Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

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Duncan
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by Duncan » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:47 am

explorer wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 6:01 am
newkidontheblock wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 11:47 pm
However in Kyrgyzstan, there is bride kidnapping.
It is rare, but it does still happen in Cambodia.

I bet you know someone who is a friend where the groom has been kidnapped .
Cambodia,,,, Don't fall in love with her.
Like the spoilt child she is, she will not be happy till she destroys herself from within and breaks your heart.
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by ramone » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:01 am

In Cambodia, you don't get a wedding invitation; you get a wedding invoice. What you pay is up to you and when it is your turn to get married, the married couple will attend your wedding, and will give you an envelope with the same amount. All of this is written down in a book.
So instead of wedding gifts, money is used to pay for the wedding. Sometimes, they make a profit on the wedding. It pays to have a wide circle of friends, especially ones with money. This is for wedding guests only and quite aside of the negotiations between the future husband and his future in-laws.
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by daeum_tnaot » Wed Jul 08, 2020 11:09 am

GMJS-CEO wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 2:48 am
I believe it goes to the cost of wedding, seems like a normal kind of expense to have. I paid for an engagement party, just gave the money to mom in-law and she set everything up.
Before I posted an analysis of the custom from my partner: "I have asked my 'local source' and she explained to me that, in the case of a family that doesn't have much money, they may take the bride-price and use it to pay for her side of the wedding. Or if they already have a reasonable amount of money, and according to their discretion, they will use their own money to pay for their daughter's side of the wedding. And then after the wedding they will give the bride-price to the bride, to be used by the couple for their future life.

For the wedding, the woman's side has to pay for more expenses. And the two families keep the donations they get from their guests according to whose guest it was. (I.e. if the groom's guest donated $100, then his family will keep that money.)


Assuming this is accurate, if a foreigner paid for the entire wedding, they are essentially paying for something that the bride's family would be partly responsible for paying. Which in the mind of the family may be in lieu of paying the "bride price".

It seems likely that there is a greater amount of variation when foreigners marry Khmer people, vs. when Khmer marry Khmer. If this thread is about the general practice in Cambodia, it seems that using information for marriages to foreigners may not be an accurate indicator.

Someone should do a study or survey of this- never heard of anyone studying it, which is surprising!
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by phuketrichard » Wed Jul 08, 2020 1:51 pm

my gf's sister got married in Svay Rieng to a local boy, ( it was an arranged marriage and she did not want it) in 2017
he paid $3,000 bride price, dowry, whatever you want to call it
after the wedding she refused to sleep with him.
she / her parents were made to return the $3,000
In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. HST
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by Kayve » Wed Jul 08, 2020 3:13 pm

Satisfied or refund 100% :lol:
Don't forget the water buffalo
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by clutchcargo » Wed Jul 08, 2020 5:45 pm

newkidontheblock wrote:
Tue Jul 07, 2020 11:47 pm
However in Kyrgyzstan, there is bride kidnapping.
Even happens in the US with a Kazahk person according to his tradition.. :stir:

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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by explorer » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:17 pm

Duncan wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:47 am
I bet you know someone who is a friend where the groom has been kidnapped .
I have a bicycle, and cycle to villages, and to a lot of different places. Many times people have warned me not to go any further down certain roads, as it may not be safe. I normally ask questions, and let them explain the situation.

Sometimes people ask me if I am scared to cycle by myself, sometimes quite some distance from town. Again, I normally ask questions, and get their perspective.

Occasionally I joke with them, and when they have asked me if I am scared, I have said: 'scared I might get kidnapped by a beautiful girl?'

I have also been in villages, and occasionally mothers have tried to encourage me to have a romantic interest in their daughters. Sometimes they also joke. A couple of times, mothers have said, we might tie you up so you have to stay here. In both cases I said: 'that's OK, your daughter is very beautiful.' But they have never tied me up and forced me to stay with their beautiful daughters.
Last edited by explorer on Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
## I thought I knew all the answers, but they changed all the questions. ##
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by explorer » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:24 pm

ramone wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:01 am
In Cambodia, you don't get a wedding invitation; you get a wedding invoice. What you pay is up to you and when it is your turn to get married, the married couple will attend your wedding, and will give you an envelope with the same amount. All of this is written down in a book.
So instead of wedding gifts, money is used to pay for the wedding.
You get a wedding invitation. You can't call it an invoice.

They record how much everyone gives.

When that family attend your wedding, or a wedding of a family member of yours, they are supposed to give twice as much as you gave them.
## I thought I knew all the answers, but they changed all the questions. ##
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by BDT92 » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:38 pm

I refused to pay the bride price during talks with my ex-girlfriend's family during talks of taking her hand in marriage. I dumped her ass right then and there and just walked out. She was a lovely girl, but I did not agree with paying any kind of fee to marry their daughter. Fucking dogs were only 55 or so years old and retired. I told them that they should get off their lazy fucking asses and work if they want money. That's ok. It was a good relationship with great sex! I just moved on to another great relationship. The same thing will probably happen again. That's ok. It's a good excuse to enjoy sex and not get married. It's the Cambodians' fault anyways that their system is broken.
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Re: Is paying a bride price a good idea in Cambodian culture?

Post by Anchor Moy » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:22 pm

explorer wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:24 pm
ramone wrote:
Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:01 am
In Cambodia, you don't get a wedding invitation; you get a wedding invoice. What you pay is up to you and when it is your turn to get married, the married couple will attend your wedding, and will give you an envelope with the same amount. All of this is written down in a book.
So instead of wedding gifts, money is used to pay for the wedding.
You get a wedding invitation. You can't call it an invoice.

They record how much everyone gives.

When that family attend your wedding, or a wedding of a family member of yours, they are supposed to give twice as much as you gave them.
In my experience, Ramone is correct and the wedding "gift" of each guest is recorded in a book. But also IME, the amount of money that you give at a wedding is determined by other things like the closeness of your relation to the married couple or their family, but also your status and their status in society. You don't give the same amount at every wedding.
So, there is definitely no rule about giving twice as much or anything like that. As a rule, if you are invited to a wedding, but are not really connected to the married couple, then you pay for the meal and you try to eat and drink your money's worth.
It's a bit different if you are closely connected to one of the families, if you are barang, or if you are the boss of one of the married people. In that case, you are expected to pay more, which defines your (perceivedly higher) social status within the group.
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