Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

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Digg3r
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Re: Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

Post by Digg3r » Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:25 pm

Windows 8.1 is pretty Damn good I think. I rarely use Windows but still have it on a couple of machines around the house.
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StroppyChops
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Re: Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

Post by StroppyChops » Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:01 pm

Joker Poker wrote:
StroppyChops wrote:And there's Microsoft's problem with XP, for a company that sells OSes they made one that was too reliable for the consumer to want to change it...
I'd be more than happy to go back to XP. The most stable MS platform I've ever used, way better than Win 7 in my experience. Not tried Win 8. Just goes back to the time tried wisdom of don't fix it if it ain't broken.
64-bit XP was everything it needed to be.
Bodge: This ain't Kansas, and the neighbours ate Toto!
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Re: Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

Post by Milord » Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:55 am

If you've been looking forward to Windows 9, the OS that will fix what Windows 8 got wrong, you're in for a surprise: There will be no Windows 9. Instead, Microsoft announced it will proceed directly to Windows 10.


"The Windows 9 internal beta was a phenomenal success," said Microsoft PR rep Cheryl Tunt. "I mean, it blew Windows 8 out of the water, and as we all know, Windows 8 is nigh flawless. After discussion at the C level, Microsoft has decided it will not mess with success and will leave Windows 9 exactly as it is. As such, work is now getting under way on Windows 10, which should see a public release."

Details about Windows 9 are sketchy, but according to internal Microsoft communications obtained by InfoWorld, the OS was fast, intuitive, bug-free, and equally adept with both the Windows Desktop and Metro-style interfaces. "And who would've thought to put the Start button there?!? Genius!" marveled one engineer, though it's unclear where "there" is exactly.

Another engineer likened the OS to the Nintendo Entertainment System's Power Glove accessory, saying, "It's that good a melding of man and machine."

One email chain riffed extensively on how Windows 9 is like the sitcom "Seinfeld" in that it's "about nothing," but also because "there was that one episode where Kramer got the deli meat slicer, and he said he had cut slices of meat so thin, he couldn't even see them. Well, Windows 9 is so transparent, you won't even know it's there. Hell, I'm not even sure I used it!"

"Hey guys, if all this is true, then we can't release this [OS] to the public," one HR manager who had been CC'd on the emails declared. "We have to keep this internal and advertise it as a perk. You know: 'Come work for Microsoft, and you get to use Windows 9!'"

The decision to jump to Windows 10 was announced during an all-company meeting by Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who took the stage in front of a banner reading "Mission Accomplished."

"You guys who make Windows are the backbone of this company!" an exuberant Ballmer claimed. "You've really outdone yourselves here. This is exactly the kind of perfection so synonymous with the Microsoft brand that we can't see fit to have it exist anywhere but within Microsoft. It's simply too good to be released. Now, onward with Windows 10! By the way, this meeting counts as your lunch break."

There was at least one beta tester who wasn't quite so dazzled. "Yeah, I tried out Windows 9," he told InfoWorld on condition of anonymity. "I dunno ... it's pretty good, I guess. It's not at all what they're talking about, though -- the engineers might be delirious from lack of sleep. I'm pretty sure the real reason we aren't going to sell it is because it's actually OS X."








Please note: This is an April Fools' joke. Apr 1/2013

This story, "Microsoft skips 'too good' Windows 9, jumps to Windows 10," was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the latest developments in April Fools' Day at InfoWorld.com. For the latest developments in business technology news, follow InfoWorld.com on Twitter.

http://www.infoworld.com/article/261350 ... ws-10.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Milord
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Re: Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

Post by Milord » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:39 am

Joker Poker
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Re: Microsoft Windows 9. Huzzah!

Post by Joker Poker » Wed Oct 01, 2014 9:34 pm

As soon as I read Cheryl Tunt... I knew a girl called Theryl.
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