I hope this is the right forum, feel free to move it if it belongs in culture or wherever.

I will try to be brief, but I have been dating a Cambodian girl for about a month now. As is my understanding of most Asian cultures in general, men are the providers and thus pay for things involved in dating. I do not give her money for anything, but when we go out I pay for her food and drinks (she is tiny so this is very little like $10 usually). The other night I took her out and we went to a bar and got drinks, which I paid for. Then we met her friend and had a light meal and some drinks. The total cost was $25, but I only had $20 on me and told her that I did not have the money to cover the rest of the bill. She seemed fine about this at the time, but letter messaged me that this was a bad thing to do in Cambodia as men are supposed to pay not only for their girlfriends, but also their friend in this situation. Apparently, she was embarrassed and her friend did not view this action as positive.

So my question is, am I in the wrong here and should I be expected to pay for not only her, but her friend also in this situation? To me $5 is a silly amount to get angry over, but to her it was a big deal. Is this normal in Cambodia (she said all Cambodian men would pay for everything) or is she playing on the fact that I am foreign and have money?

Any advice would be appreciated.

it is normal, coz in this case u r the provider (sucker etc ), but when khmers friends go out they go dutch like everybody else

$5 may seem like a small amounr but for many here its a days wages..

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Yes, the host is expected to pay.

If there's no clear host, it's usually a fight for who can pay for everyone and it's polite to at least attempt.

Food here is about being together and sharing what you have, not the bill, and most things like this are reciprocal - you come to my wedding/birthday and give me $50 in the envelope, I'm obliged to go to your wedding/birthday/whatever and give you $50.

phuketrichard wrote: ↑Thu Jul 26, 2018 12:48 pm its all about face, which you made her lose and her bf not having $25 on him..

Ya I understand, my question was more just aimed at whether I am expected to pay for her friend as well. I see it as a learning experience, but I never was under the impression that in a provider role that meant everyone not just her.

epidemiks wrote: ↑Thu Jul 26, 2018 12:50 pm Yes, the host is expected to pay.

If there's no clear host, it's usually a fight for who can pay for everyone and it's polite to at least attempt.

Food here is about being together and sharing what you have, not the bill, and most things like this are reciprocal - you come to my wedding/birthday and give me $50 in the envelope, I'm obliged to go to your wedding/birthday/whatever and give you $50.

We just decided to go meet her friend and there was not really any clear host expectations. I paid for most of it (usually I have more cash on me all the time), I just couldn't cover the entirety of the bill in this particular instance.

I gotta say my experience has always been the complete opposite. I've had Khmer girls specifically make a point of splitting/them paying because they don't want me to think that they're "that type of girl". There's been a few times when I've been out with a small group (say a girlfriend and her friends) and I've had to make a point of saying "no I'll pay for this" if we've done a few things during the day as a group (eat, go to a movie, tuk tuks etc). Different people different attitudes I guess

Raider wrote: ↑Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:08 pm

epidemiks wrote: ↑Thu Jul 26, 2018 12:50 pm Yes, the host is expected to pay.

If there's no clear host, it's usually a fight for who can pay for everyone and it's polite to at least attempt.

Food here is about being together and sharing what you have, not the bill, and most things like this are reciprocal - you come to my wedding/birthday and give me $50 in the envelope, I'm obliged to go to your wedding/birthday/whatever and give you $50.

We just decided to go meet her friend and there was not really any clear host expectations. I paid for most of it (usually I have more cash on me all the time), I just couldn't cover the entirety of the bill in this particular instance.

Then your girlfriend just expected you would be the one grabbing the bill. As phuketrichard said, it was a loss of face for her that you couldn't pay.