Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

orichá · Post by **orichá** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 3:27 pm

Chad Sexington wrote: ↑Wed Feb 23, 2022 2:44 pm The OP is reading way more into this than is necessary, it’ll be way more relaxed than he imagines... Just put in an appearance, sit for as long as you are comfortable (barangs get a pass from sitting cross legged for too long as most Khmer understand we’re not used to it) when your backside starts to stiffen up, excuse yourself to go stretch your legs ... ...Personally I found it all quite interesting, a huge contrast to what we know in the West.

CaliforniaGuy · Post by **CaliforniaGuy** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 3:48 pm

Chad Sexington wrote: ↑Wed Feb 23, 2022 2:44 pm The OP is reading way more into this than is necessary, it’ll be way more relaxed than he imagines.
There will be a bunch of relatives and most of the elders from the village and the monks, all in all there will be a fair crowd to get lost amongst.
Yes it will probably go on for some time, but you do not have to sit cross legged on the floor, rooted to the spot for the entire duration, people will be wandering in and out all the time, and it’s fairly certain there will be a table or two with chairs outside where folk will be shooting the breeze and quite possibly having a beer.
Just put in an appearance, sit for as long as you are comfortable (barangs get a pass from sitting cross legged for too long as most Khmer understand we’re not used to it) when your backside starts to stiffen up, excuse yourself to go stretch your legs, then park yourself somewhere more comfortable (such as the tables mentioned earlier) and experience the friendly curiosity from any villagers who’ve never seen a barang.
As for the funeral, for a simple village family, it’s possible the ceremony and the cremation will be carried out on the family’s land, within 48 hours of the death, if it’s a person from a family of stature in the village, and the ceremony is being carried out at the Wat, it may be a day, possibly two more (I’m not 100% sure because the couple I’ve attended have been the former)
Personally I found it all quite interesting, a huge contrast to what we know in the West.

Yes, this. You should go, I have been to one and was going to post something along these lines, but he said it much better than I could have.

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 3:50 pm

prell98765 wrote: ↑Wed Feb 23, 2022 8:21 am My wife has asked me to go to her village in Siem Reap with her tomorrow.

Her grandfather is very sick. She believes death is imminent.

She has asked me to go because there will be some gathering tomorrow of other elderly people and monks in his home for praying and whatnot.

Has anyone been to a gathering like this and what else can I expect?

There will be some chanting, the village elderly will be there, grandpa will be in the house surrounded by people. Your presence will be greatly appreciated.

There's also a chance some youngsters will be sitting outside under a tree and share a case of beer amongst them. Two worlds generally come together during these ceremonies. If I were you I'd just show up and leave after an hour or or two as your wife suggested.

prell98765 wrote: ↑Wed Feb 23, 2022 8:21 am If he passes away what are the typical funeral arrangements and when would they be and what would normally be expected of me in terms of length of time in the provinces and attendance? Should I expect to be in SR for the next week?

A funeral is generally held withing 48 hours of passing. The kind of funeral depends on the money the family will cough up. Could be a cheap cremation at the temple, or a private one in front of the house. If your wife thinks grandfather will pass away soon and she's right there will be the 7-day remembrance next week, not the funeral.

AndyKK · Post by **AndyKK** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 4:46 pm

It's all part and parcel of being in another country, and its possible different cultures, your wife seems to be considering you too, and the difficulty or how uncomfortable it may be, the situation and the heat of the day. I would just bite the bullet, and support your wife and family in need.

Big Daikon · Post by **Big Daikon** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 5:09 pm

If your wife and her family are important to you, you should go. They will appreciate it.

I attended my first Japanese funeral 5 years. Picked up the bone fragments with the metal chopsticks. The in-laws were happy I was there.

Equinix · Post by **Equinix** » Wed Feb 23, 2022 5:47 pm

Like a few others have said, you should def go. Its important to your wife and the family and for you it will be a new experience =)

Bluenose · Post by **Bluenose** » Thu Feb 24, 2022 8:29 am

Some of the local men attending will probably be grateful of your presence, it will give them an excuse to join you outside for a few beers.
Funerals "wakes" are a surprisingly relaxed and sometimes quite cheerful affairs. One of the elders in my girlfriend's family died in December, the funeral procession to the pagoda was the first time I've travelled standing in the back of a truck (garment worker style), my girlfriend was live-streaming it on Facebook.
White shirt, dark trousers, you're all set.

prell98765 · Post by **prell98765** » Thu Feb 24, 2022 9:22 am

I'm told they called a doctor to come look at the grandfather, and the doctor refused to come, because the grandfather is "too old."

AndyKK · Post by **AndyKK** » Thu Feb 24, 2022 9:51 am

prell98765 wrote: ↑Thu Feb 24, 2022 9:22 am I'm told they called a doctor to come look at the grandfather, and the doctor refused to come, because the grandfather is "too old."

Does that actually surprise you? The longer you are around people of the country your eye's will possibly be opened to all manner of things that you can't understand the reasoning or actions, at times even common sense seems to be lacking.

prell98765 · Post by **prell98765** » Fri Feb 25, 2022 11:35 am

The post above saying it would be informal and painless and just hanging out while people come and go was spot on.

He’s not dying as fast as the family expected. They’ll keep praying for a week and if he’s still alive it means the prayer worked and then they wrap things up. I get to go back to Phnom Penh tomorrow though, having put in my appearance.

The whole thing though could be the basis of a Monty Python sketch.

“Why is everyone here, I’m not dying yet.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Because we’re praying. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“I was just taking a nap.”

“You’re definitely dying soon. We rented all these chairs for the week for your vigil and funeral. Don’t be inconsiderate.”

“Piss off.”

Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

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Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

Re: Have you ever attended a "death watch"-type ceremony at the home of a dying elderly Cambodian?

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