Absolutely. This year has been possibly the roughest of my life, psychologically.

I'm not gonna lie, I brought a lot of it on myself, even if I learned a lot too, and hope to come out a better person. But there have been some horrible low points for me in 2020 that just brought me to places without self-esteem, as well as places that have made it difficult to see the light in others. I'm not sure which was worse: my view of other people or myself, or if it was a more overarching disappointment in the state of our species that included myself. And regarding that rather shitty self, in some ways I'm happy for the wake-up call. In others, I've just become incredibly pessimistic - and I've always been a bit of a pessimist.

The struggle to view life and society positively, was intensified when I started social distancing. It was either drink alone, and let all this shit come out, or face sobriety, and neither were appealing. But having a daughter put things into perspective, so I made the choice to spend several months off the booze as a result. I'm not an alcoholic, but I've been known to be a fairly wild binge drinker, and like a beer or 3 in the evening on week nights. I've started drinking again moderately as it is, but it doesn't feel the same, on my body or psyche, and I'm going to delve into some proper clarity again soon.

There was a while there, after I'd been completely sober 3 months or so that I felt like even my clarity of vision was getting better, like I was sensing things with a certain freshness. But that didn't change the fact that I was disappointed and disgusted with my fellow human beings, when I turned on the news, or even ventured onto the streets. And this is what scares me the most. I want to see what is good in others. I can see it in my beautiful daughter and wife, and some other people, mostly children and scientists, some artists. But in general, the era of covid seems to have highlighted the worst aspects of humanity for me, and pushed me deeper into my hole, where it seems I watch the world polarise around me while I pretend to be neutral.

I don't know if other people reading this can relate to it, or it's just some kind of self-centered rant, but if you are reading this, thanks for listening. I think it goes without saying that it would be great if we could we could all be a bit nicer to each other, no matter how stubborn or intractably disagreeable we might be.

I’d like to think that I’m a calmer, more considered, but not depressively introspective version of me with all this going on.

However, to think that would be a departure from reality. It does concern me that I might be more like a pressure cooker with a faulty relief valve when faced with the excessive bureaucracy that seems somewhat more pervasive than before.
I felt a fraction at the end of my patience on Saturday evening, after 3 trains and a frigging taxi for 2hours with a fucked wheel bearing, travelling for nigh on 12hours after working for 7 hours during the night. All because Air France didn’t want us as their only customers. Shits.

A sense of calm descends as I contemplate the correct length of nail to insert in the big end of an old baseball bat If it were summer, I’d snigger as ice creams fall from kiddies cones.

Grumpy...? Moi?

Ps. Great name for a cat.

This was the only relief on the TGV Thingy...some cute little thing, stroking her pussy for an hour

Nah. I enjoy what I have. A beer or JB if I want it. Sleep if I want. Eat what I want. I cook a mean curry so have that to eat. Also have a great soup to eat.
Make the best from what you have . Doesn't need to be Covid time . Just enjoy your life be it with wife , girlfriend, daughter or a take away.
Live for today. Plan for tomorrow. Let the future take care of itself.

Just got back from the hour drive to the EVA city office. One hour there, one hour back. Was told to verify my credit card that I used for the buying the airplane ticket for missus. EVA girl there dutifully has me fill out a form. Makes a copy, gives me the copy and tells me the verification process is now complete.

On a lark, decided to check the bank app before I getting on the freeway for the drive back.It’s a VISA debit card. Card was charged. Money shown as transferred. Now showing 2 charges from EVA, the most recent just now. Account is now almost empty. The ticket is the expensive one. Missus arrives in style.

Drove back the to EVA office. New EVA girl. Says the other girl is at lunch. New girl claims EVA never charged. Nothing in the EVA computer system. Show her the charge. She says to not worry about it. The charge should just disappear in a few days since it never happened.

She claims that that this issue has never happened before. But if it does, once it goes from ‘Pending’ to ‘Posted’ I should submit it to this magical email address.

And then EVA will try to figure out what happened.

Put me down as a grumpy now.