A large fine, calculated on a price per day of his overstay, which if he can’t pay will mean some prison time. This will be followed by languishing in the IDC whilst his embassy arranges a temporary passport (if he no longer has one) along with paying for his flight home at the expense of his countr...

I never go to bars either and mostly keep to myself. However I have come across people over the last x amount of years.

It’s not meant to be personal but as they are all too familiar to everyone and as we are all expats you might fall into a category. It’s not insulting, just an observation. I have already included myself as one of these dickheads. The true dickhead Is the guy that doesn’t realise he is a dickhead an...

Mr Muay Thai - this guy is covered in Thai toos that he got from monks and he spends most days hammering the heavy bag. He’s ripped so usually wears sleeveless t shirts (local beer brand) to display his muscles and his tats. He’s had 9 fights (5 wins, 4 losses) and he had his wai cru (spelling?) rou...

The Expatrapeneur - this guy has numerous business schemes up and running from grasshopper farming (they are an excellent source of protein don’t you know) to cattle feed to quad bike rentals for tourists. He also has his eye on a big score - property development usually or opening a guest house or ...

The vet - this guy is an ex soldier and you will learn about this within minutes of meeting him. He did a tour of nam in 1969 but will cut his tales short as he ‘doesn’t want to talk about it’ even though he is always talking about it. He signs his emails Sgt.Ernie McButtfuck USMC ‘67-‘74 and will s...

Expats who detest each other: The been there done that guy and the newbie vortex hate each other as the newbie vortex keeps popping up at been there done that guys ‘hidden gem’ restaurants and bars for old timers only with some prick who has only been in country for a couple of months, thus ruining ...

The ‘cant fucking hack it in the west, run off with their tail between their legs to the third world and shacked up with a peasant only with them for money, lost cause, general total failure and massive disappointment to all their loved ones back home’ - every single expat bar none who lives in se A...

The ‘you don’t want to meet the old me’ prat - this middle aged prick is a clean living fellow who barely drinks, works out, eats healthy, looks in good shape for his age and has a pretty local missus and a young family. Despite his wholesomeness, responsible attitude and friendly demeanour he will ...

The newbie vortex - this total bellend has been in country for 20 years minimum but all his white mates have been here less than a year. This is because he thrives off being the fountain of local knowledge (which he genuinely is) but once that local knowledge has been acquired people quickly work ou...