Anti-jokes

[StroppyChops]

Ripped straight from the Internet, so don't judge me.

1. A horse walked into a bar.

Spoiler:

Several people got up and left as they had spotted the potential danger in the situation.

2. Yo mama so fat...

Spoiler:

...she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem

3. How do you confuse a blonde?

Spoiler:

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

4. Ask me if I'm an orange.

Spoiler:

Are you an orange?
Nope, I'm a person.

5. A priest, a rabbi, and a muslim cleric walk into a bar.

Spoiler:

The cleric, having abstained from alcohol due to religious constrictions, does not drink, and his friends decide to do the same. They spend the night laughing and having a good time.

6. Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

Spoiler:

He uses the finest ingredients.

7. What do you call a black man on the moon?

Spoiler:

An astronaut.

8. What's red and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler:

Red paint.

9. A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had.

Spoiler:

His wife ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

10. I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said,

Spoiler:

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

11. A group of Mexicans were in the back of a car.

Spoiler:

They were carpooling to work to save on gas.

12. A man walks into a bar.

Spoiler:

His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.

13. I like my coffee like my women.

Spoiler:

Without a penis.

14. An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by.

Spoiler:

The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

15. What's red and bad for your teeth?

Spoiler:

A brick.

16. Yo mama's so ugly...

Spoiler:

...that your father no longer finds her attractive, and now their marriage is in trouble.

17. Why didn't Jesus play hockey?

Spoiler:

Because baseball and soccer are much more popular sports in Mexico.

18. What's green and has wheels?

Spoiler:

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

19. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common?

Spoiler:

They both have handlebars, except the duck.

20. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common?

Spoiler:

Neither of them is a police officer.

21. What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

Spoiler:

A pilot.

22. Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver?

Spoiler:

Because she's dead.

23. Why couldn't the dinosaur break through the brick wall?

Spoiler:

I don't know, I'm asking you the question.

24. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Spoiler:

25. Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker?

Spoiler:

She has dementia.

[StroppyChops]

I particularly like the functionality of number 24.

[that genius]

I clicked on it twice before I realised...

[shnoukieBRO]

Why do you get taken in by Trapper?

Spoiler:

cos u is silly

[StroppyChops]

This one's for you, Punchy.

[GTC7]

Hey, check out this joke.

Spoiler:

joke

[StroppyChops]

Hey, check out this joke.

Spoiler:

Check it out now!

[shnoukieBRO]

This joke is the best of the lot!

Spoiler:

[Artful Dodger]

WTF,,, no funnies at all

[Artful Dodger]

Maybe Stroppy Chops has spent too much time out at Kintore.