The Khmer way of love.

newkidontheblock · Post by **newkidontheblock** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:24 am

The Khmer way of love.

Lying to your other half.
Or sugar coating the truth.

Missus keeps getting advice on how to have a good marriage. Don’t tell the other half anything that might be perceived as less than ideal. Related to anything. Spending, family issues, social issues, etc. Sugarcoat all, and avoid conflict.

The fear is the other half might perceive too many problems, and run away from it all.

Supposedly this is Khmer way of keeping love alive in a marriage.

Personally, I want to know everything, so any issues can be worked out, before it ever becomes a problem. The worst for me is pretending that the relationship is perfect when there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Anyone ever encounter this kind of advice?

Post by **Freightdog** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:53 am

I've encountered most of those sentiments in dealing with much of Asia regarding anything. A tendency to answer in the positive despite all indications to the contrary. I've come to expect it to be the same in most situations, and getting at the truth, or more importantly, understanding the problem requires some careful thought.

In days gone by, in both aviation and engineering, it would be common to be told what you want to hear, rather than be told what you need to hear. Even at the risk of utter failure. It's seemingly embedded in many asian cultures.

explorer · Post by **explorer** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:59 am

newkidontheblock wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:24 am The Khmer way of love.

Lying to your other half.
Or sugar coating the truth.

Missus keeps getting advice on how to have a good marriage. Don’t tell the other half anything that might be perceived as less than ideal. Related to anything. Spending, family issues, social issues, etc. Sugarcoat all, and avoid conflict.

The fear is the other half might perceive too many problems, and run away from it all.

Supposedly this is Khmer way of keeping love alive in a marriage.

Personally, I want to know everything, so any issues can be worked out, before it ever becomes a problem. The worst for me is pretending that the relationship is perfect when there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Anyone ever encounter this kind of advice?

That is the way it is for most Cambodians. There are a small proportion who are more straightforward.

If someone is like this, they are not likely to change much.

They don't understand how trust comes from being honest with each other.

It is beneficial if you don't get upset when they tell you about something bad. They learn, this person does not get upset, and are more likely to tell you the truth in the future.

You can also discuss this with your partner. Some people may learn from talking about it with them.

explorer · Post by **explorer** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 6:17 am

In Western society, you date a potential partner, and find out all about them. Like what kind of food they like, what kind of things they like doing in their free time, etc. etc. etc.

When a person likes a good Cambodian girl (not a bar girl), they are supposed to decide if they want to marry them without such discussions. Then everything is done the Khmer way. Any other way is not an option.

Of course, if you date a girl like that, you need to have such discussions. You need to talk about things which may become an issue in the future. For example, one of the things I would talk about is how I want her to work. It wont be a case of I give her money and she takes. But she also earns money, and we save together. I would talk about being honest with each other, and the importance of trust. I would talk about food. There are some things these girls eat, I would never eat. She needs to know that. There are a lot of other things you need to discuss before entering a relationship with a Cambodian girl.

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 7:01 am

NKOTB, You’re between a rock and a hard place now with your long distance marriage. Let’s face it, there’s not much you can do now being 7,000 miles away.
But, if you are with her, lead by example. Do as you want her to do and she might pick up some. Even though the culture passed on to us is deeply engraved inside, people can change their behavior if they want.

Kammekor · Post by **Kammekor** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 7:09 am

explorer wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 6:17 am In Western society, you date a potential partner, and find out all about them. Like what kind of food they like, what kind of things they like doing in their free time, etc. etc. etc.

When a person likes a good Cambodian girl (not a bar girl), they are supposed to decide if they want to marry them without such discussions. Then everything is done the Khmer way. Any other way is not an option.

Of course, if you date a girl like that, you need to have such discussions. You need to talk about things which may become an issue in the future. For example, one of the things I would talk about is how I want her to work. It wont be a case of I give her money and she takes. But she also earns money, and we save together. I would talk about being honest with each other, and the importance of trust. I would talk about food. There are some things these girls eat, I would never eat. She needs to know that. There are a lot of other things you need to discuss before entering a relationship with a Cambodian girl.

Yes, you need to talk, but that’s not even half what’s needed. Besides talking, listen, and just as important: observe. People who have lived their live sugercoating and telling small lies for years, hiding their real feelings behind silence, won’t change overnight and in a lot of cases bodylanguage will tell you more than what she says.

Kohker · Post by **Kohker** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:34 pm

I can imagine the type of shite nkotbs wife's friends are telling her.
The old line you leave you lose,spring's to mind.
The only way to fix it is a meet up,very hard to do at their moment.
Meet half way maybe,Taiwan, hong Kong,anywhere, clear the air.
Good luck.

aggro · Post by **aggro** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:49 pm

My wife doesn't take advice from village layabouts who spend their lives barefoot in pajamas swatting flies but are never short of life advice. That's why I married her.

atst · Post by **atst** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 5:31 pm

Get what you can from your husband and if / when he has nothing to give fuck him of and go get another.

AndyKK · Post by **AndyKK** » Mon Aug 03, 2020 5:56 pm

aggro wrote: ↑Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:49 pm My wife doesn't take advice from village layabouts who spend their lives barefoot in pajamas swatting flies but are never short of life advice. That's why I married her.

Tresure her well there are not many around of this type, friends can certainly have influential ways that we would call interference, if a girlfriend would listen to that of a friend over her partner or husband, the girl is not worth the troubles, she certainly only cares very little. But for many, and also myself in past years it had been more problematic, with the girls family.

The Khmer way of love.

The Khmer way of love.

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