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Dear folks,

I feel myself getting increasingly resentful towards people who have a hang of losing their shit (mainly a foreigner's issue). Like you gotta listen to someone blowing his stack and then later when that person seems calm you bring up that certain things were being said, and you get an even worse outburst. I get the impression I'm around toddlers with massive temper tantrum issues. Is there a way of communicating that tantrums of this kind are unacceptable without inviting even more tantrums? Or is it just plain old avoidance that works in the end?

curiosity wrote: ↑Wed Apr 17, 2019 6:29 pm I'm around toddlers with massive temper tantrum issues. Is there a way of communicating that tantrums of this kind are unacceptable without inviting even more tantrums?

Where the hell are you to be surrounded by this people and is it you or them that needs the anger management?

This is a confusing thread. What's going on?

I have made friends with some folks from the helper community. They seem to be very frustrated that their help is not much appreciated by the Cambodian people. This leads to them blowing up quite easily. Wanted to know if that kind of anger is normal for Cambodia and if it is pretty common how to best deal with it.

Ah, have you been going to Bassac Lane? Those people are crazy.

Some people you can try to be honest with. Expect success with very few.

There are some people it is best to avoid.

curiosity wrote: ↑Wed Apr 17, 2019 6:44 pm I have made friends with some folks from the helper community. They seem to be very frustrated that their help is not much appreciated by the Cambodian people. This leads to them blowing up quite easily. Wanted to know if that kind of anger is normal for Cambodia and if it is pretty common how to best deal with it.

You need to be solution orientated. Make a decision if these people are really worth helping. If they are, be happy. If they are not, find someone else to help.

I help people. I had known them a certain amount before I started helping them. So far, they have all been good. There are some people they would like me to help, who I wont help because of their attitude. If any that I am helping already decided to have a bad attitude, I would stop helping them.

I make decisions I am happy with, and then I am happy with what I do.

curiosity wrote: ↑Wed Apr 17, 2019 6:29 pm Dear folks,

I feel myself getting increasingly resentful towards people who have a hang of losing their shit (mainly a foreigner's issue). Like you gotta listen to someone blowing his stack and then later when that person seems calm you bring up that certain things were being said, and you get an even worse outburst. I get the impression I'm around toddlers with massive temper tantrum issues. Is there a way of communicating that tantrums of this kind are unacceptable without inviting even more tantrums? Or is it just plain old avoidance that works in the end?

stay out of bars an dont hang with drunks,
i cant recall last time i was around anyone that lost it

if the ones that are losing it aren't drunk s, than they expect to much and possible feel what they are doing matters,
it really doesn't

One gives thanks to the receiver for receiving, an should not ever expect anything in return.

Plain old avoidance. How do you expect them to react to you schooling them on not acting like a spoiled brat?

LOL, Bassac Lane, very true! Expectation is an important term. I'm not here to help anybody. I think people know best how to help themselves once they have a clear head (meaning that they are not in a survival situation). But the people I have had trouble with are helpers who expect the Cambodian people to "improve" (not sure in what way) and complain that "so little comes back". At the same time my experience with these kind of helpers is that they blow up at very small things -e.g. when I do not have time to do something for them that they wanted me to do. They can get really really pushy and have this sense of of "my will be done!" (or else: tantrum).

Unfortunately C. sometimes telling people that their naive but well-intentioned help is not really wanted, or suitable, is to undermine their very sense of self-identity. So you probably have to expect a defensive response.

I am not saying this in a scornful way about those people - we all have our own journey.
But all you can really do is to point out a few hard realities in a way that will not be rejected out of hand - and then leave it to them to hopefully one day wise-up themselves.

Otherwise you end up being an unwanted missionary yourself. And getting angry yourself.
Good luck with the well-intentioned nincompoops.