Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
- siliconlife
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Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
Nice! Really good post that looks past the trappings other posters are falling into. Don't let culture get in the way of your families, people, it's up to you!armchairlawyer wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:01 am I read this in one of the Grauniad's many agony aunt column the other day. The question was actually about the couple having less sex than before but the bit I think is very true reads:
What sustains a marriage isn’t regular, terrific sex, it is honouring bids for attention. What I mean by this is that when one of you makes a remark (it need not be about sex, it could be as mundane as a comment about the cat), or otherwise seems to be asking for a response, that reaching out – the bid – is responded to, or, in other words, honoured.
Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.
Another indicator of a good marriage is loving touch – which isn’t necessarily sexual touch. Feeling relaxed with each other means you can share thoughts and feelings. Not feeling competitive with each other too often and not getting into a frequent scramble for the moral high ground also helps to make for a long-lasting, mutually supportive bond.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... ry-replies
IMHO, this is spot on. Respective ages, social backgrounds, bar girl provenance, linguistic ability - these don't matter a bean if you follow this advice.
Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
I think it's probably best I stay out of this one
- timmydownawell
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Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
You must walk in traffic to cross the road - Cambodian proverb
- Big Daikon
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Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
Face culture, I am guessing.
Went through that with a Japanese woman I dated. Argued with me over train stations and gave me completely wrong advice. She is Japanese and I am an American, so I was wrong.
Also very controlling and combative over trivial decisions (choosing a DVD or restaurant).
She was legit surprised when I broke it off.
Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
armchairlawyer wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:01 am I read this in one of the Grauniad's many agony aunt column the other day. The question was actually about the couple having less sex than before but the bit I think is very true reads:
What sustains a marriage isn’t regular, terrific sex, it is honouring bids for attention. What I mean by this is that when one of you makes a remark (it need not be about sex, it could be as mundane as a comment about the cat), or otherwise seems to be asking for a response, that reaching out – the bid – is responded to, or, in other words, honoured.
Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.
Another indicator of a good marriage is loving touch – which isn’t necessarily sexual touch. Feeling relaxed with each other means you can share thoughts and feelings. Not feeling competitive with each other too often and not getting into a frequent scramble for the moral high ground also helps to make for a long-lasting, mutually supportive bond.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... ry-replies
IMHO, this is spot on. Respective ages, social backgrounds, bar girl provenance, linguistic ability - these don't matter a bean if you follow this advice.
Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.
Does that mean you can ignore her 30% of the time and she will still be happy?
Oh look...
Ministry of Commerce urges Sweden to open IKEA in Cambodia
A weekend assembling Ikea furniture with a Khmer girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?
topic45219.html
- Jerry Atrick
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Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
This thread is wack
Particularly the OP; your previous thread was far better and wholesome, pal
Particularly the OP; your previous thread was far better and wholesome, pal
- Big Daikon
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Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
This sounds nice on paper, but doesn't seem like a realistic option. Our cultural backgrounds are such a huge part of our individual identities.
Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
Some stereotyping here...xandreu wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:21 am Be prepared to put up with a lot more than you would in a domestic relationship back home. I'm not talking anything too serious such as cheating or stealing from you - these should never be tolerated, I'm talking about the 'little white lies', the refusal to back down from an argument, even when the evidence is right in front of them, the 'I'll do it later' attitude (anytime between now and when I die), the belief that because they are now with a rich foreigner, why should they need to work and contribute to the household? The incredibly selective control they have over how much interaction you have with their family (you will be involved in family issues when it suits, other times it's none of your business)... I could go on, as I'm sure we all could.
The fact is that some, all of these things, and others to boot go with the territory of dating a Khmer.
Anyone who enters into a relationship with a Khmer without knowledge and acceptance of these things, is, in my opinion, doomed to fail.
As they so often do.
I have been with my Khmer lady for about ten years now, and I hardly recognize anything you wrote. Not saying we don't have our issues, we do, but not the one you mentioned.
Re: Methods we can use to avoid quarells and resolve issues
Of course ignoring our culture, or their culture, is impossible. You have to find some common ground, acceptable for both, before making commitments. IMHO most Khmer girls are pretty realistic about this if you can communicate with them beyond 'I love you long time' and 'me angry boxing you'.Big Daikon wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pmThis sounds nice on paper, but doesn't seem like a realistic option. Our cultural backgrounds are such a huge part of our individual identities.
IMHO it's not so much a cultural barrier, but a language barrier.
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