The lord of the rings

From FB:
Pattaya One News: 'Not a chance he'll remember his password'

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When the singer tells the drummer he's playing too fast.

The Israeli and the Hezbollah decided to settle their dispute with a duel between two representative animals, which would be a dog fight.
Both sides agreed to train their respective dogs for 5 years before the promised duel.
The dog that would win the fight, would give its people the right to rule the disputed areas.
The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

Hezbollah bought the meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers, bred them together, and then crossbred their offspring with the most dangerous Siberian wolves. They used steroids and trainers in pursuit of the perfect killing dog beast.
Finally, after 5 years they had a dog that needed steel prison bars to keep it in a cage.

The D day finally arrived for the dog fight.
The Israelis arrived with a 7 feet long skinny dog which just lay on its stomach and crawled with difficulty on its short legs.
The fight began, the Hezbollah's dog, ferocious and quick on its feet, barked loudly, pranced on its feet, and started attacking the lazy looking Israeli dog which could barely get up on its tiny feet.
As the Hezbollah dog approached the Israeli dog to within one feet, the Israeli dog in one Swift move swallowed the Hezbollah dog in one gulp.

Only it's tail could be seen sticking out of the Israeli Dog's mouth.

UN, International Observers, Arabs, Press, Media, Journalists, Referees, were stunned and shocked.
They turned towards the Israelis aghast, "What did you do?" they asked.
The Israelis replied, "We gave a team of our plastic surgeons 5 years to make a crocodile look like a dog."

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!”

Toad in the hole (pic 1 - ish, badly executed) and Mr. Brains Pork Faggots are tremendous ... I could not identify the remainder!