The sucky part about being an expat
The sucky part about being an expat
You miss really important stuff like people dying.
No matter how much you prepare for it, no matter how many "systems" you have in place to make sure you're there at those final moments, sometimes you just don't make it.
Mom was very ill for years so it wasn't unexpected. We had Christmas together with both her siblings and all our cousins. It was a stunning time and she assured me she wouldn't go soon, so there was no need to rush back.
I was going to book a ticket for February but she was adamant there was no rush so we decided I'd go in April, after my partner's birthday.
We bought the ticket.
She passed away six weeks ago in her bed. Dad went to wake her for breakfast and realised she had gone. They held the funeral the next week. I wrote something for my sister to read, and a cousin videoed all the speeches for me.
I arrived in Durban over Easter and
went with my dad and sister today to spread her ashes in the Drakensberg mountains.
I love my life in Cambodia and we have absolutely no plans to leave - it's home for us and we love it. It suits us and we are extremely happy.
But it's shit knowing your family needs you and you can't be there.
RIP Mommy.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
No matter how much you prepare for it, no matter how many "systems" you have in place to make sure you're there at those final moments, sometimes you just don't make it.
Mom was very ill for years so it wasn't unexpected. We had Christmas together with both her siblings and all our cousins. It was a stunning time and she assured me she wouldn't go soon, so there was no need to rush back.
I was going to book a ticket for February but she was adamant there was no rush so we decided I'd go in April, after my partner's birthday.
We bought the ticket.
She passed away six weeks ago in her bed. Dad went to wake her for breakfast and realised she had gone. They held the funeral the next week. I wrote something for my sister to read, and a cousin videoed all the speeches for me.
I arrived in Durban over Easter and
went with my dad and sister today to spread her ashes in the Drakensberg mountains.
I love my life in Cambodia and we have absolutely no plans to leave - it's home for us and we love it. It suits us and we are extremely happy.
But it's shit knowing your family needs you and you can't be there.
RIP Mommy.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
I can certainly sympathize, I lost both of my parents while living in Cambodia. I don't regret missing the funeral, but not being there at the last moments feels like a failed duty.
As my old Cajun bait seller used to say, "I opes you luck.
- vladimir
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
Rozzieoz, sincere condolences for your loss. However, I think people tend to over-emphasise or over-equate physical proximity with emotional proximity.
I'm sure your mum was very close to you in her last moments; we are just not programmed to think like that, however.
Hope this helps.
I'm sure your mum was very close to you in her last moments; we are just not programmed to think like that, however.
Hope this helps.
Jesus loves you...Mexico is great, right?
- phuketrichard
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
sad for ur loss, my mom passed in 1996 and it seems like yesterday.
BUT how many live within 2 hours of their parents yet seldom see them?
MY mom was diagnosed with cancer in dec, she did not want to to treatments or such
Sister called end of jan said she was going fast, i was on the NEXT flight I could get and was home in 28 hours and was there holding her hand when she closed her eyes for the last time 2 days later
Its hard but its the way to choose to live our lives
BUT how many live within 2 hours of their parents yet seldom see them?
Dont agree with this, we all that Choose to live away from our home countries, do so knowing we wont be there all the time, we accept it, our family accepts itBut it's shit knowing your family needs you and you can't be there.
MY mom was diagnosed with cancer in dec, she did not want to to treatments or such
Sister called end of jan said she was going fast, i was on the NEXT flight I could get and was home in 28 hours and was there holding her hand when she closed her eyes for the last time 2 days later
Its hard but its the way to choose to live our lives
In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. HST
- Seasquatch
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
My condolences.
As I gear up to take off I have these things in the back of my mind.
As I gear up to take off I have these things in the back of my mind.
------
aka Yankee Gringo Gaijin aka Seppy Yank
aka Yankee Gringo Gaijin aka Seppy Yank
- timmydownawell
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
Sorry for your loss Roz.
My dad in NZ is 91 and I know it's unlikely I will see him again (although he is a tough old bugger so you never know). Maybe my finances will improve and I will get to make a trip over before the inevitable. He is always delighted to hear from me when I call, and I've been sending him photos (postcards using the Touchnote app as they have no internet). But I have no regrets moving here, but it'll be hard being so far away when the time comes.
My dad in NZ is 91 and I know it's unlikely I will see him again (although he is a tough old bugger so you never know). Maybe my finances will improve and I will get to make a trip over before the inevitable. He is always delighted to hear from me when I call, and I've been sending him photos (postcards using the Touchnote app as they have no internet). But I have no regrets moving here, but it'll be hard being so far away when the time comes.
You must walk in traffic to cross the road - Cambodian proverb
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
I thank Roz especially for this post while regretting the cause for it. Almost all of us come here to.lose some of that "back home pain" naivety unaware that a new batch awaits us here.
"I think people tend to over- emphasise or over-equate physical proximity with emotional proximity."
That well could be Vladimir, but I prefer touch to touching thoughts.
Anyway I especially like the way that this post was open for all to feel free to open up and let a bit of that pain out.
"I think people tend to over- emphasise or over-equate physical proximity with emotional proximity."
That well could be Vladimir, but I prefer touch to touching thoughts.
Anyway I especially like the way that this post was open for all to feel free to open up and let a bit of that pain out.
As my old Cajun bait seller used to say, "I opes you luck.
Re: The sucky part about being an expat
It does actually, thank you.vladimir wrote:Rozzieoz, sincere condolences for your loss. However, I think people tend to over-emphasise or over-equate physical proximity with emotional proximity.
I'm sure your mum was very close to you in her last moments; we are just not programmed to think like that, however.
Hope this helps.
She spent her life trying to protect me from her illness and I think she knew she was going to go, and didn't want me to see it. She asked me to come back and spread her ashes.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
Re: The sucky part about being an expat
You're right, and I certainly wouldn't change that choice for anything.phuketrichard wrote:sad for ur loss, my mom passed in 1996 and it seems like yesterday.
BUT how many live within 2 hours of their parents yet seldom see them?Dont agree with this, we all that Choose to live away from our home countries, do so knowing we wont be there all the time, we accept it, our family accepts itBut it's shit knowing your family needs you and you can't be there.
MY mom was diagnosed with cancer in dec, she did not want to to treatments or such
Sister called end of jan said she was going fast, i was on the NEXT flight I could get and was home in 28 hours and was there holding her hand when she closed her eyes for the last time 2 days later
Its hard but its the way to choose to live our lives
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Once you've read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix.
- Jamie_Lambo
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Re: The sucky part about being an expat
spent a lot of time with you recently Roz and i know you are gutted, but i hope you feel better now youve set her free and scattered her ashes
not sure how long youre planning on staying in SA i may still be here when youre back
not sure how long youre planning on staying in SA i may still be here when youre back
Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks
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