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Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:59 am
by curiosity
Dear folks,

Khmer men have expressed interest in me (reminder: I'm female) a couple of times, both married and unmarried. Most of the time it was about casual sex, but there was the occasional "I'm desperate to get married" one. I had the impression that bedding foreign women comes with a status premium for Khmer men. I hated the implication that foreign women are somehow all whores and voracious man-eaters, so I never gave into any of these kind of these advances.
While I do not mind the dumb attempts of the tuktuk drivers at flirting, I do mind the "I have some kind of influence over you and will make your life a living hell if you don't fuck me" type. Now my question to you ladies out there. Has a Khmer man who had previously expressed sexual interest in you ever taken revenge (e.g. by attacks on your social network as well as your reputation) in case you declined to fuck him? Have there been any harmful actions against Khmer females in your environment that were used to relay his "interest" in you in case you declined? What are your experiences in this regard?
Also how do you make it clear that you are definitely not interested? Would it be rude to spread the news that you are simply not interested in Khmer men at your workplace?
Especially not in those that barely speak English, but have been on the job long enough to somehow expect sex from you? What are the best ways to avoid any misunderstandings here and to stay safe?

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:07 pm
by markd
[Mod edit: let's keep this topic serious and not trivialise or get personal]

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:37 pm
by explorer
You are dealing with small brains.

You are dealing with people trying to act superior to you.

Just keep saying no.

Sometimes when people just wont listen, I raise my voice.

There will probably always be someone else trying.

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 1:23 pm
by fax
curiosity wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:59 am
"I have some kind of influence over you and will make your life a living hell if you don't fuck me"
Can you elaborate on this? What happened?

This happened but neither of them are Khmer https://aecnewstoday.com/2019/khmer-tim ... etime-ban/

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 2:18 pm
by curiosity
In a nutshell, I was working for this company and all managers were Khmer. From the start, one of them was very friendly. He would say that he loved my culture and that everything about me was great (which made me uncomfortable since had obviously never been to Europe). He would also do those little touches, e.g. when giving me sth touching the palm of my hand for just a little too long and touching my elbow when trying to get my attention. I also got hints from Khmer colleagues that he "really likes you". However for a quite a few months nothing happened, so I stopped being concerned about him.
Then I needed his help and instead of listening to what I had to say, he started to talk about foreign women and how they apparently had so much sex with men that they were not married to. He then started to ask me whether I had ever had any sexual experiences with Khmer men and when I just looked at him he started to giggle like a school girl and said “must have been soo good, sooo good!” Then he asked whether I would have sex with him as part of some dirty office secret.
I quickly changed the topic and pretended that nothing had happened. One week after the incident HR measures were taken against me. There was a report stating that I would not work that I was forced to sign. The report was very general and did not list any specific areas of improvement. I was never told what the accusations against me were, but was repeatedly reminded that they were complaints about me. I was never told what these were.
At the same time as this report, several coworkers started to act hostile towards me. I found out later that he had said something to them (because one coworker specifically mentioned that he had done so), but I still don't know what. At some point it got too much and I resigned. At that point he suddenly backpaddled and said that he could clean up the situation. The hostilities then ceased, but something in the relationship with my coworkers had been invariantly damaged. Later on I was also informed that the accusations against me (still don't know what they were) had turned out to be untrue.
I ended up not renewing my contract with them.

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:24 pm
by curiosity
Also after a temporary period of peace, his inappropriate behavior continued. After all that happened, he seemed to still carry that torch. I'm looking now for strategies and practical solutions to figure out how to avoid a similar situation at my next job. Any ideas most welcome.

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:58 pm
by explorer
curiosity wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:24 pm
Also after a temporary period of peace, his inappropriate behavior continued. After all that happened, he seemed to still carry that torch. I'm looking now for strategies and practical solutions to figure out how to avoid a similar situation at my next job. Any ideas most welcome.
Dont work for Cambodian bosses.

Many people only see things at a superficial level, and think they are all nice, but a lot of Cambodian men have a bad attitude.

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:08 pm
by curiosity
what kind of jobs are out there in Phnom Penh that completely avoid Khmer bosses? As far as I have experienced, Khmer can be coworkers as well as managers/supervisors. What company only has foreigners working for them?

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:22 pm
by Brody
curiosity wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:24 pm
how to avoid a similar situation at my next job. Any ideas most welcome.
Workplace dynamics can vary depending on the number of westerners and Khmers employed there and in what hierarchical capacity they are in.

A certain tone either permissive or restrictive may already be in place.

What you can do is set your personal tone right off the bat. Be extremely professional. Don't stray into overly familiar conversations or anything outside the scope of what you are employed to do.

Be courteous but be direct. Cambodians may not be familiar with western social cues. Therefore you must be verbally direct, clear and upfront the instant something begins to stray in an inappropriate direction. But do so with a smile.

Do not accept invitations to lunch, parties, drinking sessions or get-togethers which do not involve your entire department.

Show that you are all business and they will not want to risk a loss of face by risking knowingly or unknowingly untoward behavior.

Your work life may be dull and devoid of banter and you won't get any birthday cards but you will most likely not be the recipient of any unwanted behavior again.

Re: Khmer men and their interest in foreign women

Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2019 4:25 pm
by clutchcargo
explorer wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:58 pm
curiosity wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:24 pm
Also after a temporary period of peace, his inappropriate behavior continued. After all that happened, he seemed to still carry that torch. I'm looking now for strategies and practical solutions to figure out how to avoid a similar situation at my next job. Any ideas most welcome.
Dont work for Cambodian bosses.

Many people only see things at a superficial level, and think they are all nice, but a lot of Cambodian men have a bad attitude.
Let's not tar all Cambodian bosses with the same brush however. And I know of a particular barang boss here that expects his women staff to provide extra 'services' as part of their employment conditions...needless to say, he has trouble keeping female staff.

It's not like in Australia where you can make a sexual discrimination claim..

I can only think if a boss wants to abuse his position of power like that the only alternative is to move on. As to proactive strategies to prevent, I can only think...do not entertain any personal discussions that they might start and walk away and nip it in the bud. Of course they may still get their backs up and make life hard for you. Mrs Cargo has these issues with customers trying to get onto her and she has a hard time explaining that her work is not a pick up joint and she's taken my advice to make an excuse and walk away whenever someone starts to steer the conversation to personal matters.