I have not seen her for three years.

Alex · Post by **Alex** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 1:34 pm

Reading between the lines ("I choked"), it sounds to me as if Covid was merely a convenient excuse for not meeting for this long.

Especially to someone like myself who has been in and out of Cambodia since June; surely someone in a hurry to reunite with their loved one could have done so much sooner.

So why now? Apparently you're not quite ready to give up, move on, let go or whatever. I sympathize with the reported loss of trust at the receiving end of this self-indulgent and childish indecisiveness.

newkidontheblock · Post by **newkidontheblock** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 5:00 pm

If it’s finding out if she is the one for you and you are the one for her, then I wish you good luck.

Once you know it is or not (daily chats about everything for years should have made it apparent), then both of you need to make an action plan.

Either decide to marry in Cambodia or abroad. Improve her English for an eventual life with you. And begin sponsorship for visa. Unless you want to become like the Cambo Vlog YouTuber and become Khmer.

None of this is easy or quick. But it shows commitment.

Otherwise, you’ll been seen as yet another foreigner stringing a girl along for a good time to be used and thrown away.

For foreigners who are stringing along girls for a good time, I apologize for looking down on them. But this is what Khmer in the villages are thinking (and gossiping about).

I wish you the best.

Post by **Freightdog** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 5:14 pm

Can I ask? And it’s a serious question-

Why would anyone want to put something so deeply personal, if not to yourself, but to the other half of the equation, on an open internet forum where at the very least, most of the membership are probably totally unknown to that person?
There is no affinity. There’s often little empathy, and clearly from some of the input by a few- there’s little regard for personal situations.
It’s a region with a reputation, fair or not, and it does draw a certain type in among the other more regular types. Mongers, for one, who seemingly cannot conceive of Cambodia offering anything more than a brief satisfaction of some base instinct?

I really am, just curious.

CaptainCanuck · Post by **CaptainCanuck** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 5:17 pm

Alex wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 1:34 pm Reading between the lines ("I choked"), it sounds to me as if Covid was merely a convenient excuse for not meeting for this long.

Especially to someone like myself who has been in and out of Cambodia since June; surely someone in a hurry to reunite with their loved one could have done so much sooner.

So why now? Apparently you're not quite ready to give up, move on, let go or whatever. I sympathize with the reported loss of trust at the receiving end of this self-indulgent and childish indecisiveness.

Indulge me if you will good sir .... Quite like yourself I’ve often an interest in affairs that don’t affect me .... I’m curious, when sitting high atop your mountain of moral superiority do you get many nose bleeds at that altitude ? Or does the tilting of your head so as to look down your nose at the mere mortals failing so abysmally around you assist in stemming unwanted blood flow ?

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 6:18 pm

David Gordon wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 12:30 pm
She can’t deal with me in the context rn of her family and I understand that.

In that case I wouldn't set my hopes too high on a serious future together. Doesn't mean the two of you can have a great time though.

Pseudonomdeplume · Post by **Pseudonomdeplume** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 7:31 pm

I'm afraid I read it similarly to Alex, and we may have got it wrong, misinterpretation is easily done but a skeptic. But it seemed you were writing about a guy you'd like to be, and possibly are.

I'm not sure how you know there's been no one else, but ignorance is bliss, so perish the thought, but I would want to know, because I wouldn't want to find out later. Which brings up the trust thing, which I think you either want, and do, 100%, don't care because it's casual, or check up on her, which is also going to end in tears, guilty or not.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, for company.

It's like my great-grandmother used to say, as she would sing to us at night, "fuck 'em all, marry none, oh, do ya fuck on 1st dates?

Does your dad own a brewery?" Nice memories.

daeum_tnaot · Post by **daeum_tnaot** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:45 pm

David Gordon wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 12:30 pm Thanks to everyone for your replies. I’m interested whether anyone else has had any similar experience due to covid putting a pause on things.

And to @newkidontheblock I know you’re sincere - I really admire what you’ve been able to accomplish and in some ways I envy that. Good job and best wishes always to you and your lady.

I didn’t want to ignore your post but I also can’t lay out all my personal details here. It’s complicated ofc - it’s always complicated - she was once my betrothed and would have followed me to the ends of the earth. Still she’s coming to visit me elsewhere and voluntarily but who would refuse a free vaycay. Why elsewhere? She can’t deal with me in the context rn of her family and I understand that. Besides she also wants a vacation and staying in her town is not that.

She has refused to label our relationship any more because she says life is hard - we’ve been through a lot - and let’s just try to be happy.

Quite frankly - I choked when it was time for me to pull the trigger and that caused a loss of trust on her end. I returned home and we both were stuck. She was still willing to join me if I could arrange a visa and the reason why that’s not happened besides - it’s hard - is also complicated.

For you bozo’s - you don’t know her she would have never had occasion to talk to you unless you’re her boss and there’s never been another man.

She’s free and can move on if she wants to - I have just asked her to be honest with me if she does and I have also told her that when that time comes I will move out of the way and wish her the best life possible.

tl/dr - our relationship has no proper label or status - she has good reason not to keep the dream alive because I choked and dropped the ball. She’s a very decent lady and I admire her a lot.

She has refused to label your relationship means she's trying to establish control. You need to get back in control of the narrative. If you want her then you have to put that forward strongly and make it clear.

But TBH, if you want to be with this person you need to spend more time together- either you make more frequent visits or make an effort to bring her over to your side. What's your nationality? If American NKOTB can help you manage the US system.

But another angle- and perhaps the reason that it's awkward- is that the reason she doesn't want you to visit her home town is that she's betrothed to someone locally. If you are really interested in this person I would say a cameo to her home town is needed to scratch out your territory or test the waters.

Drizzle · Post by **Drizzle** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:50 pm

Hello my friend.
I sympathize with you greatly and feel your sorrow. Please remember it could be a case of 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. And i know, that after 3 years its very difficult to retain the same bond, especially when shes been getting RAILED HARD by some hairy back yanks.
Hope you work it out either way.

violet · Post by **violet** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:53 pm

daeum_tnaot wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:45 pm
She has refused to label your relationship means she's trying to establish control. You need to get back in control of the narrative. If you want her then you have to put that forward strongly and make it clear.

…

Heavens, we can’t have the little lady in control of the narrative.

daeum_tnaot · Post by **daeum_tnaot** » Mon Feb 06, 2023 10:00 pm

violet wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:53 pm
daeum_tnaot wrote: ↑Mon Feb 06, 2023 9:45 pm
She has refused to label your relationship means she's trying to establish control. You need to get back in control of the narrative. If you want her then you have to put that forward strongly and make it clear.

…

Heavens, we can’t have the little lady in control of the narrative.

All right, all right. The peanut gallery has spoken.

Your significant other, in the absence of any proper upbringing in how to conduct relationships since her mother and father were in an arranged marriage since the age of 17, has made a dysfunctional attempt to elicit your intentions for your relationship.

So you should state clearly what you want and come on strong with your intentions.

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