Glynn Pogue
September 12, 2017

“Hat aye tom tom?” she’ll ask. Then why are you so fat?

Instead, explain that big butts are considered beautiful where you’re from, and stand up and jiggle yours for comedic effect. The women at the table will love this; don’t be surprised when they reach over and slap your ass.

In your village, your foreigner status will earn you almost as much clout as the men in the mostly patriarchal culture. So even though you’d rather snap snake beans out back with the women at big family dinners, when you are ushered to the front to drink beer with the men, just accept it.

When ladies in the market stick their hands deep into your ’fro at random, let them; they mean no harm. They will tell you it’s “saa’at,” beautiful, or “lowie,” cool.Your friends back home will wonder how you do it: “You ain’t some animal in a petting zoo, son.”

Step one is to let your guard down; step two is to let them in. Ask if you can touch their hair, too. In fact, when you go to the laundry stand to pick up your clothes and your laundry lady starts poking at your bantu knots, sit her down, and twist some right into her hair. Aye, cross-cultural exchange!

You know that she feels lonely because her husband lives in the capital and rarely comes home to visit her and her son. You know that bleaching gives her a sense of control, makes her feel valuable. You will be saddened, though, when months pass and you watch your sister’s skin turn white, thin, and translucent like rice paper.

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Is she a Shane McGowan fan

But her surname is Pogue...