This guy put hair removal cream on his privates, but it all went wrong, and he left this review of Amazon afterwards...

This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml (Health and Beauty)

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...

Source http://m.tickld.com/x/the-best-amazon-r ... -hilarious

Thanks for the grins and chuckles.

Unfortunately, I can visualize this happening.

Hilarious

Excellent !

Great review.
Looks like he thought he was a tough guy ...

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types.

Yep,tough as nuts...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...

Precautions
Veet can be used on the arms, chest, legs, back, shoulders, and around your briefs, but not on the face, scalp, genital, or perianal areas.

Q&A
Q: Is this product good for thick/strong hair?
A: It would burn anything, think of it as crotch napalm..

Q: Can you use this to remove anus hair?
A: READ THE REVIEWS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD !!! >:-(
A: You can, but only if it's someone else's anus.

I have yet to disclose the events of my own personal holocaust to anybody but I fear if I don't pass on my unfortunate wisdom many other nieve and mislead tackle bearers will suffer. The excitement Beamed across my boat race like a school kid discovering a catapult in a teachers drawer, when I stumbled across a delightful potion in Boots, that's packaging informed me of its radical hair removal powers. As my nether regions consisted of the aroma of a baked nappy and the pubic aesthetic of Susan Boyle giving don king a headlock I believed this mystical broth was needed. Picture if you will me casually sitting on the edge of my bed, full length mirror in front of me, tube in hand ready to smother the butter liberally across my pork sword, garnish and towel holder. Something that will remain the biggest regret of my existence would be the fact that screaming up at me, like a distressed borrower the box in which resided the instructions lay untouched on the floor...I set about patting the enchanted cream on and around my giggle stick duck eggs as,well as coating my brown eye. For the first 1.6 seconds the experience was mildy pleasing. The faint sound of dissolving skin should of been my cue to stop this charade, as should have the mini Indian sending me smoke signals from my nest of pubis. This was not the case, as I gazed into my mirror face to face with the haunting image of my impersonation of scream being entered. It dawned upon me that "veet" was in fact pronounced "medieval devils fire juice", my sorry pouch glistening like Rudolphs snout was throbbing like it had been harpooned by davey jones himself. The pain if this torrid affair can only be compared to that of giving birth to twin bison. pouncing like a praying mantis I galloped into my bathroom flapping at the cold tap like a demented sea lion, balloon knot leaking syrupy lava and marble bag sagging like an empty breast. I frantically jiggled around my tub like a cat thrown in a pond. As the water turned into a creamy pubic stew the pain barrier having been laughed at 50 shades of agony ago, I mustered up the courage to view my sizzling manhood and exit the water. Hobbling like a 3 legged giraffe I managed to reach my bedroom without cardiac arrest from the unbearable sensation my genitals were currently experiencing. Opening my eyes in the mirror, to the sight of Picasso's artistic impression of a marble bag having gone 12 rounds with mike Tyson. My prolapsed button pulsating and my main vain quivering like a new born mole with Parkinson's. having almost come to terms with my near successful attempt at manual castration the room filled with the stench of burnt ballbag and bloodied faecical matter I knew my only hope was to try and sleep this tainted experience off. gobbling down a proverbial smorgasbord of prescription narcotics I dozed off. Weather or not it was shock, the painkillers or flashbacks from my veet pantomime I was embarking on a dream that saw david Beckham being awarded a barrage of free kicks using my swollen luminous egg bag as a ball, only to awake and find this sensation was infact a reality. 7 weeks and 1 dermatologist consultancy later I am proud to be the bearer of a full array of wiry, very deserved man pubes that will never under go an experience quite like there predecessors. I will award veet for men 5 stars as not only does it remove hair,dignity and a part of your soul. for your money you are given a life long mental film reel of your most tender of moments. BE WARNED

The perfect Christmas presence for Mr. Stroppy

*their predecessors

flying chicken wrote:The perfect Christmas presence for Mr. Stroppy

Like all real men, I manscape manually.

Funny stuff indeed.

Hey I checked it on Amazon and its says "hair removal cream, up to 50% off" Now I'm not being funny but wouldn’t you expect it to get it all your hair off?