Parenting in Cambodia

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taabarang
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by taabarang »

Wow relentless, that's one hell of a heavy boulder you're pushing uphill! I could never have done it alone without my loving wife, especially at the very beginning when I could only speak tourist Khmer. Even these days without the language barrier it would be very difficult. So, I'm afraid I have no game plan for you. Do you think tincture of time will ease the situation? Or do you plan to handle it one day at a time?
As my old Cajun bait seller used to say, "I opes you luck.
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by Jamie_Lambo »

good thread Taa
has raised some interesting enlightening points for some of use younger males to consider
Richards points are also valid points
everyones circumstances are different though,
and you seem to be doing a great job and your kids seem to be performing great, so you must be doing something right
and as AM mentioned all children, boys and girls act up
i dont really know any half barangs so cant comment on their experiences growing up as ive never had that conversation
but knowing how cambodians can be, i can see how they might have issues, which ive never really gave much thought about before
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taabarang
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by taabarang »

"i can see how they might have issues, which ive never really gave much thought about before..."

Patience grasshopper. I predict one day a sweet Khmer maid will overwhelm you and you will have a houseful of screaming"issues" to deal with.
As my old Cajun bait seller used to say, "I opes you luck.
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phuketrichard
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by phuketrichard »

as one that has raised a half half kid alone in se asia, ( ex out of the picture when she was 7 1/2 ) i have much to offer in this discussion but am tired of Taa 's constant, "you dont know shit"
so i will leave it to you experts. good luck, lots of ups and downs and if there is just one advice i give ya all, "listen to your kids"

BTW my daughter graduated at the top of her hs class as QSI Phuket
and got on the deans list 6 of 8 terms in university in Ca. and is a happy, well rounded loving individual living life on her terms
In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. HST
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by cptrelentless »

I find it disturbing that I seem to be channelling my Dad with the whole "you live under my roof you live by my rules" bollocks that just seems to have come out of my mouth unprompted, I've had the "you can do this the easy way or the hard way" conversation. I don't think this is an onerous existence, I'm pretty laid back, I don't believe in beating shit out of children, especially after they reach the point of developing logic, she has plenty of free time to pursue her hobbies and a bicycle that I make her ride to school on. I don't demand love, or a medal, just a little respect. I don't give money to charity so here's my contribution to humanity. If she wants to be Khmer then at least I'll get the bride price out of it. Should be a fair wodge of cash :-)
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Bitte_Kein_Lexus
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by Bitte_Kein_Lexus »

Agreed that this is an excellent thread. I'm probably younger than most on the forum, so as Jamie says it's a good thing for us unmarried guys to read. It dawned on me recently that I spent most of my 20s here/abroad and now leaning towards most of my 30s... Scary. I'm maturing (somewhat) and settling down a bit. I've always been a freedom-loving guy, but I've also always been the type to set goals for the future. Kids are obviously a possibility at some point. One thing that has always scared me about kids here was education (high cost accompanied with low quality) and rather limited possibilities for recreation. Also the accompanying fear of having to resettle back to my home country and the difficulties that would represent. As time moves on, I set deeper roots here, but I also realize that heading back would be a major difficulty for myself, especially if I have a family in tow. The first two issues are changing a bit now as the country modernizes, so perhaps the third won't be an issue. Who knows... Anyways, having grown up in a bilingual/bicultural household myself, I think I can offer a few pointers which I'll outline down below.

Luigi wrote:I am curious as to what opportunities for a scholarship exist here.
There are actually TONS of scholarships at the moment. Way more than any above average student could hope for in the west. A lot of Khmers I know have gotten scholarships to New-Zealand, Australia, Japan, Singapore, China and so on. Scholarships which would be unobtainable from great students from other western countries (besides the top 1%). So even though the undergraduate degrees from these Khmers are really subpar and the produced vastly inferior work as any graduate from a western university, they get the edge over anyone else because, well, they come from Cambodia... I had a co-worker who was a bit frustrated about this because she struggled to pay for her own Masters in Australia (eventually stopping), but then saw the extremely weak (to be polite) work of Cambodians who had been admitted into similar universities through these scholarships... I understand her resentment, but the fact is that these scholarships are cash-cows for the universities because a lot of it it state-sponsored. Even if they need to water-down the material, an increase in international students (especially from developing countries) makes the place look good. Yes, it does help improve local talent here, but I doubt that's the main reason they give out these scholarships.

Either way, it's a great opportunity for locals. All they need is an undergraduate degree from a semi-decent local university. Those aren't too expensive taabarang... Not that cheap if compared to some European countries, but from then on, getting a Masters or PhD abroad is quite easy. Having that will mean way more opportunities both here and abroad as it'll take a decade or two for the local tertiary establishments to even begin to gain local/international recognition.

taabarang wrote:The daughter is rebellious and highly jealous of her brother. Mornings involve touchy negotiations about which one gets to use the shower first. My daughter is trying to deny her Caucasian roots. She will begrudgingly eat a small portion of my foreign cooking while giving a soliloquy in Cambodian about the superiority of mom's Khmer cuisine. Spaghetti
, if cooked sweet and spicy however appears to be acceptable. Also she refuses to speak English even though she speaks it fluently and effortlessly. I'll continue tomorrow. Just one of the bells you rung Mr. relentless.
I also think Anchor Mouy hits a few nails on the head. Teens hate to be different from their peers (or love it, always extremes) and rebellious attitude is common. I do think her acting out is a bit early. I would have imagined 14-15 to be more appropriate, but girls hit puberty younger than guys so who knows. I remember embracing the "secondary (English)"culture when I was a kid, thinking it made me special. When I got a bit older
I did always feel a bit "out of place" wherever I was. Never fully comfortable in ether culture as I wasn't "pure". I received derisive comments from both cultures/languages (aimed at the other culture) and still do to this day. The advantage is being part of both is that I see both sides/grievances more clearly than most. I also see the ridiculousness of it all. It's not black and white as many assume, but a big shade of grey.

It did help to eventually have friends who were in the same boat as me. Maybe when your daughter eventually needs to go to the Big Smoke to further her education she'll meet other koan-kut and find some sense of acceptance. Now she's in a small village and the only thing there that sticks out... She feels isolated. She needs to understand that she's not alone and eventually meeting/making friends with other koan-kuts will likely help with that. Either way, she needs to understand that being bicultural helps her see things differently from her peers and that the cultural and linguistic knowledge that comes with that certainly gives her an edge over her peers.

A few ideas:
1-Do you set any rules at home? My father instilled a rule of "only English" at the dinner table. Of course, we always spoke English with my father, but used another language with our mother, most friends and at school. So the rule was that we had to stay seated for 45 minutes every evening while eating and only use English. At the time I found it annoying as all my friends could scarf down their food in 5 minutes and go back to their rooms or go out and play. We were forced to talk about our day at school. You can rightfully assume that a lot of our answers echoed the usual "Nothing...". However, in hindsight it was great. Now that I'm older I really do appreciate my parents' efforts at making myself and my two siblings fully bilingual and teaching us good manners. It helped build a great family atmosphere and I'll be doing the same with my kids (hopefully trilingual). If you don't do it already, I would set some ground rules such as this to force them to use their English. English even if addressing their mother while at the dinner table/floor(?) and siblings. Mom also needs to help support you in this endeavor by also only speaking English at dinner time, even if her English isn't excellent (replying in English if the kids consciously or not switch to Khmer). With time, my parents got more lax with my youngest brother. Can't blame them. Though he's fully bilingual, I'd say his English isn't as strong as mine or my sister's.

2-Do they watch TV shows and all that in English? Although most of my education as a kid and teen was in a language other than English, I only watched TV and movies in English. This definitely also helped me acquire English at a native level despite most of my friends not speaking English. It helped that we had access to all the good channels. Once we got internet at home as a teen, all my reading/research was done in English as well. I doubt that's a problem, as most English shows are way more interesting than the local Thai soaps, but something to consider if they don't watch movies/shows in English already. Shouldn't be an issue with youtube/torrents/Netflix and so on. It also subconsciously instills some sense of attachment to Anglophone culture.

As for the rebellion, it's normal. Back in my home country, I met many Khmer kids born abroad who refused to speak Khmer to their parents. It's usually the younger sibling though (same as my brother). Parents are always more strict with the eldest and understandably slack off as they run out of steam (lol). Anyways, these younger Khmer kids often understand some Khmer, but will reply in another language. Same problem as you but languages reversed. They just want to fit in with other kids. Eventually they lose the ability to even speak rudimentary Khmer. It's only in their 20s that they realize that they've missed out on something. They then try to reconnect/rediscover what they've missed out on. They want to be able to communicate with grandma effectively, or know more about their parents' culture and so on. They were shamed of it as kids or teens, but cherish it later on. I shortly took Khmer lessons with many such Khmers in their early to mid 20s who spoke rudimentary Khmer (or none at all) at the local community center. The same with many of my immigrant friends I grew up with. Many were forced to go to Chinese/Arabic/etc school on Sunday mornings. Some resented it, others just did it. You only realize the usefulness of it later on... If she's rebelling so young, she'll likely grow to cherish your side in a few years (15-17). I know you can't afford it, but I suspect a trip to your home country would really help her appreciate it. Or showing her TV/documentaries about the country you come from. I know you don't have a strong attachment there anymore, so not sure to what extent you've done that. It also doesn't help that they don't have family/grandparents over there to connect them to the place and the language/culture (helps if they spoil them ;-)). Either way, I would really try to make her cherish it BEFORE she hits her late teens as by then it might be too late. At least it doesn't seem like language is a big issue though.
Last edited by Bitte_Kein_Lexus on Fri Feb 03, 2017 4:59 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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taabarang
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by taabarang »

Wow!!! One hell of a thought provoking post. I need some time to respond but in the interim what was the other language besides English?
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by thelost »

Thai, I assume.

He's look kreuang.
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Bitte_Kein_Lexus
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by Bitte_Kein_Lexus »

Sent you a PM.
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taabarang
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Re: Parenting in Cambodia

Post by taabarang »

Thanks, got it. I think our paths crossed before on another thread on languages.
As my old Cajun bait seller used to say, "I opes you luck.
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