armchairlawyer wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:01 am I read this in one of the Grauniad's many agony aunt column the other day. The question was actually about the couple having less sex than before but the bit I think is very true reads:

What sustains a marriage isn’t regular, terrific sex, it is honouring bids for attention. What I mean by this is that when one of you makes a remark (it need not be about sex, it could be as mundane as a comment about the cat), or otherwise seems to be asking for a response, that reaching out – the bid – is responded to, or, in other words, honoured.

Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.

Another indicator of a good marriage is loving touch – which isn’t necessarily sexual touch. Feeling relaxed with each other means you can share thoughts and feelings. Not feeling competitive with each other too often and not getting into a frequent scramble for the moral high ground also helps to make for a long-lasting, mutually supportive bond.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... ry-replies

IMHO, this is spot on. Respective ages, social backgrounds, bar girl provenance, linguistic ability - these don't matter a bean if you follow this advice.

xandreu wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:21 am the refusal to back down from an argument, even when the evidence is right in front of them

DaveG wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 12:24 pm I think it's probably best I stay out of this one

armchairlawyer wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:01 am I read this in one of the Grauniad's many agony aunt column the other day. The question was actually about the couple having less sex than before but the bit I think is very true reads:

What sustains a marriage isn’t regular, terrific sex, it is honouring bids for attention. What I mean by this is that when one of you makes a remark (it need not be about sex, it could be as mundane as a comment about the cat), or otherwise seems to be asking for a response, that reaching out – the bid – is responded to, or, in other words, honoured.

Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.

Another indicator of a good marriage is loving touch – which isn’t necessarily sexual touch. Feeling relaxed with each other means you can share thoughts and feelings. Not feeling competitive with each other too often and not getting into a frequent scramble for the moral high ground also helps to make for a long-lasting, mutually supportive bond.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... ry-replies

IMHO, this is spot on. Respective ages, social backgrounds, bar girl provenance, linguistic ability - these don't matter a bean if you follow this advice.

Research has shown that when seven out of 10 bids in a marriage are honoured on both sides, the marriage will do well.

siliconlife wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:39 am Don't let culture get in the way of your families

xandreu wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:21 am Be prepared to put up with a lot more than you would in a domestic relationship back home. I'm not talking anything too serious such as cheating or stealing from you - these should never be tolerated, I'm talking about the 'little white lies', the refusal to back down from an argument, even when the evidence is right in front of them, the 'I'll do it later' attitude (anytime between now and when I die), the belief that because they are now with a rich foreigner, why should they need to work and contribute to the household? The incredibly selective control they have over how much interaction you have with their family (you will be involved in family issues when it suits, other times it's none of your business)... I could go on, as I'm sure we all could.

The fact is that some, all of these things, and others to boot go with the territory of dating a Khmer.

Anyone who enters into a relationship with a Khmer without knowledge and acceptance of these things, is, in my opinion, doomed to fail.

As they so often do.

Big Daikon wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 4:24 pm

siliconlife wrote: ↑Tue Jun 22, 2021 7:39 am Don't let culture get in the way of your families

This sounds nice on paper, but doesn't seem like a realistic option. Our cultural backgrounds are such a huge part of our individual identities.