newkidontheblock wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:24 am The Khmer way of love.

Lying to your other half.
Or sugar coating the truth.

Missus keeps getting advice on how to have a good marriage. Don’t tell the other half anything that might be perceived as less than ideal. Related to anything. Spending, family issues, social issues, etc. Sugarcoat all, and avoid conflict.

The fear is the other half might perceive too many problems, and run away from it all.

Supposedly this is Khmer way of keeping love alive in a marriage.

Personally, I want to know everything, so any issues can be worked out, before it ever becomes a problem. The worst for me is pretending that the relationship is perfect when there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Anyone ever encounter this kind of advice?

I have the tea-shirt and worn it more than once, from kinda where you are. I also don't know you, nor your wife, only from that what is written and posted here. And, that's the point, and it is where you are right now, but you will be talking daily on the smartphone, messaging with text and photos. You listerning, rightly so to her thoughts and problems, and naturally wanting to give her your advice and knowledge. But your doing this from a distance, not being there when she needs you in person for whatever reason, and the same works both ways. Distance relationships are difficult at times and would be easier if your partner had been the same nationality has yourself with the similar values and family relationship, also the same thought, what is more so on this line, being anything of a problem she could normally book herself an airline ticket, board the plane and be by your side in a matter of days. Not so, I gather in your relationship together, meaning you would find it difficult to do the same. The panademic also has made this more difficult for some. Overall a distance relationship of this nature can be that of a tiresome time, the mind will certainly wander of good and not so, thoughts. It maybe that, you should consider your own thoughts, taking the above sugarcoated words as only that, just of words and nothing more of meaning too yourself, putting it down to one of the Khmer family ways.

Mrs atst: husband needs to work and give money to wife
Atst: but what if I what to go out
Mrs atst: ok wife give husband $2
Atst: why husband needs give all money to wife
Mrs atst: husband no good spend money on girl's and drinking , only wife good look after money
Atst: but some wife's no good too looking after money
Mrs atst: you drink to much I no like talking no happy.

ATST: yep all women tared with the same brush
When I was 17 I'm now 59 a married guy in his twenties told me
" if they didn't have that furry thing between thier legs you wouldn't even have them tied up out the back yard as a pet"
Funny how you remember things.

Marriage is like “measures” for coronavirus - it creates more problems than it solves.

If you absolutely have to marry, knock her up asap, that will keep her busy for a while.

hunter8 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:17 pm Marriage is like “measures” for coronavirus - it creates more problems than it solves.

If you absolutely have to marry, knock her up asap, that will keep her busy for a while.

Yep or your life (could) be hell for the next 18 years

Great advice everyone.

Thanks for all the concern. Missus shares all. Most Khmer are surprised at how ‘foreigner’ her thinking is about a great many things.

I’m just thinking of the Khmer marriages. The men go to KTV, spend time with mistresses, the women recklessly spend, maybe have men on the side as well. Could it be because they actually sugarcoat it all, and never have honest discussions? Many of them are so hollow and sad.

Actually she is the person I want to be. Always looking for the good part in (almost) everyone. Never wanting to gossip. Never wondering about anything that doesn’t concern her. Always wanting to help out everyone. Always having an open ear and an open mind.

newkidontheblock wrote: I’m just thinking of the Khmer marriages. The men go to KTV, spend time with mistresses, the women recklessly spend, maybe have men on the side as well. Could it be because they actually sugarcoat it all, and never have honest discussions? Many of them are so hollow and sad.

Don't you think you're maybe making generalizations of your own? Or sugarcoating your own marriage?

I have said before, the best girls are those who have their own jobs, and earn their own money. These girls are often smarter, and put more effort into life. However:

There is still the bride price. In many families a foreigner would be expected to pay around double what a Cambodian would pay for the same girl. They think all foreigners are very rich.

Then they expect the daughter and husband to support the parents financially for the rest of their lives. There may also be other hanger's on, like lazy brothers.

So even when you get a girl with her own income, you are still expected to hand over money until the parents get old and die.

I know some foreigners who have worked in Cambodia for many years. One of them was single for many years, and he began to get older. Talking to one of his friends, I said, I don't know why he does not get a Cambodian girl. His friend said, they all just want money. That is from someone who has worked in Cambodia for a long time. The fellow did eventually meet another foreign lady, and married her.

Then I think, I know a beautiful orphan who lives with her aunt and uncle. Could you get away with paying less if you were with her?

I did meet a foreigner with a girlfriend who was an orphan, so she had no family to pay money to.

explorer wrote: ↑Tue Aug 04, 2020 10:10 am I have said before, the best girls are those who have their own jobs, and earn their own money. These girls are often smarter, and put more effort into life. However:

There is still the bride price. In many families a foreigner would be expected to pay around double what a Cambodian would pay for the same girl. They think all foreigners are very rich.

Then they expect the daughter and husband to support the parents financially for the rest of their lives. There may also be other hanger's on, like lazy brothers.

So even when you get a girl with her own income, you are still expected to hand over money until the parents get old and die.

I know some foreigners who have worked in Cambodia for many years. One of them was single for many years, and he began to get older. Talking to one of his friends, I said, I don't know why he does not get a Cambodian girl. His friend said, they all just want money. That is from someone who has worked in Cambodia for a long time. The fellow did eventually meet another foreign lady, and married her.

Then I think, I know a beautiful orphan who lives with her aunt and uncle. Could you get away with paying less if you were with her?

I did meet a foreigner with a girlfriend who was an orphan, so she had no family to pay money to.

Family in law might have all kinds of expectations, but that doesn't mean you have live according to them. And the bride price is a meme. If you don't want to fall into that trap, there's all kinds of ways around it. I don't understand why, in a mixed marriage, it should be done the Cambodian way 100%. Seems a bad start to me.

A bit of common sense is all you need. And the ability to say no. It's really not that hard.

Having said that, I do support my wife's mother (86) every month, just like the families of her other kids do. I also support my sister back home a little bit by the way. Some people just draw the shortest straw in life and need some support every now and then.

I don't mind supporting people with genuine needs.

But in some families you support lazy people, and a lot of the money goes to buying beer. If you give money to the mother, she will give some money to the husband and/or sons to buy beer.

Of course the key is to only marry into a good family to start with.

explorer wrote: ↑Tue Aug 04, 2020 10:10 am
Then they expect the daughter and husband to support the parents financially for the rest of their lives. There may also be other hanger's on, like lazy brothers.

So even when you get a girl with her own income, you are still expected to hand over money until the parents get old and die.

s

Or find a girl that's parents both work and aren't lazy idiots.
And lazy brothers can drop dead.