techies versus brickys

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tightenupvolume1
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techies versus brickys

Post by tightenupvolume1 »

problems re computers
I got so pissed of with the Apple support phone line explaining to me in great detail and tech talk with an answer to what was a simple question by me (how do i retrieve my files?) that i was delighted when an Apple employee asked me how to replace two bricks that had come loose on his garden wall.
Mm I replied stroking my chin, frowning. First you need to know the composition of cement.

Tmricalciu Ca 3
Silicate (alite) SiO 5
Dicalcium Ca2
Silicate SiO 4
(belite)
aluminate A12
Aetracalcium ALnF

I won,t give you the amounts, methods or advanced chemical compositions (Portland cement is the Microsoft of the brick world) you don't need that info now, but it would be a good idea to look it up for future reference

Ok now we need to know what bricks you have on your wall and what bricks you want. There are Flettons, Warlinghams, Suffolk reds, London reds, Engineering bricks, Old stocks, London stocks or Hand made softs. Do you want Buff colour, Reds, Mixed, Whites? or over baked? Do you want them with a sharp or rough arris? And what sort of frogs do your existing bricks have?

Pointing, do you want Weather struck, Recessed, Tuck pointing, Bucket handle, Flush pointing or Hose pipe pointing? (you might want to get foundry sand, the low salt content makes it easier to match your existing pointing but you may need to add additional dyes)

Your cavity? Is it 10-mil or 20-mil? Are you using *concrete blocks, thermalite blocks, frogged blocks or brick for the cavity? do you want to use butterfly wall ties, plastic wall ties, or the galvanised type recommended (check your local building regulations)

Now what bond are you using? you can have English bond, Flemish bond, Half bond, Garden wall bond, Dutch bond, Flying dutch bond or Quarter bond. (there are a few others but you don't need that information now, but be aware that the bond you use will need to match up with your cavity blocks (see above)* The last thing you need is a load of straight joints, also a pig in the wall could be a problem so watch out for that.

Foundations/footings what kind do you have? Stepped, floating, or a slab? Is it reinforced with steel, pile driven? Once you have all this worked out get back to me.
Thank you that will be £50.

Charlie
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by Username Taken »

Feel free to hand over your Apple. We can install Windows 95 on it for you. :)
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tightenupvolume1
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by tightenupvolume1 »

Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Costello: Yes. I'm setting up an office at home and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

Abbott: Mac?

Costello: No, my name's Lou.

Abbott: Your computer?

Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

Abbott: Mac?

Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.

Abbott: OK then, what about Windows?

Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in there?

Abbott: No. But do you want a computer with Windows?

Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

Abbott: Wallpaper at first.

Costello: Never mind the windows! I need a computer and some software.

Abbott: Software for Windows?

Abbott and Costello Computer Skit Costello: No! On the computer! I need something I can use to run my business, write proposals and track expenses. What do you have?

Abbott: Office.

Costello: Yeah, for my office. I told you that. Can you recommend anything?

Abbott: I just did.

Costello: You just did what?

Abbott: Recommended something.

Costello: You recommended something?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: For my office?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: OK. What did you recommend for my office?

Abbott: Office.

Costello: Yes, for my office!

Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.

Costello: My office already has windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to write a proposal. What would I need?

Abbott: Word.

Costello: What word?

Abbott: Word in Office.

Costello: The only word in office is office.

Abbott: You need the Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: Which word in office for windows?

Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."

Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't give me some straight answers. What about bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can use to track my money?

Abbott: Sure, Money.

Costello: That's right. What do you have?

Abbott: Money.

Costello: I need money to track my money?

Abbott: Yes, and It comes bundled with your computer.

Costello: What comes bundled with my computer?

Abbott: Money.

Costello: Money comes with my computer?

Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.

Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much do I get?

Abbott: One copy.

Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

Abbott: We got a license from Microsoft to copy Money.

Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?

Abbott: Why not? They own it!

(A few days later)

Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Costello: How do I turn my computer off?

Abbott: Click "START."



(c) 2004 by Tom King - used with permission.

http://twayneking.blogspot.com/2009/05/ ... -from.html


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tightenupvolume1
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by tightenupvolume1 »


this?
charlie
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tightenupvolume1
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by tightenupvolume1 »

nope?
Will try again tomorrow, thanks
charlie
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by Username Taken »

Looks fine to me.
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by Jamie_Lambo »

tightenupvolume1 wrote: Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:59 pm problems re computers
I got so pissed of with the Apple support phone line explaining to me in great detail and tech talk with an answer to what was a simple question by me (how do i retrieve my files?) that i was delighted when an Apple employee asked me how to replace two bricks that had come loose on his garden wall.
Mm I replied stroking my chin, frowning. First you need to know the composition of cement.

Tmricalciu Ca 3
Silicate (alite) SiO 5
Dicalcium Ca2
Silicate SiO 4
(belite)
aluminate A12
Aetracalcium ALnF

I won,t give you the amounts, methods or advanced chemical compositions (Portland cement is the Microsoft of the brick world) you don't need that info now, but it would be a good idea to look it up for future reference

Ok now we need to know what bricks you have on your wall and what bricks you want. There are Flettons, Warlinghams, Suffolk reds, London reds, Engineering bricks, Old stocks, London stocks or Hand made softs. Do you want Buff colour, Reds, Mixed, Whites? or over baked? Do you want them with a sharp or rough arris? And what sort of frogs do your existing bricks have?

Pointing, do you want Weather struck, Recessed, Tuck pointing, Bucket handle, Flush pointing or Hose pipe pointing? (you might want to get foundry sand, the low salt content makes it easier to match your existing pointing but you may need to add additional dyes)

Your cavity? Is it 10-mil or 20-mil? Are you using *concrete blocks, thermalite blocks, frogged blocks or brick for the cavity? do you want to use butterfly wall ties, plastic wall ties, or the galvanised type recommended (check your local building regulations)

Now what bond are you using? you can have English bond, Flemish bond, Half bond, Garden wall bond, Dutch bond, Flying dutch bond or Quarter bond. (there are a few others but you don't need that information now, but be aware that the bond you use will need to match up with your cavity blocks (see above)* The last thing you need is a load of straight joints, also a pig in the wall could be a problem so watch out for that.

Foundations/footings what kind do you have? Stepped, floating, or a slab? Is it reinforced with steel, pile driven? Once you have all this worked out get back to me.
Thank you that will be £50.

Charlie
To me, this is my techie talk :D
tbh you could have got even more technical and asked about the cavity insulation, lintels, weep vents, corbels, firestops, dental work etc etc
:tophat: Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks :x
willyhilly
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by willyhilly »

If that Australian company gets its bricklaying machine on the market then brickies will have to be techies. It seems to work pretty well even in the rain and at night. Will we see holidaying brickie robots at the beach stealing women from Jamie?
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Re: techies versus brickys

Post by Jamie_Lambo »

willyhilly wrote: Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:13 am If that Australian company gets its bricklaying machine on the market then brickies will have to be techies. It seems to work pretty well even in the rain and at night. Will we see holidaying brickie robots at the beach stealing women from Jamie?
will never happen, not in this lifetime, not for masonry work anyway, ive not seen a robot yet that can do cuts round a window, corbels, dental work, gables, damp trays, weep vents, bay windows, weather conditions, bricklaying is more than just putting one brick on top of the other, although it does have the reputation of being monkey work, due to the amount of cowboys about, a true tradesman is a skill, one that will likely end up dying out, when a new more efficient way of building (maybe with robots) comes in, but its not going to happen yet not in England anyway
trust me if i could buy a robot to do my job for me i would haha would save my back
:tophat: Mean Dtuk Mean Trei, Mean Loy Mean Srey
Punchy McShortstacks School of Hard Knocks :x
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Re: techies versus brickys

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