Let me start off by saying that I'm not some ultra soft liberal when it comes to child-rearing. My parents never raised a hand on me as a child, but I do think sometimes a slap can be deserved. I've obviously witnessed locals give big slaps on the face or butt of a child, as well as strong pinching. It never really phased me. It's none of my business and though I might not approve of it, humans have brought up children for thousands of years with that kind of discipline, so it can't be all bad.

However, today I witnessed a woman beating up her daughter pretty badly. This woman lives nearby and she's kind of weird. Very sterned-faced. I used to think she might be semi-homeless or an ex UNTAC-era hooker. Unmarried as far as I know, but we've never talked before, whereas all the other local women talk to me regularly. She has two daughters. One probably around 4, the other a year or so. The four-year-old is really cute and I often smile or wave at her when I pass by. Anyways, this morning the woman in question started hitting her child right on the street corner where she usually hangs out. Screams made me turn my head, and I then noticed she was hitting the kid really hard with a piece of wood... Arms, legs... She then moved on to the head... Poor kid was screaming bloody murder and clutching her arms and later wrapping them over her head like a boxer stuck in a corner. Hands, bottom of the feet, arms, back, legs... Even the unprotected head. She didn't spare her. I didn't see the kid do anything deserving any type of discipline... she was just walking around nearby, dancing. Being a kid...

Even the 5 locals who were around me (both male and female) started staring... They were saying "Wow... She's really beating her... Not just "play" beating. Wow, even the head?!" They also clearly disapproved. I stood up after she hit the head with the intention of approaching her, but ended up just looking at the spectacle. The piece of wood was around 40cm long or so, with a slight "club" end. The kid begged while doing a "somphea" between blows and squirming in pain in the lounge chair.

After the mom stopped. The kid sat on top of a metal storage unit for at least 30 minutes (till I had to leave) doing a "somphea". Sobbing at first and eventually just sitting there with her hands pressed to together silently. Her younger sister just watched on.

I figured I shouldn't intervene as it might lead to more blows from the mom in the "safety" of her home, where no prying eyes could see. But shortly afterwards, I thought I should have grabbed the stick from her and hit her a few times to get a taste of her own medicine. Now, after calming down a bit, I figure I could have just come up to her and told her "enough", or better yet, grab the stick from her without saying a word, and tossed it up on the nearby rooftop. That would have sent a clear message. But I also know better than to meddle into the domestic affairs of others, especially locals.

I've never seen this woman beat her kid before, so it's not like I know if it's a regular occurrence or not, but given the look on child and seeing her go through the "pleading motions", I'd guess it's happened more than once. It's not like I expect her to have read child psychology and child-rearing books, but I think it doesn't take a genius to know that beating kids severely rarely leads to anything good.

Did I do the right thing by not intervening? What would you have done and where does one draw a line?

This was typed on my phone so pardon any mistakes.

Its hard to say. It's our human instinct to help when seeing a child getting hurt. I intervened twice during my time here and I knew I was putting myself at risk. Both cases the beaters were male beating up their child while drunk. I dont know if it's just me, but I couldnt bear the thought of the kids might live a life long pain of psychological and physical scar when I could at least do something about it.

As I wrote on the other forum:

Really tough situation. Very difficult to know the right thing to do for exactly the reasons you stated. I don't know what I would have done, but if I intervened it probably would have been more impulsive than calculated, and then later I would have wondered how much of a private thrashing the kid was taking for my face-damaging intervention. Once saw a Khmer lok thom smack a Khmer girl in a bar, and I immediately jumped to intervene, but so did every other barang in the bar, making it an easier choice. Another time I saw something similar, a cyclo driver beating his wife in the street, a crowd of Khmers, men and women, standing around watching, tutting disapproval but not intervening. I was the only barang there. If they had been barang I would have stepped between, but they were Khmer, just like the passive onlookers, not that that should have made a difference...I guess. But it made me stop and think. Like you I agonized over what to do, and in the end did nothing, then agonized over that. I don't know the answer.

nark her out to the monks maybe?

We have a couple of Khmer kids in our lives that are abused by their father - the mother tearfully tells us about the drunken abuse but does not seem to be asking us to do anything about it. The sad truth is that if this was in Australia, I would know exactly what to do - but the same support mechanisms don't exist here, so what does one do that does not make the situation worse for the kids? I was having this conversation with another forum member just a couple of days ago, and we're both the sort that will come out swinging and possibly do damage. Not the wisest move, but kids are worth it, in my view. A hard situation, BKL, a shame you're having to deal with it.

StroppyChops wrote:...The sad truth is that if this was in Australia, I would know exactly what to do - but the same support mechanisms don't exist here, so what does one do that does not make the situation worse for the kids?...

That really is a major factor, isn't? Perhaps the major factor. There is no reliable support mechanism, no reliable backup or authority to turn to. It would be clear in the west. Jump to the kid's defense, call the authorities, have him removed from the situation, supported and taken care of as necessary by competent authorities. But here...

LTO wrote:That really is a major factor, isn't?

Yep.

Bitte_Kein_Lexus wrote:Did I do the right thing by not intervening? What would you have done and where does one draw a line?

I realize the situation is not remotely the same when kids are involved, but...the one time in the US I was in a somewhat similar situation (but a man beating a woman, no kids involved) and I did intervene I quickly regretted it...nearly losing an eye when the woman turned on me too as I was fighting off the man. Since then I have witnessed a couple of horrible incidents of Thai men abusing Thai girls (not always one on one either) and I did not intervene. Honestly, I regret my inaction in those cases about as much as I regret anything in my life. I doubt a day has gone by since when I have not thought about those incidents... and they were maybe 12 years ago. Would I have possibly done more harm than good in taking rash action alone? I don't know. But in my darker moments I would give all I have to go back in time and confront those perpetrators, and damn the consequences.

SD, this only applies in countries with support mechanisms, but I have strong view on abuse between adults - "The first time it happens, you're a victim. Every time after that, you're a willing participant." I've seen/heard the first situation you describe too many times.