A lawyer representing a wealthy art dealer called him and said “Saul, I have good and bad news for you”
The art dealer replied, “I’ve had a terrible day, give me the good news first.”
“Well”, he said, “ I met with your wife yesterday and she told me she had bought two pictures for $5000 and she thinks they might be worth $5 - 10 million !”
“Fantastic woman, my wife, and a very smart businesswoman too!” said the art dealer. “What’s the bad news?”
The lawyer replied, “the pictures are of you banging your secretary”

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Air traffic control

"An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.

A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone. He yelled, “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack.

I grabbed his mobile phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory.

I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!”

The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone.

“Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!”

He then began his series of questions:

Tower: “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me.”

Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re
traveling at 180 mph?”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me.”

Tower: “Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you’re flying upside down?”

Aircraft: “The shit in my pants is running up my back and out of my fucking shirt collar.”