considered a married couple in the opinion of regular folks. Many such "marriages" are never formally registered with the authorities.
From what I've heard, this might be quite similar in Cambodia. This would explain why the woman would refer to her boyfriend as husband, and even if he's a barang, he might just follow suit for consistency. He might also like the concept that they can get away with being considered married without actually having to marry.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:50 pm
by Rama
Sohi wrote:In English I would never call my gf my wife, but in Khmer she is always referred to as my wife I think it has more to do with the seriousness of the relationship then the paper work. Once your in an exclusive relationship all the Khmers start referring to her as your wife and correcting them makes no difference
Same. I call my wife "my wife" in Khmer but also in English..but we're not officially married...We've had a village ceremony but it was unregistered. (Actually, having said that it may have been registered at the village level ? but it certainly wasn't registered at the national level.)
We may one day get married 'officially' but that would only be paperwork and bribework. No ceremony. And only a Cambodian wedding.
Could call her "my partner" but that sounds worse somehow than calling her "my wife". Also seems easier to call her my wife now that we have a son. Although I've been calling her my wife for the last 6 or 7 years. (We've been together now for 12 years)
Think it is mainly due to Cambodia being quite conservative and cause we've been living together for so long.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:21 pm
by phuketrichard
MY Cambodian gf ( of 5 years) is and will always remain my gf, she is happy with that as are her parents and as i am over 50 not much i can do about it
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 3:23 pm
by kiwiincambodia
the trouble begins when you start to call your wife your Girlfriend.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 6:10 pm
by StroppyChops
Sure it happens between westerners, de facto couples often share a surname and refer to each other as husband and wife - this is even acknowledged as a common law relationship. At least in Australia, a couple is deemed to be 'married' for legal purposes on a three-part test; if they share the same building, share expenses, and share a bed. There's a minimum time threshold, it may be three months but it's been too long since I've cared about legal policy to remember.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 8:36 pm
by GMJS-CEO
I call her my fiance in english and wife in khmer.
The word seems to get applied much easier in this country and my guess it is for saving face. Not a barang/khmer thing as I have seen this with khmer/khmer couples also.
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 12:51 am
by dagenham
Dang...I'd call anyone my wife - if only they would let me...
Re: Expats who Call Their GF's 'Wife', When They Aren't Marr
Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 1:25 am
by FreeSocrates!
StroppyChops wrote:Sure it happens between westerners, de facto couples often share a surname and refer to each other as husband and wife - this is even acknowledged as a common law relationship. At least in Australia, a couple is deemed to be 'married' for legal purposes on a three-part test; if they share the same building, share expenses, and share a bed. There's a minimum time threshold, it may be three months but it's been too long since I've cared about legal policy to remember.
I forgot about this, in Canada I believe it's one year, but people don't usually say "My Wife". Anyone know if there is a law here? Or is it just what some posters are saying, an "unwritten law".
A more interesting question might be do Khmers call Khmers Wife and Husband if they are not married? Or does it just apply to Barang/Khmer?