Happy Birthday

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Duncan
Sir Duncan
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Happy Birthday

Post by Duncan » Sun Apr 30, 2017 10:58 am

To Me,,,

Well it was quite exciting celebrating my 70 th birthday, as I have never had a 70 th birthday before and probably never celebrate it again, although I can remember celebrating my 21 st birthday several years in a row. I had sent out invites cards to all my friends to come to the party but it came back , '' gone, address unknown '' so I plan on being much better organized for my 80 th birthday celebration, I''ll just send invites out to my enemies. In fact I may get 1000 card printed and start sending them out next week so everyone will not have an excuse to not attend. I probably have to get another 1000 printed in the next ten years , cause as everyone knows, your list of enemies grows a lot faster than your list of friends.

I'm a bit pissed off at the delivery guy at the post office right now as he hasn't delivered my birthday cards and pressies you guys have sent, but not to wurry, he's probably still in the village celebrating Khmer new year, so I guess they will all be arriving this week.
Hope no-one has bought me a wheelchair or walking stick for a pressie. One girl I know at Wat Phnom has said she will buy me a years supply of Viagra but wants to give me them one at a time over the span of a year.

Well I didn't want to hang around waiting for guests to arrive , so I took a quick trip to a place where they really know how to celebrate. In a little town across the border called Pattaya. I took a walk along Soi 6 and there were lots of legs , bums and boobs on display but because my glasses fogged up so much I couldn't tell which were fake and which were lady-persons, so I ventured along beach road where prices and commodities were more in line with what old age pensioners like me could afford. There were probable only
a dozen girls along the whole strip, and I singled out a beauty, but before I could get to her some prick beat me, so I hung around sitting on the steps waiting. When he moved off, I made my move only to be beaten by someone else. If only I had a walking stick I would have been quicker off the mark.

Decided to go back to Soi 7 where I was staying, and sat down at the bar. Picking up a girl here would be easy and I only had to walk up two flights of steps to my room.
I waited 30 minuets watching the girls putting on make-up , chatting to each other , playing on their phones, and not one of them said '' hello hansom man, you want beer, you want lady, where you from, how long you stay ''. I recon I would have had more luck if I spoke Russian or dressed and acted like a Arab. It def had nothing to do with my smelly feet , body odor or beer belly.

Hey, you know your getting old when you go to sin city and cannot get laid.

Anyway I looking forward to my 80 th birthday party. With the way technology is going I'll be able to put on a virtual reality head set , flick the switch an in a instant have
one hundred naked girls at my party.
Cambodia,,,, Don't fall in love with her.
Like the spoilt child she is, she will not be happy till she destroys herself from within and breaks your heart.
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hanno
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Re: Happy Birthday

Post by hanno » Sun Apr 30, 2017 11:24 am

:beer3: :clap:
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hanno
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Re: Happy Birthday

Post by hanno » Sun Apr 30, 2017 11:25 am

:beer3: :clap:
SinnSisamouth
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Ireland

Re: Happy Birthday

Post by SinnSisamouth » Sun Apr 30, 2017 11:34 am

tl;dr

happy birthday
i am on these blocked lists;
pucketrichard
hotdgr
sailorman
rozzieoz
stroppychops

:fuckyou:
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rozzieoz
Expatriate
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Australia

Re: Happy Birthday

Post by rozzieoz » Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:42 pm

You're hilarious, happy birthday!


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Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
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ExPenhMan
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Canada

Re: Happy Birthday

Post by ExPenhMan » Sun Apr 30, 2017 2:01 pm

Entertaining report. :good: :clap:

Tip: wander into New Plaza. The girls move a little slower there. :wink:
peppermintpaddy
Expatriate
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Ireland

Re: Happy Birthday

Post by peppermintpaddy » Sun Apr 30, 2017 3:19 pm

very funny post....happy 70th....it's the new 50 dontcha know....
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Jamie_Lambo
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Re: Happy Birthday

Post by Jamie_Lambo » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:14 pm

HBD
:tophat: Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks :x
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Kuroneko
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Re: Happy Birthday

Post by Kuroneko » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:32 pm

Image

Image
Anchor Moy
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Tokelau

Re: Happy Birthday

Post by Anchor Moy » Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:02 pm

:banana: :wink:
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