Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterlife
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- Expatriate
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Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterlife
So let this be a warning to you. (You know who you are.) Makes you crazy, makes you stutter, makes your dick drop off, and now it makes your hands pregnant .
LOL.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 75438.html
LOL.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world ... 75438.html
A Muslim televangelist has given a stark, Cronenbergian warning to the world's masturbators, claiming during a live TV interview that their hands will become pregnant in the afterlife.
Mucahid Cihad Han made the comment after a questioner confessed that he "kept masturbating even though he was married".
Han, who has over 12,500 followers on Twitter, urged him to "resist Satan’s temptations", adding: "Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights."
If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?"
He didn't specify whether this means that your hands would have babies, or lots of tiny little other hands.
Han was mocked on Turkish social media following the broadcast on May 25, after newspapers published his latest television 'fatwa.'
"Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?" one Twitter user asked.
"So you think that being pregnant is a God-given punishment?" another user added.
'Istimna,' the Arabic term for masturbation, is a controversial issue in Islam and there are questions over whether it is permissible given that it is not clearly referenced in The Quran.
In a similarly baffling claim, an Iranian cleric earlier this month said that earthquakes are caused by promiscuous women.
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
i wonder what happens to the hand they wipe with in the afterlife ?
- General Mackevili
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
Ha! This was passed around at work today.
"Life is too important to take seriously."
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
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- Jamie_Lambo
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
i must have masturbated in a previous life, ive always wondered why my hands were pregnant
Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
Ha, no mention of making you go blind. It must be a hoax. Everyone knows it makes you go blind.
- StroppyChops
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
Well that's just a shitty thing to say.wackyjacky wrote:i wonder what happens to the hand they wipe with in the afterlife ?
Bodge: This ain't Kansas, and the neighbours ate Toto!
- Cowshed Cowboy
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
Ssssssay whwhwhwhaaaat
Yes sir, I can boogie, I can boogie, boogie, boogie all night long.
Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
This is really ridiculous. i have no time to think about my afterlife.
បើសិនធ្វើចេះ ចេះឲ្យគេកោត បើសិនធ្វើឆោត ឆោតឲ្យគេអាណិត។
If you know a lot, know enough to make them respect you, if you are stupid, be stupid enough so they can pity you.
If you know a lot, know enough to make them respect you, if you are stupid, be stupid enough so they can pity you.
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Re: Masturbation will make your hands pregnant in the afterl
Do hands have miscarriages?
Business oppo: set up a hand-abortion clinic in the middle east. Getting fingered takes on a whole new meaning.
Business oppo: set up a hand-abortion clinic in the middle east. Getting fingered takes on a whole new meaning.
Jesus loves you...Mexico is great, right?
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