Death

xandreu · Post by **xandreu** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:44 am

I've met two or three expats recently that have fallen on hard times and tell me they'd rather commit suicide than return to their home countries. And they told me with such passion, I kinda believe them.

Firstly, I'd suggest that Cambodia is not the be all and end all of everything. They might think that life is getting them down, but it's perfectly possible that it's just Cambodia itself that's the problem, and perhaps they just need to take a break from it. Cambodia is NOT a normal country. You just have to go to Vietnam, Thailand or Malaysia to remind yourself how abnormal Cambodia is.

And following on from that, there are many countries, be it South America, Europe, Russia, other Asian countries that you can find work in. A chore? Or an adventure?

As native English speaking westerners, the world is our absolute oyster and we tend to forget that sometimes. We can go to any country we wish and teach English on a private basis (even on a tourist visa ... who's to know?) or we can teach English online. We are so blessed that our opportunities are literally endless.

Don't confuse being tired of Cambodia with being tired of life. Many of us have endured Cambodia for more than a few years. Some have decided that Cambodia is as good as it gets and have happily settled here. Others have been here for many years but don't trust their Khmer partner enough to involve them in their secret stash they keep in their European or US accounts, and the rest have fully immersed themselves into he wife / girlfriend/ family thing, in the belief that that's how things are done out here.

The fact is, it's all up to you. And if none of it appeals to you, book a cheap AirAsia flight somewhere else.

Cambodia is a small SE Asian country. It suits some. It doesn't suit others. If it doesn't suit you, try somewhere else.

But it certainly aint worth your life.

explorer · Post by **explorer** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:19 am

xandreu wrote: ↑Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:44 am I've met two or three expats recently that have fallen on hard times and tell me they'd rather commit suicide than return to their home countries.

If you see them again, ask them why.

Happiness comes from doing positive things for others. In Cambodia there are a lot of people you can help. For example, help a child from a poor family get a good education. Or go to a poor school and volunteer to teach English. There are some NGOs you can help.

Jack mehoff · Post by **Jack mehoff** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:55 am

Good post and topic.
I recently had a conversation with an expat who has lived in PP for over 10 year's. We discussed that there seems to be a increase in suicide and OD"s the last few months. It's hard to tell if there is more or if it's just reported more. Possibly it's due to an increase in tourism and foreigners living here. Not long ago, the owner of a guesthouse would take a body outside before anyone called about a dead foreigner on their property. It seems those bodies were picked up without much reported on it.
I also think some of these suicides and OD's are people that might have been diagnosed with an illness and come out to Asia for a final blowout and never intended to return home. Not to mention the amount of guys that come for the darkside of things and are so far down the path of substance abuse and mentally unstable that suicide and OD are just a slight misstep from their normal life.

xandreu · Post by **xandreu** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 3:17 am

explorer wrote: ↑Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:19 am
xandreu wrote: ↑Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:44 am I've met two or three expats recently that have fallen on hard times and tell me they'd rather commit suicide than return to their home countries.
If you see them again, ask them why.

Happiness comes from doing positive things for others. In Cambodia there are a lot of people you can help. For example, help a child from a poor family get a good education. Or go to a poor school and volunteer to teach English. There are some NGOs you can help.

Of course, as soon as the subject pops up, I ask them why / what for etc... I try to point out the things / options I pointed out in my original post, but I fear they fell on deaf ears.

I totally agree that happiness comes from within. I currently work for a school that doesn't provide the basic essentials the students need in order to learn, and I happily go to IBS and buy (with my own money) what they need. I'm in a constant state of battle with the admin team about getting my money back, but that's a different thread altogether.

For me, the important thing is the contribution I can make to someone else's life. If it's a small deal to me but a big deal to them, it's worth it. If it's a big deal to them but a small deal to me, I generally question it.

That's life though isn't it? Sometimes you give a little and get a lot. Sometimes you give a lot and get little, apart from self satisfaction, in return.

SternAAlbifrons · Post by **SternAAlbifrons** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 3:19 am

None of us knows for sure, what we will choose when the time comes.
But i like to think i will stick to my current plan when i start to "go terminal".

In the past few years i have seen two close friends go out after spending their last couple of years in hospitals, having surgery and all the the other special tortures of the oncologist. Then their final period in a hospice.
Tough old bastards who fought all the way and prolonged their life as a result.

But I think i would prefer my last couple of months on a warm timber deck, surrounded by nature, on an boat here in Cambodia.
Even if it meant a quicker death.
My worst nightmare is the thought of going back to the west for treatment, then not being able to get back here for the end.
Hospitals are a horrible cold sterile place to die., and to spend your last couple years.

(good topic, thanks Xan)

samrong01 · Post by **samrong01** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:23 am

Suicide is not always an irrational decision. If you have a fatal disease, as I have, which will eventually lead to a slow painful death, then suicide can be an attractive and reasonable option. I fully intend to make the most of the time I have but may take the decision to die when my condition starts to deteriorate.

I understand those not willing to return to the west to die. In the west nobody gives a damn about old folks and they stick them in old peoples homes to rot. I visited one place where I met an old lady who told me in tears that nobody, not even her children, ever came to visit her and she was losing her mind surrounded by demented old folk. Yes you can get treatment to prolong life but is that a life worth living?

In Cambodia I am fortunate in having Khmer people who love me and will take care of me. Currently I am in the west and find it cold and sterile with everybody in their cars and the only folks walking are old people like me. In Cambodia there are people everywhere and I walk around getting waves and smiles from pretty girls and children which make my day.

My ambition is to die hearing the sounds of laughing children and young people in a village in Cambodia.

Kampoochie · Post by **Kampoochie** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 5:21 am

I think there's an element of "cool, you spat out the expected script" when you tell people "get help, people care, life can change, blah blah blah."

That's not to say it's ill-intentioned or doesn't succeed in a preventative way in many cases, but I suspect with a lot of Cambodian expats, they feel marked since conception or at least early childhood to have this fate — maybe the specific stresses of Cambodia have slightly tipped them into a mental state they've found themselves in many times in the past, and this is the end of the line.

I suspect a good number of expats, before landing in Cambodia, have the option of dying in Cambodia in the back of their minds, even if they find themselves with a full life a year or three or five down the road.

What I try to do if someone is talking this way is tie them down to a light commitment, a sense that they tangibly matter to someone else because we're gonna watch a game or have a drink (the latter is maybe not helpful in the long run for many people, but you get the idea).

fax · Post by **fax** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:03 am

I am not so sure that it is so easy to just pack up and go elsewhere. As different and crazy of a country that it is, longtimers have adapted to it and been shaped by it.

For me personally it would be very difficult to start fresh in modern civilization. It is not just a plane ticket. It's a new life with a new beginning.

You either leave Cambodia before it happens, or you stay long enough for Cambodia to become an irreversible part of you. Life shaped here is not easily uprooted.

Fly, you fools.

Duncan · Post by **Duncan** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:07 am

samrong01 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 24, 2019 4:23 am Suicide is not always an irrational decision. If you have a fatal disease, as I have, which will eventually lead to a slow painful death, then suicide can be an attractive and reasonable option. I fully intend to make the most of the time I have but may take the decision to die when my condition starts to deteriorate.

I understand those not willing to return to the west to die. In the west nobody gives a damn about old folks and they stick them in old peoples homes to rot. I visited one place where I met an old lady who told me in tears that nobody, not even her children, ever came to visit her and she was losing her mind surrounded by demented old folk. Yes you can get treatment to prolong life but is that a life worth living?

In Cambodia I am fortunate in having Khmer people who love me and will take care of me. Currently I am in the west and find it cold and sterile with everybody in their cars and the only folks walking are old people like me. In Cambodia there are people everywhere and I walk around getting waves and smiles from pretty girls and children which make my day.

My ambition is to die hearing the sounds of laughing children and young people in a village in Cambodia.

I think you nailed it right there. How many times have I felt a bit down only to have a happy day made by some little kid wave to me and say hello. Then there are the times some chick looks at me twice and gives a big smile and I laugh to my self thinking hey does she really dig 72 year old guys or does she like my money.

phuketrichard · Post by **phuketrichard** » Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:37 am

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem>
We all have down days, but as one ages and if one is alone, those down days run on and on an with no change in sight.....

For myself, taking my life when the time is right is a personal decision. It will take place when i can no longer take care of myself.

To die in a hospital is not on my radar..

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