Happy birthday mixed feelings

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John Bingham
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Re: Happy birthday mixed feelings

Post by John Bingham »

AndyKK wrote: Sat Sep 04, 2021 12:52 pm I have seen and attended many a Khmer birthday party here, they do like the happy birthday song played very loud and join in the sing song. It was only the other day a family's youngster at the apartment block I live had all the neighboring kids round to join the celebrations, all with party hats too.
Some years back I ended up with a bar full of Khmer friends who had come to help me celebrate that of my own birthday, and too be honest I don't usually bother too much. It was a bit of a surprise, and my bar was full of very jolly people having a good time, including myself. The bar was open and free drinks, but most had bought along their own whisky (Johny Water) has one of my Khmer friend's calls it. My partner had cooked some food, and others had brought some with them, also the older friends had bought me gifts and a large birthday cake. With the candles lit upon the cake, happy birthday was sung in English by all (loudly), then I was helped to blow out the flames by two neighbour's, young ladies from the massage shop, standing on each side of me. Then they took a large dollop of cake in their hands and proceeded to wipe it in my face! I said "what the fock are you doing" what a lovely cake and they put it on my face, all went quite until I smiled, I did not know it was a tradition of a way of what they did.
Happy birthday you you
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siliconlife
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Re: Happy birthday mixed feelings

Post by siliconlife »

To me birthdays, moreso than being a part of "Western culture", are traditions that celebrate human life as enshrined in an individualistic environment. While they are historically linked to Western countries, they are more deeply linked to the ideological values that they place on society and human nature. Individualism cuts both ways, but at the end of the day, if Cambodia wishes to sway in that direction, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with it; rather it is more likely just to be a natural process of ideological transformation that occurs through exposure to mainstream global cultures.

This week, I celebrated my daughter's birthday in a very Western fashion, following traditions that were passed to me in my childhood that I felt compelled to repeat. I noticed that this was something my (Khmer) wife also wanted to do, and did proactively, without me having to tell her how or even make any suggestions. I understand that she has seen this in movies and what not, and is to some degree just trying to enjoy life. But my point is that it was more than that, it was something implicit in the very fabric of our relationship, in what we believe we are as a family, and in the way that we have raised our daughter to be the beautiful girl she is today. I think human beings are disposed to naturally celebrate individual life, and that it is a powerful oppositional force to collectivism that resists any kind of culture. Even in the most giant and oppressively authoritarian states in the world, individualism is a wild force that must be managed and suppressed, and it is something that denotes political power to decentralized institutions. It's very easy to say this is Western, this is Eastern, this is white, this is black. It's much more difficult to understand the reasons that cultures develop the way that they do.
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Re: Happy birthday mixed feelings

Post by Anchor Moy »

Birthdays - are they an individual or a collective celebration ?
In a collective society (like Cambodia), when other people gather to celebrate your birthday, then for sure, that marks you out as 'special' for one day. (Your "15 minutes of fame".) It's an acknowledgment that you exist, that you're part of a family and the wider family of friends and relations.

I started doing birthday celebrations with a birthday cake for my extended family and staff in Cambodia years ago. They loved it.
That's why I don't see birthday celebrations in Cambodia as an individual or western thing. It's just fun for the group. :banana:

(However, singing Happy Birthday ten times in a row is definitely a PITA. Hate the song, but what can you do ?)
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siliconlife
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Re: Happy birthday mixed feelings

Post by siliconlife »

Anchor Moy wrote: Sat Oct 16, 2021 7:23 pm Birthdays - are they an individual or a collective celebration ?
In a collective society (like Cambodia), when other people gather to celebrate your birthday, then for sure, that marks you out as 'special' for one day. (Your "15 minutes of fame".) It's an acknowledgment that you exist, that you're part of a family and the wider family of friends and relations.

I started doing birthday celebrations with a birthday cake for my extended family and staff in Cambodia years ago. They loved it.
That's why I don't see birthday celebrations in Cambodia as an individual or western thing. It's just fun for the group. :banana:

(However, singing Happy Birthday ten times in a row is definitely a PITA. Hate the song, but what can you do ?)
Good point, but what I feel people often don't consider alot about collectivism and individualism is that they are mutually inclusive. They must be together; we can never be truly isolated, or integrated. It's more about the tendencies of certain groups of families to funnel funds and more importantly about how children are treated within the family, and that's simple ideology for me. Birthdays value children... So I like them.

Then again perhaps I am conflating things. It surely is possible to value the birthdays of older people too, as a cultural norm? And we do of course..
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atst
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Re: Happy birthday mixed feelings

Post by atst »

siliconlife wrote: Sun Oct 17, 2021 1:42 am
Birthdays value children... So I like them.

[/quote]

Great point
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