Duncan wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:27 am

Kratom123 wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:34 am

xandreu wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:32 pm I was recently chatting to someone who explained to me how he goes about deciding if the Khmer women he meets are keepers or not.

He says that he'll date a woman for a couple of months, get to know her, let her know that he's not exactly rich but is doing ok, and see where the relationship goes.

If it seems to be going ok, after a couple of months, he'll invent a story which puts him in a very negative financial situation. Usually something along the lines of a member of his family back home becoming very sick, and he has to start sending money back to help out. He'll make out that he can just about afford it, but he'll have to do things like find much cheaper alternative accommodation, stop eating / drinking out and basically cut right back on his (their) living expenses.

He keeps this up for a few weeks and gauges how his new girlfriend reacts to the new situation. He said many of them will find excuses to leave him, in which case, he's grateful that he's learned something about her now rather than further down the line.

If she sticks by him and is prepared to weather the storm so to speak, he knows she's a keeper. Once he's satisfied that she's not with him just for money, he'll simply say that the family member has recovered and all's back to normal.

I'm torn between thinking that this is genius and thinking that this is a pretty terrible thing to base a relationship on.

Ethical. Hhhmmmm sometimes i wonder is anything ethical in Cambodia. I married a khmer lady. I didnt realise i was also marrying mother,father,brotherand 3 sisters.

It's obvious you did not check with other members married to Khmer woman first before you got married ?

Duncan wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 11:27 am

Kratom123 wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 10:34 am

xandreu wrote: ↑Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:32 pm I was recently chatting to someone who explained to me how he goes about deciding if the Khmer women he meets are keepers or not.

He says that he'll date a woman for a couple of months, get to know her, let her know that he's not exactly rich but is doing ok, and see where the relationship goes.

If it seems to be going ok, after a couple of months, he'll invent a story which puts him in a very negative financial situation. Usually something along the lines of a member of his family back home becoming very sick, and he has to start sending money back to help out. He'll make out that he can just about afford it, but he'll have to do things like find much cheaper alternative accommodation, stop eating / drinking out and basically cut right back on his (their) living expenses.

He keeps this up for a few weeks and gauges how his new girlfriend reacts to the new situation. He said many of them will find excuses to leave him, in which case, he's grateful that he's learned something about her now rather than further down the line.

If she sticks by him and is prepared to weather the storm so to speak, he knows she's a keeper. Once he's satisfied that she's not with him just for money, he'll simply say that the family member has recovered and all's back to normal.

I'm torn between thinking that this is genius and thinking that this is a pretty terrible thing to base a relationship on.

Ethical. Hhhmmmm sometimes i wonder is anything ethical in Cambodia. I married a khmer lady. I didnt realise i was also marrying mother,father,brotherand 3 sisters.

It's obvious you did not check with other members married to Khmer woman first before you got married ?

hunter8 wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 9:02 am

Anthony's Weiner wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 5:44 am
Researchers have found that people show a greater stress response when lying in a second language because it is already more challenging to speak the second language and lying increases the cognitive stress.

Haha, this is interesting.
Problem is no matter that I tell the truth, Khmer ladies still think I am lying. I mentioned before they don’t believe me when I say I had never had a Cambodian girlfriend. It’s because I speak Khmer to them.


What can science recommend? Keep telling the truth or start lying that yes, I did have a Cambodian girlfriend but we broke up long ago? And I am not ready to give up speaking Khmer to them because it’s part of the fun for me when being in another country.

Anthony's Weiner wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 12:50 pm

hunter8 wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 9:02 am

Anthony's Weiner wrote: ↑Sat Nov 23, 2019 5:44 am
Researchers have found that people show a greater stress response when lying in a second language because it is already more challenging to speak the second language and lying increases the cognitive stress.

Haha, this is interesting.
Problem is no matter that I tell the truth, Khmer ladies still think I am lying. I mentioned before they don’t believe me when I say I had never had a Cambodian girlfriend. It’s because I speak Khmer to them.


What can science recommend? Keep telling the truth or start lying that yes, I did have a Cambodian girlfriend but we broke up long ago? And I am not ready to give up speaking Khmer to them because it’s part of the fun for me when being in another country.

I imagine you find this stressful, certainly, it would take the fun out of a situation for me if I was being honest and the other party considered me to be untruthful.
There are a number of possible answers to your conundrum. First would be psychological projection, Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with unwanted feelings. An example of this would be the bar girl who tells you she usually works as a cashier or has only worked in a bar since the beginning of this month. As she is paid to lie and finds it unpleasant, she projects that quality onto you. Secondly, I think past history would be a factor, it is uncommon for a man to have spent enough time in SEA to learn a language and not have a partner. Especially more so a man with your attributes. Finally, it may actually be something you are doing without being cognisant of, body language and tone of voice. Professor Mehrabian combined the statistical results of the two studies and came up with the now-famous—and famously misused—93 percent rule that communication is only 7 percent verbal and 93 percent non-verbal. The non-verbal component was made up of body language (55 percent) and tone of voice (38 percent). It is possible that your body language is suggesting that you lie when you are not. Sweating, shifting in your seat, not making eye contact would be examples.

I have attached a link to an article entitled 8 ways to be a better liar. Perhaps it could help you make your truths more believable to the other party. Alternatively, you could play the duck in social situations and save your linguistic ability for the market. the Khmer ladies would not expect you to speak Khmer and not be disappointed if you do speak English. The Khmer lady would speak freely about you in your presence believing you would not understand what she is saying. I do not consider this to be lying, some are linguists others are cunning linguists.

https://www.insider.com/how-to-be-a-good-liar-2018-3