Is this ethical?

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xandreu
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Is this ethical?

Post by xandreu »

I was recently chatting to someone who explained to me how he goes about deciding if the Khmer women he meets are keepers or not.

He says that he'll date a woman for a couple of months, get to know her, let her know that he's not exactly rich but is doing ok, and see where the relationship goes.

If it seems to be going ok, after a couple of months, he'll invent a story which puts him in a very negative financial situation. Usually something along the lines of a member of his family back home becoming very sick, and he has to start sending money back to help out. He'll make out that he can just about afford it, but he'll have to do things like find much cheaper alternative accommodation, stop eating / drinking out and basically cut right back on his (their) living expenses.

He keeps this up for a few weeks and gauges how his new girlfriend reacts to the new situation. He said many of them will find excuses to leave him, in which case, he's grateful that he's learned something about her now rather than further down the line.

If she sticks by him and is prepared to weather the storm so to speak, he knows she's a keeper. Once he's satisfied that she's not with him just for money, he'll simply say that the family member has recovered and all's back to normal.

I'm torn between thinking that this is genius and thinking that this is a pretty terrible thing to base a relationship on.
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phuketrichard
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by phuketrichard »

What a waste of time and energy...
How many times has he attempted this?
Is he still single?
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xandreu
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by xandreu »

phuketrichard wrote: Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:41 pm What a waste of time and energy...
How many times has he attempted this?
Is he still single?
I think he said he's currently single but has had a couple of long term relationships. I honestly barely know him. It was just a guy you get chatting to at a bar kinda thing.
Anthony's Weiner
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Anthony's Weiner »

The philosopher Immanuel Kant said that lying was always morally wrong. He argued that all persons are born with an "intrinsic worth" that he called human dignity. This dignity derives from the fact that humans are uniquely rational agents, capable of freely making their own decisions, setting their own goals, and guiding their conduct by reason. To be human, said Kant, is to have the rational power of free choice; to be ethical, he continued, is to respect that power in oneself and others.

Lies are morally wrong, then, for two reasons. First, lying corrupts the most important quality of my being human: my ability to make free, rational choices. Each lie I tell contradicts the part of me that gives me moral worth. Second, my lies rob others of their freedom to choose rationally. When my lie leads people to decide other than they would had they known the truth, I have harmed their human dignity and autonomy.

A second perspective, virtue ethics, also maintains that lying is morally wrong, though less strictly than Kant. Rather than judge right or wrong behavior on the basis of reason and what people should or should not do, virtue ethicists focus on the development of character or what people should be. Virtues are desirable qualities of persons that predispose them to act in a certain manner. Fairness, for example, is a virtue we may choose to strive toward in pursuit of fulfilling our human potential. In virtue ethics, to be virtuous is to be ethical.

According to a third perspective, utilitarian ethics, Kant and virtue ethicists ignore the only test necessary for judging the morality of a lie - balancing the benefits and harms of its consequences. Utilitarians base their reasoning on the claim that actions, including lying, are morally acceptable when the resulting consequences maximize benefit or minimize harm. A lie, therefore, is not always immoral; in fact, when lying is necessary to maximize benefit or minimize harm, it may be immoral not to lie.

I would guess most on the forum practice Utilitarian ethics. Machiavellian thinking "The ends justify the means" Chapter XVIII: In What Way Princes Should Keep Their Word. Machiavelli acknowledges that a prince who honors his word is generally praised by others. ... In dealing with people, a prince must break his promises when they put him at a disadvantage and when the reasons for which he made the promises no longer exist ...

Copy and pasted from 1/2 dozen sources
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Nicolas
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Nicolas »

Hahahaha “date a Cambodian woman for a couple of months”.
I started laughing from there to the end


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Kung-fu Hillbilly
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Kung-fu Hillbilly »

Anyone who begins their relationship with deceit and manipulation to ascertain the long term suitability of the prospective partner is pretty much just an asshole. One of the most disappointing aspects of Southeast Asia is the type of men it often attracts believing this type of behavior and other mistreatment of local women is acceptable. Sadly, half of you believing this is genius suggests you may also have the life skills and emotional maturity of a fifteen year old.
The idea that seeing the world is going from place to place to look at obvious things is an illusion natural to dull minds.
explorer
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by explorer »

It is ideal to be honest.

There are some foreigners who come to Asia who are not even honest with themselves. They spend money like they have an unlimited supply, until it runs out and they are broke.

The people who get a girlfriend and give her a regular income for doing nothing are also living in fantasy land. They can never know if the girl really loves them or just plays the game for the money. Almost always, the girl leaves when the money stops, and they realize it never was love.

A small proportion of people who go to Asia may be wealthy, and have a lot of money to throw around. Most of us are not, and if we live realistically, the girls should get the picture. Have the girl continue to live a normal life, including continuing to work. Then she wont need the boyfriend to give her a regular income while doing nothing, and he may get a much better idea of whether she really loves him.

Some people get a girlfriend based on sympathy. Feel sympathy for the poor, and help them where you can, but don't get a girlfriend based on sympathy. Get an intelligent hard working girl, who can earn an income, and she wont need the boyfriend to give her money.
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Phnom Poon
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Phnom Poon »

have you been married KFH?
all's fair in love and war, they say

but if people want to test that their partner is a poodle
rather than someone to admire
they're doing it wrong

the girls are probably leaving because they can see the manipulation, insecurity, controlling tendencies, etc.

.

monstra mihi bona!
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Kung-fu Hillbilly
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Kung-fu Hillbilly »

Phnom Poon wrote: Fri Nov 22, 2019 9:19 pm
all's fair in love and war, they say
Perhaps for those who lack the intellect to do anything other than throw stones and fuck.
The idea that seeing the world is going from place to place to look at obvious things is an illusion natural to dull minds.
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Phnom Poon
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Re: Is this ethical?

Post by Phnom Poon »

intellect does not preclude those things
martyrdom, perhaps

.

monstra mihi bona!
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