Girls being given away

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Kayve
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by Kayve » Thu Apr 04, 2019 10:53 am

Funny fact, the AF-7777 girl is an adopted kid (source fb). Explorer is on something this time.
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by Jerry Atrick » Thu Apr 04, 2019 11:06 am

I don't think it's exclusively girls- I know of boys given away also.

I can think of at least three examples in Khmer families I know reasonably well over the past years.

Often just plain economics, I can't take care of this kid, but gran/uncle/auntie/sister etc can, and it's a de-facto adoption.

Other half's younger sister asked if we'd take her and her husband's kid to live with us (raise) a year or two back. Fuck off, raise your own kid!
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by StroppyChops » Thu Apr 04, 2019 12:32 pm

GMJS-CEO wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 2:49 am
I know someone tried to buy my wife and her sister, would have been in the 90’s. They were under the care of teenage brother who didn’t sell them. Lucky she made it into a quality organization with her siblings not long after.
It's good to hear there are some quality organisations here. We tend to only hear about the bad ones.
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Freightdog
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by Freightdog » Thu Apr 04, 2019 12:39 pm

For those who say ‘in Cambodia’, or ‘its a Cambodian thing’, I wonder if you’ve looked further afield than this country’s borders to see if any of this is, if not common-place, at least accepted practice in other regions.

Cambodia is largely Buddhist
Bangladesh is largely Muslim
India seems a bit confused, but might be largely Hindu

But the scenarios being talked about in the OP can actually be seen in many parts of Asia, and have been part of the broader culture for a long while.

In Bangladesh, (I think I mentioned this once before), I was offered one of the daughters of an Imam, to buy. He had two young girls, around 3 and 5. This was not long after the Maddy McCann disappearance, and here was a ‘father’ offering to sell his daughter to some random stranger. It didn’t sit well.
The ex-girlfriend’s family- her cousin had a maid. The maid was actually a relative from a branch of the family in another city. Too many kids, girls are more of a burden; Ship one off to where she can be of use.
Sometimes a better-off family member might take on a child from a cousin or sibling. In many cases, there is a noble intent, and it works out very well. The kid gets integrated into the family as a whole, and brought up with exactly the same treatment as direct offspring, but without ever forgetting their own family. It all works out for the best for both families, and the kid involved.
Sadly, there are of many tales where the child is simply viewed as a labour source, and so abysmally treated. You might then think that the original family should intervene, but understanding the culture then comes into play- there may be an obligation on the kid, because the host family has paid money for the kid to be there. Or a hundred other reasons why it can’t be fixed. Why? Because the culture itself fosters the conditions under which it can occur. You can only really fix the culture if the members of it want to be involved, and then it’s a slow process.

There are some thoughts that we might each have on this and other things that go on that offend our individual sensibilities.
You can’t save them all, for one.
Remember the recent thread about a somewhat deluded woman going around trying save families from living on the streets, kids running around naked etc?

Now. I’m of the view that it would be impossible on the whole, maybe even wrong, to try to stop the farming out/slightly disguised unofficial adoptions; but intervention where outright abuse occurs- absolutely.
I did just that with one gentleman in dhaka, once. He was regularly part of social gatherings, or even the host of the gatherings. The maid in his employ was treated bloody awfully, but no one ever challenged him, as he was quite well respected, and some government flunky. I was encouraged not to get involved, but on the occasion when he was about to administer a kicking, I couldn’t hold back. It’s strange how suddenly there comes a lot of support- all that was needed was for the first person to make a stand.

Is this an Asian thing?
I wonder. I don’t really recall much of my Charles Dickens (it was enforced reading, and I’m a bit rebellious), but the ‘west’ hasn’t really had an unblemished history.
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by Kammekor » Thu Apr 04, 2019 12:55 pm

explorer wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:19 am
With the number of people on this forum who talk about girls having been bought, or given away, or offered for sale, do you think they all made it up?
What's that number, Explorer?

How many people do you know who know a girl who has been sold?

Again, it happens, but you just state it's 'common', which I don't believe. It used to be more common in 20 years ago, but times have changed Explorer, and you seem to be digging up stories from the past.

And your claim you talk to people and they tell you about it is simply ridiculous. If they talk about it, it's gossip. No (Cambodian) parent will ever admit he or she sold a kid.

It's common parents send their children to their parents (grandparents) or brother / sister to take care of their kid for many reasons, but there's no money given for that. In fact, usually the people taking care of the kid(s) receive money in order to take care. But that's not considered 'giving away a child'. It's considered a temporary arrangement and usually it is.
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by markd » Thu Apr 04, 2019 2:11 pm

sock troll thread
thru shit to more shit
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by pczz » Thu Apr 04, 2019 2:21 pm

Kammekor wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 12:55 pm
explorer wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:19 am
With the number of people on this forum who talk about girls having been bought, or given away, or offered for sale, do you think they all made it up?
What's that number, Explorer?

How many people do you know who know a girl who has been sold?

Again, it happens, but you just state it's 'common', which I don't believe. It used to be more common in 20 years ago, but times have changed Explorer, and you seem to be digging up stories from the past.

And your claim you talk to people and they tell you about it is simply ridiculous. If they talk about it, it's gossip. No (Cambodian) parent will ever admit he or she sold a kid.

It's common parents send their children to their parents (grandparents) or brother / sister to take care of their kid for many reasons, but there's no money given for that. In fact, usually the people taking care of the kid(s) receive money in order to take care. But that's not considered 'giving away a child'. It's considered a temporary arrangement and usually it is.
You are wrong. Money is given when a child is sent to live with granny or relatives. In some cases the giver is working and sends money to pay for the kids school, in others its a labour thing. what is common in villages is a child is sent to live with a relative and looks after the cows in return for board and lodging and possibly schooling. One of the calfs will sometimes be given to the child at the end of the term of contract. it may be chickens, goats or duscks but the princile is the same. In other cases girls are given to gangmasters who use them for begging or selling brcaelets to tourists and they pay the parents. I know 4 girls. 2 were sold, 2 have sold and i stopped a 5th from being sold with the help of CCF
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by explorer » Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:49 pm

People are confusing issues.

In Cambodia a lot of children live with their grandparents, while their parents go away to work somewhere else. They normally send money to the grandparents to help out financially. These children are not adopted or sold, they just live with their grandparents. This is completely unrelated to what I am talking about here.

Some children also live with aunts and uncles. Sometimes because the aunts and uncles live nearer the school, and this makes it easier to attend school. Some children live with aunts and uncles because the mother is very poor. Sometimes these children do work as servants for the aunts and uncles. Again, these children are not adopted or sold. This is completely unrelated to what I am talking about here.
explorer wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 7:22 pm
In Cambodia, people believe it is important to have children to look after them in their old age. Some couples are unable to have children. In this situation a brother or sisters family often has children for them. These children are adopted by their new parents, but there is no legal process and no paperwork. They are just given to them. The children are told the truth. The children will tell you who their adoptive parents are and who their birth parents are. Their cousins are often their brothers and sisters. Families are often close.

This also can happen when a lady gets a bit older and it seems she is unlikely to get married. She may be given a child or children in the same way.

This is not unlike adoption in Australia, except in Australia there is a legal process to go through.
These children become part of their adoptive parents family for life, and normally look after them in their old age.
explorer wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 7:22 pm
One girls parents separated, and her father got remarried before she was born. Her mother already had a new boyfriend. Soon after she was born, she was given to another lady, and her mother married her new boyfriend.

One lady got a new daughter from the hospital. The mother went to hospital to give birth. After giving birth, she just walked out of the hospital leaving the baby behind. The doctor gave the baby to this lady who already had sons but wanted a daughter. This type of thing is common when unmarried girls have babies in Cambodia.

This is not unlike adoption in Australia, except in Australia there is a legal process to go through.
These children normally become part of their adoptive parents family for life. In most cases their adoptive parents are no relation to their birth parents. In most cases these children dont know their birth parents.

Then there are girls who get sold. In most cases they are sold to people who are not relatives. The belong to the people who bought them, and cannot go back to see their family.

Some girls are sold as babies, and normally never know who their birth parents are.

Many girls are sold in their early teen years, when they are old enough to be able to work. These girls remember their family, but are not allowed to go back.

Sometimes girls are resold. That is, the person who bought them sells them to someone else.

There is another category which I have not mentioned yet. Some girls are sent to work as prostitutes. The mother or aunt receives a loan from the person in charge. The girl is obligated to work in the brothel until the loan is paid off. This is often done in such a way that the girl is condemned to work in the brothel for years. Some years later, the girl may go back to her family. But would you want to. Normally they have nowhere else to go. Not all prostitutes are in this situation, but some are.

Another thing which happens in Cambodia. The family gets money when a girl gets married. Poor families are often keen to have their daughters married while they are young, so they can get the money.
explorer wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2019 7:22 pm
One girls parents separated, and her father got remarried before she was born. Her mother already had a new boyfriend. Soon after she was born, she was given to another lady, and her mother married her new boyfriend.
This girl has had a difficult life. It would take too long to tell the whole story. Years later she was sold. When she was 15 she was married without being told what was happening. Again for the money.
## I thought I knew all the answers, but they changed all the questions. ##
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by Felgerkarb » Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:59 pm

Morticia and I get offered kids all the time by friends of our nieces who work in the factories. Many of the girls there will bring a baby to term and give it away to whomever for a little cash, especially if the family is known to be made up of good people. Local sangkat will generate birth certificate for you, done. Adoption made easy.

We politely declined the latest offers.
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Re: Girls being given away

Post by clutchcargo » Thu Apr 04, 2019 4:33 pm

Felgerkarb wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2019 3:59 pm
Morticia and I get offered kids all the time by friends of our nieces who work in the factories. Many of the girls there will bring a baby to term and give it away to whomever for a little cash, especially if the family is known to be made up of good people. Local sangkat will generate birth certificate for you, done. Adoption made easy.

We politely declined the latest offers.
Pretty mind blowing that..brings you back to earth compared to the west..
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