What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

Duncan · Post by **Duncan** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:02 am

daeum_tnaot wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:53 am
fred_stone wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 3:29 am
daeum_tnaot wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 12:05 am The legal aspect or the social aspect?
More of the social aspect. I dont think theres much on the legal side. Its not a marrage. I was told that she will change her dress 3 to 5 times. Im just kinda in the dark about what i do. I was told that i can rent my outfit.
Apparently there are some minor legal aspects, which are actually more like navigating the social environment related to law enforcement.

There have been a few reports on here of the police actually busting up engagement ceremonies. The consensus response was that you should inform the local police of your ceremony and make sure they are "happy".

From the social side, can't your fiance tell you what to expect? I hope you can both speak the same language. In any case, I'm sure everyone will be very nice to you, you will rarely be made to feel out of place or that you did something wrong. I wouldn't worry about it.

Can't you just have a cake with ''Happy Birthday '' on it instead of a wedding cake. Then have a ''Birthday Party '', I'm sure everyone will be happy with that when you tell everyone this is the latest fashion for 2020 and that's how it is done in the USA.

daeum_tnaot · Post by **daeum_tnaot** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:06 am

I forgot what NKOTB mentioned about the dowry. Normally the dowry is negotiated when the parents of one child meet the parents of the other to discuss the marriage. If this is a factor in your case you can either accept whatever they want or you could try to negotiate it somewhat. I am told that in some cases the dowry will be given to the couple after the wedding for them to enjoy their new life, or if the family is a little more greedy or poor they will keep it for themselves.

John Bingham · Post by **John Bingham** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:11 am

A dowry is money/gifts given by the bride's family, as in India.

newkidontheblock · Post by **newkidontheblock** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:43 am

Apparently it’s a little more complex for a foreigner to have an engagement ceremony to a Khmer.

Legally, needs to be down the marriage path in terms of paperwork. Ministry actually advised that it was a good time to have a engagement ceremony. Local police will check on the ceremony, to make sure it’s not fake, and of course for their appreciation money.

Showing money during the engagement for all to publicly see is more a show of face for the family than anything else. Dowry could be an actual payment for the daughter if the family is poor, to no dowry if both families are city folk and equal socioeconomic class. In my case, much of the dowry paid for the engagement ceremony, pre-wedding pictures, wedding ceremony. The remainder missus keeps in reserve. Family was already living in the non-aircon part of the bunker at the time. It took a few monthly visits to bring enough cash to cover it all. As the only foreigner in the family, I was expected to give good face to the family.

Anyways, your better half will guide you along.

Good luck and enjoy your special day.

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 12:09 pm

newkidontheblock wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:43 am As the only foreigner in the family, I was expected to give good face to the family.

Anyways, your better half will guide you along.

Good luck and enjoy your special day.

I disagree with that one. Be careful not to raise unrealistic expectations with your family in law. Supporting your own family will cost you if you want to offer them a more or less convenient life and supporting your whole family in law, even if it’s just some support, can be quite a burden. And not just financially.

No need to be the cheapest Charly in town, but also no need to pretend you’re the millionaire with unlimited funds saving the village.

Make small gestures, not big ones, and use your own common sense beside your fiancée’s advise. She’s trapped in her culture, and even though you marry a Cambodian that doesn’t mean your culture doesn’t matter amymore. So use the big head too.

phuketrichard · Post by **phuketrichard** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 12:27 pm

newkidontheblock
...As the only foreigner in the family, I was expected to give good face to the family.

dont ya mean ..As the only foreigner in the family, I was expected to pay for everything
and it seems you have falling into the farang trap, which once you enter your stuck for life

in Khmer engagement/wedding parties, the money spent on the party, misc expenses, are re coup'd with the pink envelop gifts.

Marry an orphan...

khmerhamster · Post by **khmerhamster** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 1:19 pm

Are there any docs to run or permissions to get for an engagement?
I thought only required for a wedding...

daeum_tnaot · Post by **daeum_tnaot** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 1:40 pm

John Bingham wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:11 am A dowry is money/gifts given by the bride's family, as in India.

If you want to split hairs, we can use the Khmer word, "Tlai tuk doh", but it seems people know what we are talking about. But you're right, I looked it up and it should be "bride-price" in English.

daeum_tnaot · Post by **daeum_tnaot** » Sat Jun 27, 2020 1:44 pm

newkidontheblock wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:43 am Apparently it’s a little more complex for a foreigner to have an engagement ceremony to a Khmer.

Legally, needs to be down the marriage path in terms of paperwork. Ministry actually advised that it was a good time to have a engagement ceremony. Local police will check on the ceremony, to make sure it’s not fake, and of course for their appreciation money.

If this person is not planning on getting legally married in Cambodia (which it seems that they are not), then I would suggest that they resist the attempt by the Cambodian authorities to barge their way into all kinds of people's personal issues. Why unnecessarily inform them of what is a private matter at their own home? This just gives them excuses to create more fuss, unnecessary hurdles that require more ridiculous payments.

If its in Phnom Penh they may be able to just do it without informing anyone, in the rural areas maybe just inform the police. As I recall this is what others have done and most had no problem.

Tarndog · Post by **Tarndog** » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:21 am

newkidontheblock wrote: ↑Sat Jun 27, 2020 6:25 am Okhna families have silly crazy money. Like rolls of $10,000 USD bills and gold, silver, and diamonds.

I'm curious, what does a 10,000 USD bill look like??

What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

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Re: What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

Re: What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

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Re: What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

Re: What to expect when getting engaged in Cambodia

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