Oh, You Internet.

Yeah, that place out 'there'. Anything not really Cambodia related should go here.
User avatar
newkidontheblock
Expatriate
Posts: 4412
Joined: Tue May 20, 2014 3:51 am
Reputation: 1543

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by newkidontheblock »

Image
User avatar
Arget
Expatriate
Posts: 3259
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2017 7:44 am
Reputation: 2416
Location: Phnom Penh
Contact:
Australia

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Arget »

Birds & Bees


The teacher was telling the kids at a Banora Point school about the birds and bees and explained that
when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and says to the teacher " Are you sure about
the stork miss, cause I think you’re getting your birds mixed up, my sister just had a baby and she said it was from a shag on the beach at Coolangatta.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic?”
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

"What's your name? " asked the executive.
John H. Smith was the reply.

The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department; Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high-net-worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."

The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience."

At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members.
"We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him."

Mr. Smith began his story.
"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business.

I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.

I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny.

After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place”.

"Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
User avatar
Brody
Expatriate
Posts: 7194
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:07 pm
Reputation: 8183
United States of America

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Brody »

ImageImageImageImageImageImage
User avatar
Kung-fu Hillbilly
Expatriate
Posts: 4152
Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 11:26 am
Reputation: 4963
Location: Behind you.
Australia

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Kung-fu Hillbilly »

.
0.17 for the impatient.

Chad Sexington
Expatriate
Posts: 1054
Joined: Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:43 pm
Reputation: 1343
Great Britain

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Chad Sexington »

Kung-fu Hillbilly wrote: Mon May 10, 2021 4:51 pm .
0.17 for the impatient.

All well and good in an exercise, but in actual combat? The pilot appears to be totally defenseless while airborne, not quite a sitting duck, more of a human clay pigeon.
User avatar
Brody
Expatriate
Posts: 7194
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:07 pm
Reputation: 8183
United States of America

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Brody »

ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
Arget
Expatriate
Posts: 3259
Joined: Sun Aug 20, 2017 7:44 am
Reputation: 2416
Location: Phnom Penh
Contact:
Australia

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Arget »

ImageImageImageImageImageImage
User avatar
yong
Expatriate
Posts: 4267
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:03 pm
Reputation: 2769
Thailand

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by yong »

Image
User avatar
Brody
Expatriate
Posts: 7194
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 12:07 pm
Reputation: 8183
United States of America

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Brody »

Image
User avatar
Clutch Cargo
Expatriate
Posts: 7738
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:09 pm
Reputation: 5999
Cambodia

Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Clutch Cargo »

ImageImageImageImage
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Clutch Cargo, DavidMurphy, Doc67, KevinTan, Zyzz and 202 guests