By Petch Petpailin
13th September, 23


An American man asked netizens for advice on what to do after his Thai girlfriend’s family demanded a million baht dowry, known as sinsod in Thailand. He said he loved her very much but was not a foolish farang.

The American shared his story on the social media platform Reddit yesterday, September 12. The man began by explaining that he was dating a Thai university student from a province in the Isaan region of Thailand. He expected that his girlfriend did not make much money from her career after graduation but her parents are middle class and own a shipping company.

The parents asked the foreign man to give them 1 million baht as a dowry, half of which would go to his fiancée after the wedding ceremony and the other half would be kept by the parents for safekeeping.

The American added that the amount was not negotiable whereas his girlfriend believed that the amount was reasonable because they had to show the dowry during the wedding ceremony.

The foreign man concluded his post by stating that he would be departing Thailand in two weeks and might not return, leading him to decide to end the relationship.

The post garnered over 300 comments from Reddit users. Some individuals online suggested that the dowry served as a form of security for the woman, as her parents might have been concerned that a foreigner would eventually abandon her. Others believed that the parents simply wanted to ensure that the man could provide for their daughter.

Some advised the man to end the relationship, as he might end up having to provide even more for the woman and her family in the future. However, the majority of netizens recommended that he should approach his girlfriend and her parents honestly, informing them that he would not pay the dowry, rather than leaving without any explanation.

A top comment under the post was from a user who claimed to be half Thai and half Australian.

“There is a stereotype among Isaan people that Western foreigners are wealthy and marrying one will bring you and your family a better life. So, if the assumption is that you, the potential husband, is rich, then the sinsod is sort of the first step in your commitment to take care of her and her family”.

The Thai-Australian man also advised the American man to refuse the payment as it was a red flag that the man would have to pay the bills for her and her family forever.

Another foreign man asked a similar question on Reddit in March. The man said his girlfriend had jokingly asked him for a million baht dowry. He wanted to know if he would get it back and if the amount was too much.

A Thai woman answered his question by saying that she was about to marry her Irish boyfriend and that she had not asked him for a dowry. Her father, who was a policeman, eventually accepted the condition, even though he did not like it.

In Thai culture, dowry is mostly seen as a way to show a good image and the financial status of the family. The bigger the dowry paid to the bride the more he is accepted by the family.

However, a lot of the younger generation does not prioritise the amount of dowry on top of their dream wedding anymore, but some of their conservative parents and relatives still care.

https://thethaiger.com/news/national/am ... baht-dowry

Hardly a dilemma. You adapt or you walk, up to you. Everyone's got an opinion, but only he can decide. That he's asking netizens for advice shows he's an immature crybaby, maybe his wife-to-be is the one who should walk.

I agree with @Alex, there is no dilemma.

Alex wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 11:46 am Hardly a dilemma. You adapt or you walk, up to you. Everyone's got an opinion, but only he can decide. That he's asking netizens for advice shows he's an immature crybaby, maybe his wife-to-be is the one who should walk.

posting it online and suggesting he's just going to leave the country all of a sudden instead of getting married ... let's just say that the "filter" worked.

1M THB = $28000.

Is that a full and final settlement in any future divorce proceedings (like a pre-nup)?

Does that include the cost of the wedding - if the family wants to stand-on-ceremony, the father of the bride is traditionally on the hook for that bill.

If yes to the above, it sounds like a reasonable deal.

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:46 pm 1M THB = $28000.

Is that a full and final settlement in any future divorce proceedings (like a pre-nup)?

Does that include the cost of the wedding - if the family wants to stand-on-ceremony, the father of the bride is traditionally on the hook for that bill.

If yes to the above, it sounds like a reasonable deal.

No to all of the above I'm afraid. In Thailand, the father of the bride isn't traditionally on the hook. Wedding parties are more or less paid for by the attendees, but that's highly variable.

Alex wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:55 pm

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:46 pm 1M THB = $28000.

Is that a full and final settlement in any future divorce proceedings (like a pre-nup)?

Does that include the cost of the wedding - if the family wants to stand-on-ceremony, the father of the bride is traditionally on the hook for that bill.

If yes to the above, it sounds like a reasonable deal.

No to all of the above I'm afraid. In Thailand, the father of the bride isn't traditionally on the hook. Wedding parties are more or less paid for by the attendees, but that's highly variable.

He is in the West, so perhaps the groom should introduce that nugget into the equation. See what he thinks about that concept.

But, as others have mentioned, if he is baulking about the dowry and is floating it for advice on social media, maybe he has already answered his own questions regarding his doubts. The bride and her family should also take note.

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 11:02 pm

Alex wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:55 pm

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:46 pm 1M THB = $28000.

Is that a full and final settlement in any future divorce proceedings (like a pre-nup)?

Does that include the cost of the wedding - if the family wants to stand-on-ceremony, the father of the bride is traditionally on the hook for that bill.

If yes to the above, it sounds like a reasonable deal.

No to all of the above I'm afraid. In Thailand, the father of the bride isn't traditionally on the hook. Wedding parties are more or less paid for by the attendees, but that's highly variable.

He is in the West, so perhaps the groom should introduce that nugget into the equation. See what he thinks about that concept.

But, as others have mentioned, if he is baulking about the dowry and is floating it for advice on social media, maybe he has already answered his own questions regarding his doubts. The bride and her family should also take note.

Did I miss something, I thought this is about an American man living in Thailand who thinks about leaving Thailand because of this "dilemma"?

Alex wrote:Hardly a dilemma. You adapt or you walk, up to you. Everyone's got an opinion, but only he can decide. That he's asking netizens for advice shows he's an immature crybaby, maybe his wife-to-be is the one who should walk.

If her parents were struggling poor rice farmers from Isaan, maybe it’s as you say.

But her parents own a shipping business, and so are probably well off. She may be an only child with family plans to run the company in the future. A foreigner might take her away from all these obligations and move to another country.

Asian vs Westerner view.

Asians marry families. If his family can’t afford a million Baht = 27K USD. This is less than half a year of a brand college in the US or a cheap car. Maybe the his family can’t give the girl the life she is used to. And the couple will end up living in mom’s basement in the west. This would be an Asian worry.

Plus he isn’t giving it all to the girl’s father. Half will be spent just on the wedding, other half held by the family (not spent).

Western view. Families mean nothing. Social status means nothing. The prince and the pauper are equal. Doing whatever they want at the moment, screw everyone else.

And how is asking for advice = crybaby? Please explain this so I can understand. I feel advice is needed to make difficult choices.

Just my opinions of course.

Alex wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 11:09 pm

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 11:02 pm

Alex wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:55 pm

Doc67 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 10:46 pm 1M THB = $28000.

Is that a full and final settlement in any future divorce proceedings (like a pre-nup)?

Does that include the cost of the wedding - if the family wants to stand-on-ceremony, the father of the bride is traditionally on the hook for that bill.

If yes to the above, it sounds like a reasonable deal.

No to all of the above I'm afraid. In Thailand, the father of the bride isn't traditionally on the hook. Wedding parties are more or less paid for by the attendees, but that's highly variable.

He is in the West, so perhaps the groom should introduce that nugget into the equation. See what he thinks about that concept.

But, as others have mentioned, if he is baulking about the dowry and is floating it for advice on social media, maybe he has already answered his own questions regarding his doubts. The bride and her family should also take note.

Did I miss something, I thought this is about an American man living in Thailand who thinks about leaving Thailand because of this "dilemma"?

No. It's my fault. "He" means the father of the bride, not the groom.