The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

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Kung-fu Hillbilly
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The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by Kung-fu Hillbilly »

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THE ART OF BEING A PERFECT EXPAT WIFE IN 10 LESSONS

It’s well known. Being an expat wife is a full time job. To master it, there are a few rules that need to be followed.

1. DON’T YOU DARE WORKING

It’s a basic, really. A good expat wife does not work. Period. You stay home and take care of the kids -I mean, on Sunday, when the nanny is off. You don’t have kids? Get pregnant -it should keep you busy for a while. If you do have the balls to create you own business, bare in mind that in most people’s mind, you’ll always be an expat wife. Because really, who’s making the big bucks here? But if working helps you feel confident and pay for the nail polish and hair salon, good for you.

2. NEVER MISS A SPA APPOINTMENT

Talking about nails and hair style, get a membership at your favourite spa right away. As it will soon become your new home. Go there at least once a week, and don’t forget to mention your cluttered schedule during conversations “I cannot today, I’m super busy, I need to get my nails done then I have a massage at 3pm…”.

3. SPEND HALF YOUR HUSBAND’S SALARY ON DECORATION

That gigantic villa isn’t gonna get all fancy and Pinteresty by itself. And as I was saying, you need to stay busy while others are working. Go shopping with your colleagues -aka fellow expat wives- and don’t forget : there is no limit… it’s not your money anyway. So who cares?

4. SPEND THE OTHER HALF IN BUBBLY BRUNCHES

Why should we keep the champagne only for big occasions? Isn’t a Tuesday morning good reason enough to pop the bottle and enjoy some bubbles? I hope you like smoked salmon and lobster, as a good expat wife never says no to fancy brunches. Of course, don’t forget to take photos for your perfect-life-Instagram-gallery.

5. COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR STAFF

A truly gifted expat wife will always find something to complain about. If it isn’t the helper who put your white t-shirt on the pile of dark t-shirts, the driver who was four minutes late this morning or the gardener who forgot an autumn leave on the balcony, I’m sure you’ll find something. Be creative!

6. MAKE INTERNATIONAL SCHOOLS YOUR FAVORITE TOPIC

And bitch about your colleagues’ bad choices of school. As the one you chose for your kids is obviously the best -even though they’ve got only one I-pad per student. Which is absolutely ridiculous, I agree.

7. GOSSIP. A LOT.

If you’re lucky enough, you live in a place with a small expat community where everyone knows everyone. Which allows you to gossip as much as you can, to get some action! If there' isn’t any good story out there, create it. Did you know the neighbour was sleeping with her gardener? Let yourself be inspired by the Queen Desperate Housewives. After all, they’re your role models, aren’t they?

8. GO TO THE GYM AND BE PRETTY

That’s all you have to do, so be sure to always have the perfect tan and to never miss a pilates session. Oh, and don’t forget to sleep with your personal trainer, while you’re at it.

9. NEVER TALK ABOUT YOURSELF. ALWAYS ABOUT HIM.

From now on, you only exist as “your husband’s wife”. When moving with him, you’ve given up your own identity. Forget surnames, business cards and nicknames, you are now his wife. That’s it. No even a woman. A wife. So when you make conversation, don’t forget to speak about him. His job, his professionalism, how grateful you are to be with such an incredible person... Most important : do NOT talk about you. Ever. What is there to talk about anyway, spas and brunches?

10. SHUT UP, SMILE AND BE HAPPY

You have the luxury of doing nothing while having tons of money. And we all know it’s always been your dream life. Do not dare complain to anyone. Ever. Even irony is forbidden -I’m actually risking a lot with that article. Shut up. And go prepare dinner for your husband instead of spending your time reading stupid blogs.

https://www.milesofhappiness.com/blog/t ... 6z2CS8RqfQ
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Lost50
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by Lost50 »

Its 'bear' not 'bare'. Otherwise good effort.
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rozzieoz
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by rozzieoz »

I supported my ex for years, he spent my money like he didn't have to work to earn it.
I have no idea why I tolerated it for so long.

I am certainly not your typical expat woman. :)
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John Bingham
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by John Bingham »

This article is more about wives of expats working in finance/ law etc in Hong Kong/Singapore/Dubai than the average foreigner here.
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Johno35
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by Johno35 »

rozzieoz wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 9:58 am I supported my ex for years, he spent my money like he didn't have to work to earn it.
I have no idea why I tolerated it for so long.

I am certainly not your typical expat woman. :)
It’s great to hear from a woman who knows how so many men feel.I keep trying to find a wife to support me in an expat woman’s type of lifestyle but no luck so far.
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Yerg
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by Yerg »

John Bingham wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 11:01 am This article is more about wives of expats working in finance/ law etc in Hong Kong/Singapore/Dubai than the average foreigner here.
It's a perfect description of Middle East ex-pat wives!! The bubbly brunches is nailed on!
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by LIVIDZX »

rozzieoz wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 9:58 am I have no idea why I tolerated it for so long.
You said you used to be a dom, was that a joke or? If not you could have shown him who's boss in that respect. :whip2:
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rozzieoz
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by rozzieoz »

Yerg wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 12:49 pm
John Bingham wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 11:01 am This article is more about wives of expats working in finance/ law etc in Hong Kong/Singapore/Dubai than the average foreigner here.
It's a perfect description of Middle East ex-pat wives!! The bubbly brunches is nailed on!
How silly of me to think that a post on a Cambodian Expat forum would be about Cambodian expats. My bad!
Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
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rozzieoz
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by rozzieoz »

LIVIDZX wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 4:20 pm You said you used to be a dom, was that a joke or? If not you could have shown him who's boss in that respect. :whip2:
No it wasn't a joke, I did it as a job for a while, but it's not a role that comes naturally to me. In relationships I am the opposite.
Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
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phuketrichard
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Re: The Art of Being the Perfect Expat Wife in 10 Lessons

Post by phuketrichard »

rozzieoz wrote: Sat Nov 14, 2020 8:18 am
LIVIDZX wrote: Fri Nov 13, 2020 4:20 pm You said you used to be a dom, was that a joke or? If not you could have shown him who's boss in that respect. :whip2:
No it wasn't a joke, I did it as a job for a while, but it's not a role that comes naturally to me. In relationships I am the opposite.

so ya did it for the $$$?

strange choice of a job
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