Apologies in advance but the posters name could spell dim cok just sayin

Abc123 wrote: ↑Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:51 pm And who is the highest in the family, the eldest patriarch or the eldest matriarch? In reality is this always the same? And is it the same for the tribes other than Khmer?

Good question. I got a sneaky feeling the answer will be complicated. AFAIK the father has complete rights over the children if he is on the birth certificate, but I guess overall control will be the oldest person in the family book regardless of sex, not necessarily the oldest person in the family. We had some problems with mum inlaw and were advised to get a separate family book, but this whole family book thing seems really complicated about who can have one and when. Our problem was daughter owns the house, but if mum was on the family book she could legally take decisions about the house in the absence of the daughter. Hopefully someone here knows how it works

Abc123 wrote: ↑Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:51 pm And who is the highest in the family, the eldest patriarch or the eldest matriarch? In reality is this always the same? And is it the same for the tribes other than Khmer?

In my experience, in reality the person who is the highest in the family is the one who is paying to support the family. If the parents are very poor and one of the kids has done well socially and financially, the successful kid is the one that the parents, brothers and sisters and extended family members look to for support - ie jobs, money, connections.

Therefore, your position in a Khmer family isn't a question of whether you are the older or younger brother, what matters is what you are bringing to the family.

(Just to be clear, my examples are taken from very poor rice-farmer families where one or some of the children have gone up the social ladder through education and are helping their families - including their parents - by finding them work, buying or building them decent housing. These "kids" have more clout with the family than their dependent parents.

And of course, this is personal experience and doesn't apply to everyone, or every Cambodian family, but it might give you a different perspective on family dynamics.)

Not sure if 'tribes' is an appropriate word to describe Khmers.

that genius wrote: ↑Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:27 pm Not sure if 'tribes' is an appropriate word to describe Khmers.

the politicaly correct term is probably "other ethnic groups"

I have often read of the tribals in the north east and south east. The Khmer are just another tribe that has, like the Kikuyu in Kenya, managed to subjugate or excell more than the others. I never knew tribe had PC problems. I think the Khmer often think if themselves as a tribe anyway?.

Abc123 wrote: ↑Mon Jan 15, 2018 12:27 am I have often read of the tribals in the north east and south east. The Khmer are just another tribe that has, like the Kikuyu in Kenya, managed to subjugate or excell more than the others. I never knew tribe had PC problems. I think the Khmer often think if themselves as a tribe anyway?.

A tribe is usually a smallish group of people often related. You would not call Americans a tribe, nor would you call Germans a tribe or Russians a tribe. If you check out Wikipedia ( not always the most accurate source but usually pretty close) you will find that Khmer culture came from outside Cambodia and is part of a broad sweep of peoples and cultures. Not even sure that there ever was a Khmer tribe, but I am sure one of the historians in the forum will be able to tell us.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khmer_peo ... heast_Asia
The Khmers are considered by archaeologists and ethnologists to be indigenous to the contiguous regions of Isan, southern Laos, Cambodia and South Vietnam. That is to say the Khmer have historically been a lowland people who lived close to one of the tributaries of the Mekong River. The reason they migrated into Southeast Asia is not well understood, but scholars believe that Austroasiatic speakers were pushed south by invading Tibeto-Burman speakers from the north as evident by Austroasiatic vocabulary in Chinese, because of agricultural purposes as evident by their migration routes along major rivers, or a combination of these and other factors.
Like the other early peoples of Southeast Asia such as the Pyu, Mon, Chams, Malays and Javanese, the Khmer were part of Greater India, adopting Indian religions, sciences, and customs and borrowing from their languages. The first powerful trading kingdom in Southeast Asia, the Kingdom of Funan, was established in southeastern Cambodia and the Mekong Delta in the first century, although extensive archaeological work in Angkor Borei District near the modern Vietnamese border has unearthed brickworks, canals, cemeteries and graves dating to the fifth century BCE.The Kingdom of Funan is considered to be the mother of all later Southeast Asian kingdoms. During the Funan period (1st century - sixth century CE) the Khmer also acquired Buddhism, the concept of the Shaiva imperial cult of the devaraja and the great temple as a symbolic world mountain. The rival Khmer Chenla Kingdom emerged in the fifth century and later conquered the Kingdom of Funan. Chenla was an upland state whose economy was reliant on agriculture whereas Funan was a lowland state with an economy dependent on maritime trade.

phuketrichard wrote: ↑Sat Jan 13, 2018 2:22 pm lol
and dont forget u will be required to replace the dying buffalo, brothers education and dads second wife

I got intriguing by the joke. How many wife the Cambodian have? I thought usually 1?

kiwiincambodia wrote: ↑Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:54 pm

kocdim wrote:Actually the purpose of this question is to get general filling of the attitude of the family and the wife. I understand that the help with in the family is required. But how demanding can be the family, is there huge pressure on the groom regarding problems in the family? Also whats the attitude of the wife? Does the wife puts her husband and her kids on the first place? Can she draw a line when she thinks that her duty to help is done? Because I really want to keep the family out of problems and pressures. But I dont mind helping and honoring the duty that my wife might have towards her family.

Every one is different but in my experience her family always came first, annoyed me enough to end the marriage (along with other reasons).

I never paid a cent for the “honor” of marrying her but I did support her mother, while she was alive, with a small monthly income.

Everyone I know has had different experiences and had different ways of dealing with this. The best is to talk to the Mrs and lay out what you will and will not find acceptable before getting married. If you can’t find a mutual agreement / arrangement seriously think if this is someone you want to spend the rest of you life with. The problems won’t go away and she may even resent you for not helping her family which will never mean a healthy marriage.

Is really not my business but what happen? If you supported the mother what was the issue? The siblings, cousins?

I know plenty of bar girls demanding 'milk money' from their future 'husband'. The girls are often asking for a mix of money, land and motorbikes .

I have heard of guys being dumb enough to pay thousands to Mama for 'milk money' and the daughter works as a prostitute. Milk money is for a virgin!!! A bar girl should not be given any 'milk money'.

Keep in mind getting out of any relationship with a Khmer girl can be expensive as well.

Letting any Khmer girl into your room on a long term basis can quickly become problematic if you decide to finish with them.

So lets review!! Expensive to get into a relationship if you decide to pay 'milk money'. Expensive to live with girl if clear limits on money demands are not set. Expensive to get out of a relationship if girl decides she wants 'police mediation' to decide exit payment.

Lots to be said for being single!!!!!