Its inevitable when you share a roof and a bed; a real relationship, to have some misunderstanding, disagreement, and more. Sometimes it can escalate to a full on heated argument, a fight.

A few times we have went from 0-60 in the blink of an eye. It bewilders me, as I don't usually really see it coming, and as I am a reflective type, I wonder if it is cultural or personality and how I could have handled it differently.

It can be unnerving how it plays out, and quite frankly scares me a bit, because I wonder what I did wrong and how it could have been avoided.

I would like to ask you; do you and your partner fight much? What are some of the doozies that left you shaking your head?

I will share my most recent.

My lady's sister became involved with a Barang, and it went south rather quickly. (She's inspired by her sister and I, of course) I never met him and was told to ignore him and not talk to him. I creeped his FB page, and had sent him a message early on that if he ever wanted to talk, I was open to it.

(incidentally, they could both have avoided a lot of heartache if they had solicited my help and advice sooner)

After it all blew up, he saw and responded to my message. I tried to keep an open mind, and was polite as we had some respectful exchange.

He told me some things that were upsetting to me, and as I believe that there is seldom any truth uglier than a lie, I did what I usually do and just told all to my lady.

First off, she was upset that I talked to him. I told her she cannot tell me who I can choose to talk to. She then immediately assumed that I was taking his side, and it all blew up in my face. I tried to tell her that I was simply reporting what I had heard.

This was all done from a distance via chat, as I am currently out of country.

She said some mean things (but I have since learned that usually doesn't last more than overnight) and of course I was bewildered and a little more than upset. First off, I was and am concerned for her sister, who I love as my own. Secondly, I was upset about some of the things I was told, which I actually believe is not all lies, and not necessarily defensible.

In the end, It makes me wonder if my "honesty is the best policy" way of thinking has any merit at all.

Coming from someone who shares your viewpoint that there is no truth uglier than a lie, I would tell you to not lose faith in your approach, and never cede to your Khmer wife/girlfriend, unless of course you find you honestly made a mistake. They have brains about the size of a BB, and an education and wisdom to match.

I have had many live-in girlfriends over my time here, and just as you mentioned, a dustup occurs. Many times, i remind them of my expectations, give her a warning, and we move on to live another day. But inevitably, the same shit happens again, and again. That's when I throw her out and don't look back.

I have often questioned whether I have the staying power to keep a relationship for a lifetime, as it gets lonely occasionally, especially at times like now when they're all going back to their families in the provinces and I'm stuck here alone.

But in the end, i believe that I'm better off alone than with someone who makes my life miserable, and who can't learn from past mistakes. I forget whose account on CEO it is that says "Cambodia, don't let her change you" but I find that very applicable here and wise. I know I've tried to teach them not only by my actions, but with my verbal reminders as well. Meanwhile, the only thing they teach me is how little they can remember (subject of a recent post). Despite numerous pleas of "I'm sorry!," I don't give a ton of chances. Actions mean a fuck of a lot more to me than words do. Life's too short.

In the end, we all have to make decisions about what's best for our lives. I'm sure you will make the best decisions for yourself as well. Good luck!

This sounds like stereotyping.

Thenewstoday wrote: ↑Thu Apr 11, 2019 1:18 am This sounds like stereotyping.

I use the exact same approach with everyone, man or woman, young or old, beautiful or hideous, rich or poor. How can that be stereotyping?

A dozen years back, there was a female British teacher (not ACE) who was in a relationship with a Khmer guy. The two lovers were in their late 20s or early 30s.

One evening the Khmer went to bed in a furious sulk that persisted for several days. Finally, the British woman could stand it no longer and demanded to know what was going on.
It turned out that on the evening the moodiness started, the Khmer had watched a Cambodian movie in which the woman cheated on her lover. That convinced him that his partner would do likewise to himself.

Tarndog wrote: ↑Thu Apr 11, 2019 1:12 am Coming from someone who shares your viewpoint that there is no truth uglier than a lie, I would tell you to not lose faith in your approach, and never cede to your Khmer wife/girlfriend, unless of course the fund you honestly made a mistake. They have brains about the size of a BB, and an education and wisdom to match.

I have had many live-in girlfriends over my time here, and just as you mentioned, a dustup occurs. Many times, i remind them of my expectations, give her a warning, and we move on to live another day. But inevitably, the same shit happens again, and again. That's when I throw her out and don't look back.

I have often questioned whether I have the staying power to keep a relationship for a lifetime, as it gets lonely occasionally, especially at times like now when they're all going back to their families in the provinces and I'm stuck here alone.

But in the end, i believe that I'm better off alone than with someone who makes my life miserable, and who can't learn from past mistakes. I forget whose account on CEO it is that says "Cambodia, don't let her change you" but I find that very applicable here and wise. I know I've tried to teach them not only by my actions, but with my verbal reminders as well. Meanwhile, the only thing they teach me is how little they can remember (subject of a recent post). Despite numerous pleas of "I'm sorry!," I don't give a ton of chances. Actions mean a fuck of a lot more to me than words do. Life's too short.

In the end, we all have to make decisions about what's best for our lives. I'm sure you will make the best decisions for yourself as well. Good luck!

Thanks, there's a lot in here that inspires me to respond.

I too think that I am not good relationship material, mostly because I will not bend easily and am not to be made a fool. I am also pretty strong and sell sufficient; I do not need anyone to take care of me, and I can cook and clean and all the rest, and the stuff I don't want to do, I can hire it.

I learned in my first relationship; a marriage of 14 years that there comes point to draw a line in the sand, for the sake of your self respect, and that the only card to play then is to walk away. Had I demonstrated that earlier on, perhaps she may have learned and we might have had a different story. But I let her continue in her demoralizing bad behavior until one day I could not tolerate it any longer. The final analysis of that is I only wished I had given an ultimatum sooner.

In my present relationship I have always stressed that she is free to leave, and that ultimately, I am concerned with her happiness, and doing right by her. I have told her I would never beg her to stay, and that if she ever changes her mind, I would not manipulate her. This is also born out of the fact that I am 29 years older than her, and I feel I have some ability to manipulate the situation and her, should I choose, and so I tread carefully there, because I want to know (need to know) she is here with me because she sincerely wants to be and that she chooses me, every day. So far, she does come to me still, and that pleases me.

I have a few times been so pissed off as to give her a bit of a shove off and ignore her for a few days. I am always secretly pleased that she persists and comes back and tells me she misses me. It is nice to be re-affirmed especially for me, because my marriage was full of rejection.

On the issue of honesty, one of the things that really upset me in the story I told above is that the sister and her beau were in PP the same time as me. He reported to me that they saw me on Riverside with my arms around another lady, and she mentioned to him that was me. It occurred to me that may have been a case of mistaken identity, but also that he may have embellished the story a bit. I knew it was impossible, because I never touched another woman.

Well, my GF reminded me that I had told her a story of a freelancer that had followed me all along riverside and sat down beside me, and then later tried her luck again when I sat to rest later yet again. I had mentioned that story to her, and its ironic because in doing so, and using my honesty is the best policy rule, it was also the explanation for why they saw me sitting with another girl.

My only suggestion is that you make the decisions, not her. Kind of sounds like you're giving her the chance to go if she wants... but what about what you want?

They're a dime a dozen here. What's wrong with taking a chance on having a better relationship, especially after the current one has shown failures so often? Not saying your current relationship has shown frequent failures, but I think in general guys are too desperate and don't have the energy to find a new girlfriend, so they just keep the sure thing and dabble when their lady is gone. .

Tarndog wrote: ↑Thu Apr 11, 2019 1:48 am My only suggestion is that you make the decisions, not her. Kind of sounds like you're giving her the chance to go if she wants... but what about what you want?

They're a dime a dozen here. What's wrong with taking a chance on having a better relationship, especially after the current one has shown failures so often? Not saying your current relationship has shown frequent failures, but I think in general guys are too desperate and don't have the energy to find a new girlfriend, so they just keep the sure thing and dabble when their lady is gone. .

I am pretty committed. These are issues of the heart, and the heart is not connected to the brain. I don't see relationships as disposable, and I do not see our history and all the work we have done to get to this point as a loss or waste of time. I think overall its good, and I have no delusions that it is ever always easy.

Of course I can walk. And I have a contingency plan, all neatly wrapped up and deposited in the darkest reaches of my mental vault, should I need to access it.

Relationships are complex because people are complex... Sometimes we think we're doing the right thing but from a different perspective we may not be.

We never want to be lawyers and argue til we win bc it may not be healthy in the long run. I know i enjoy being correct but i also know i'm fallible.

Communicate and patience may be the key we're all looking for..... And booze