When does no more mean no more?

Khmu Nation · Post by **Khmu Nation** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 7:01 am

My wife's nephew has stage 4 cancer. He is 4 years old. I have been shelling out for his medical treatment, which I don't have a problem with, but.....its getting expensive now and I am reaching the point of 'no more' - having already said this a few times in the last two months. Partly as I cant really afford it - well I can but it leaves me with nothing and my wife is expecting out child in April so that will cost a fortune and it also feels like throwing money at a fire as I believe there is a 10% chance of survival (for 5 years) from stage 4 cancer and the kid is riddled with it. The tumour's he has had cut out of him are massive as his parents let it go far too long before seeing a doc - they live out in the most remote place I have ever visited. He has had it. I feel for the kid - and his parents but when should the foot come down and I say OKAY ENOUGH. What's your policy on this?

Mishmash · Post by **Mishmash** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 7:14 am

I genuinely feel your pain sir.

Heart Wrenching.

Don't give up hope.

It's a genuine gofundme, if you pardon old mish.

Khmu Nation · Post by **Khmu Nation** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 7:25 am

I have considered gofundme and then sending the link to my mates back home but it goes against my personal ethics as I strongly believe in libertarian values and self responsibility. So I don't think I can go cap in hand. But I am considering it.

samrong01 · Post by **samrong01** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 7:39 am

This is very sad for a boy only 4 years old. I am in a similar situation but at my age my death is of no consequence. I have decided not to spend money on expensive treatment which can only marginally extend my life with sometimes bad side effects. Although it is very hard in the case of a 4 year old, at some point you have to accept death as inevitable. Better to spend money on treats for the child. I suspect the poor boy is in pain both from the treatments and the disease. Try to ease his pain. Bring him to places that give him pleasure. Play with him. Let him see other children - their happiness will boost his spirits. In the words of Marcus Aurelius - live every day as if it is his last, because one day it will be.

phuketrichard · Post by **phuketrichard** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 7:56 am

sad for the kid
BUT its not ur child.

Stop paying out, their Buddhists and its just the kids karma and I am sure they have accepted this, long before you seem to have

Sometimes bad tings happen to good people ( and kids) ....

Duncan · Post by **Duncan** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:17 am

I feel your pain, but is it not time for the doctors and medical profession to donate their time and services for free instead of charging for everything.

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:28 am

That sucks.

Guess you have to bite the bullet and be honest the bottom of the barrel is in sight and you have other obligations too. But I'm sure your wife will be able to get the message across in a much sweeter way than you can yourself.

For me, I have full insurance for my wife and kid. Costs me a fortune (insurance and healthcare together) but it saved my wife's life once - so worth it. Beyond that, when people in the (extended) family get ill, I limit donations to a few hundred USD if it's really bad. Might sound harsh, but the (extended) family is large and if I would take care of all of them I wouldn't be able to to take care of my own family in a way I consider proper.

jah steu · Post by **jah steu** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:19 am

This is a gut-wrenching issue that many expats face. I’ve had extremely sick extended family and also staff. When their chances of survival reach a very low point one has to make a decision, just as the OP and others have said.
I have seen many khmer families sell almost everything they have - gold, cars, land - to try to keep a very old parent or grandparent alive when it seems inevitable they they are going to die soon. Often they also borrow heavily to pay for treatment in Vietnam or Thailand. That family bond here is incredibly strong.
I agree with Kammekor that it’s much better if your wife explains this to her nephews family.
I also strongly agree with Samrong01 that any future donations from you be spent on making the nephew’s remaining time be as happy and pain-free as possible. Give him some experiences that will provide some much needed pleasure.

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Anchor Moy · Post by **Anchor Moy** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:40 am

@OP The treatment is probably impacting on the kid's quality of life, making him sick. It often does. Could your wife approach the subject with his parents from that angle perhaps ? That it would be better for him to have the best life possible for the time he has left.
I feel for you. That's a terrible situation.

newkidontheblock · Post by **newkidontheblock** » Tue Feb 25, 2020 11:01 am

Duncan wrote:I feel your pain, but is it not time for the doctors and medical profession to donate their time and services for free instead of charging for everything.

They do. They come to Cambodia on medial missions. Ran into them at the airport last time. On a daily basis back home lots donate their time and services. Quite a few go bankrupt as a result.

OP - I feel for you. This isn’t a western country - resources that Cambodia doesn’t have and diseases that western countries don’t have figure highly into the equation as well. Like a previous poster has said, try to make the kid’s time left happy ones.