Oh, You Internet.

Yeah, that place out 'there'. Anything not really Cambodia related should go here.
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clutchcargo
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

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clutchcargo
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

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What is this wizardry?
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Arget
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Arget »

The NILE Virus (Type C).

I thought you would want to know about this virus.
Even the most advanced computer programs from Norton, McAfee, and others cannot take care of this one.
It appears to target those who were born prior to 1950.
The lockdown seems to be increasing the chances of being affected!

Virus Symptoms
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that)

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. (That too)

3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (Yup)

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha)

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that)

6. Causes you to hit SEND before you've finished. (Oh no, not again)

7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that)

8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Heck, now what?)

This virus is called the C-NILE virus!

A lot of us have already been inflicted with this deadly disease and unfortunately as we age it gets worse.

And if you can't admit to doing any of the above, you've obviously caught the other strain - the D-NILE virus!

Hands up if you qualify!!!!! I Meet all criteria
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

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Re: Oh, You Internet.

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Re: Oh, You Internet.

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Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by IraHayes »

Son: Daddy, can I have $5 for a guinea pig?
Father: Here's $10 son. Go find yourself a nice Irish girl.

edit to add this:

When I was maybe 11 or 12 I was given a book for my maybe birthday or christmas called "Truly tasteless Jokes."
The above joke was in it.

here's another, and remember this was an in-print book sold in an actual bricks and mortar shop aimed squarely at children between the ages of 11 - 16.

How many blacks does it take to tar a roof?
12... if you slice them thinly enough.


Before I hit send I did a quick google and seems this was from 1983... so i would have been 15.
Anyway here's some more excerpts from the book.

This book was the biggest-selling mass-market book of 1983 -
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.h ... wanted=all.
It was written by Ashton Applewhite, a fresh college graduate working with
St. Martin's Press http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanche_Knott.

Categories of tasteless jokes include DEAD BABY:
What does it take to make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.

What's red and squirms in the corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.

Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can watch its expression.

What's red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.

or HELEN KELLER:
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
Reading the waffle iron.

Why does HK masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.

and a large section on POLISH

(what does a polish girl do after she sucks
cock? Spits out the feathers)

and BLACK:

What do you call a black boy with a bicycle?
Thief!

What's the new Webster's definition of the word "confusion"?
Father's day in Harlem.
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by IraHayes »

ah fck it ... time to offend with excerpts from the aforementioned book:-

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."

Just got some bad news from the doctor on my last visit.
Doc: Hey, you've got to stop masturbating
Me: That's terrible Doc, Why??
Doc: Because you are in a doctors office.

"What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?"
"Toss in a load of laundry."

What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?
Taking off the diaper.

Why do Mexicans not have drivers ed and sex ed on the same day?
You have to give the donkey a break sometime.

A priest and a rabbi are walking past a playground. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go screw those kids." The rabbi replies, "Outta what?"

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

Whats the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic.
Going in to ask for a wire hanger.

A Texas horse rancher is on his honeymoon with his Southern bride. As they are checking into their suite, the desk clerk asks "Sir, would you like the bridal?"
The rancher replied "Naw! I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

A Priest and a Rabbi run out of a burning school, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "What about the kids?!" The Rabbi says "**** the kids!" and the Priest says "Do you think we'll have time?".

What did they call the Oompa Loompas at Auschwitz?
Concentrated orange Jews.

Why don't you see black people on cruise ships?
They're not falling for that again.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13

What's the difference between a little boy and bag of cocaine?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What did the black woman name her 5 sons?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she tell them apart?
She just called them by their last names.


Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream

How are children like cellphones?
If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for 10 years.
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by hanno »

God, I remember many of those jokes. That book probably wouldn't get published today.
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Re: Oh, You Internet.

Post by Brody »

IraHayes wrote: Tue Mar 09, 2021 8:54 am "Truly tasteless Jokes."
Wow, that brought me back........I remember that book.

"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?"

........"The taste."
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