1. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

About a buccaneer.

2. What's the best part of having a party in a haunted house?

The ghosts bring their own boos.

Just watched two fish having a boxing match............. what a load of codswallop!

Why do you duck when you walk through a low doorway ?





So you don't quack your head.

rozzieoz wrote: ↑Wed Dec 28, 2022 11:44 am These are not “dad jokes.”

Here's one up your street ...

If you're in need of a job, try sending applications to Search & Rescue agencies.
They're always looking for people!

I'LL TEACH YOU PINCH MRS ROSENBERRISONSEN'S APPLES!

Rather have a bottle in front of me, then a frontal lobotomy.

A golfer's taking a long time to tee off the 18th, so eventually his mate asks him why the delay.
"My wife is watching from the window at the 19th hole, so I want to make this shot a good one."
"You're dreaming, mate. You'll never hit her from here"

I guess my last round of jokes were not appropriate for children. Got my nieces and nephews to send me some that they remember as kids.

These are for you @rozzieoz. My apologies!

********

What do you call a cow that has everything?

Spoiled milk.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean meat.

What do you call a sleeping male cow?

Bulldozer.

What kindof magic do cows believe in?

Moodoo.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What gives milk and has a horn?

Milk truck.

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Take away his credit cards.

What has two hands but can't clap?

A clock.

Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank?

What did one wall say to another wall?

I'll meet you at the corner?

What did the police officer do when he caught two kids playing with fireworks and a car battery?

He charged one and let the other off.

Can a kangaroo jump higher then a house?

Of course, a house can't jump.

Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhoea is inherited.

Runs in the family.

Spigzy wrote: ↑Fri Jan 20, 2023 4:12 pm Yesterday my doctor told me my chronic diarrhoea is inherited.

Runs in the family.

Yeah, apparently, 9 out of 10 people suffer from chronic diarrhoea.
Does that mean, 1 out of 10 people enjoys it?