British humour

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Anchor Moy
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British humour

Post by Anchor Moy »

The British sense of humour is a wonderful thing. But sometimes you have to be British to really understand it...

A couple of these might be a little NSFW, especially number nine.

1. Jimmy Carr: In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza.
2. Ronnie Corbett: A juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.
3. My wife asked me if I was having an affair with a woman from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch. I said: 'How can you say such a thing?'
4. Tommy Cooper: I said to the Gym instructor, 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can’t make Tuesdays'.
5. Sean Hughes: I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.
6. Wrigleys has launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online. It's called ebuygum.com!
7. John Bishop: Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.
8. I said to a Scotsman, 'Did you have terrible spots as a kid?' He said, 'Ac ne'.
9. Mr. Cadbury Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name.'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa. 'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts' he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks as she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got feckin' Allsorts!
http://indy100.independent.co.uk/articl ... paign=i100
SinnSisamouth
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Re: British humour

Post by SinnSisamouth »

i snorted at the tommy cooper one
i am on these blocked lists;
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:fuckyou:
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Jamie_Lambo
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Re: British humour

Post by Jamie_Lambo »

:tophat: Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks :x
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juansweetpotato
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Re: British humour

Post by juansweetpotato »

SinnSisamouth wrote:i snorted at the tommy cooper one
Me too.I also liked the dirty story at the end.
"Can you spare some cutter for an old man?"
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bona eek
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Re: British humour

Post by bona eek »

SinnSisamouth wrote:i snorted at the tommy cooper one
Another TC Classic:

Two cannibals are eating a clown; one turns to the other and says "Does he taste funny to you?"
"I'm consumed with apathy"
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juansweetpotato
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Re: British humour

Post by juansweetpotato »

British humour?

I want to die like my grandfather, in his sleep.
And not kicking and screaming like his passengers. :
"Can you spare some cutter for an old man?"
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TOG
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Re: British humour

Post by TOG »

juansweetpotato wrote: Sun Apr 17, 2016 10:37 pm British humour?

I want to die like my grandfather, in his sleep.
And not kicking and screaming like his passengers. :
Luv it, just like Triggers cousin.

You don't stop riding when you get old, you get old when you stop riding
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