Oh, You Internet.

Arget · Post by **Arget** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 11:46 am

- GOOGLE

>
> Subject: Ordering pizza
>
>
> CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> No sir, it's Google Pizza.
>
> CALLER:I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
>
> CALLER:OK. I would like to order a pizza.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Do you want your usual, sir?
>
> CALLER:My usual? You know me?
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
>
> CALLER:Super! That’s what I’ll have.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
>
> CALLER:What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
>
> CALLER:How the hell do you know that?
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
>
> CALLER:Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Chemistwhorehouse, 4 months ago.
>
> CALLER:I bought more from another Pharmacy.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
>
> CALLER:I paid in cash.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
>
> CALLER:I have other sources of cash.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
>
> CALLER:WHAT THE HELL!
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
>
> CALLER:
>
> Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
>
> also, Sir, it is not advisable to be using your phone while you appear to be sitting on the toilet, as we can see you are doing on Google Earth, as you may drop the iPhone 56, that our records show that you only purchased three days ago, down the commode.
>
> Welcome to the future

Post by **Freightdog** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:54 pm

Big Daikon wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 5:48 am

It’s a funny old thing- sometimes, some comments and phrases do need care.
And then someone comes along, whose job it is to care more, and all of a sudden generations are isolated by a common language.

However, I’m reminded of an engineering colleague from the early ‘90s who made a couple of

slips in meetings.

A particularly difficult engineering project kept throwing up problems that had been completely unforeseen.
In a technical meeting, discussing one such problem, he said-

“The nigger in the woodpile…”

Not the best choice of phrase…

In another meeting, which was less technical, more union focused, the union rep was making his usual totally unachievable demands. The guy was none too bright, but very vocal, hence he was the union rep.
To his latest unreasonable demand, the same colleague went on to utter the phrase-
“Come on, play the white man!”

The problem was that the union rep was extremely militant, and a Pakistani immigrant, and played the race card on every issue. If you didn’t agree with him, it was because of race.

Big Daikon · Post by **Big Daikon** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:02 pm

Freightdog wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:54 pm
A particularly difficult engineering project kept throwing up problems that had been completely unforeseen.
In a technical meeting, discussing one such problem, he said-

“The nigger in the woodpile…”

Not the meaning I learned for that sentence. Usually a reference to African ancestry. Family tree/woodpile.

I like to use archaic expressions, particularly racial categories. Using the singular form with the definite particle helps a lot.

Post by **Freightdog** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:08 pm

Big Daikon wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:02 pm
Freightdog wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:54 pm
A particularly difficult engineering project kept throwing up problems that had been completely unforeseen.
In a technical meeting, discussing one such problem, he said-

“The nigger in the woodpile…”
Not the meaning I learned for that sentence. Usually a reference to African ancestry. Family tree/woodpile.

I like to use archaic expressions, particularly racial categories. Using the singular form with the definite particle helps a lot.

Yes, it’s usage was slightly looser and broader than its origins. In part, that is the problem. The origins were clearly prejudiced, but it’s usage not always so; certainly not in later years when origins have long been forgotten but the phrase has become part of colloquial speech.

Spigzy · Post by **Spigzy** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:38 pm

That's the problem with all languages though, there is always a chink in the armour somewhere that gets abused.

Big Daikon · Post by **Big Daikon** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:39 pm

Freightdog wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:08 pm
Big Daikon wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:02 pm
Freightdog wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:54 pm
A particularly difficult engineering project kept throwing up problems that had been completely unforeseen.
In a technical meeting, discussing one such problem, he said-

“The nigger in the woodpile…”
Not the meaning I learned for that sentence. Usually a reference to African ancestry. Family tree/woodpile.

I like to use archaic expressions, particularly racial categories. Using the singular form with the definite particle helps a lot.
Yes, it’s usage was slightly looser and broader than its origins. In part, that is the problem. The origins were clearly prejudiced, but it’s usage not always so; certainly not in later years when origins have long been forgotten but the phrase has become part of colloquial speech.

Yeah, I haven't heard that in a coon's age.

Big Daikon · Post by **Big Daikon** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:48 pm

Shifting gears:

Ghostwriter · Post by **Ghostwriter** » Thu Feb 02, 2023 4:40 pm

Brody wrote: ↑Thu Feb 02, 2023 3:32 am

I got one of these shops in my town...fancy a snack ?

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